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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this mother should be ashamed of herself

726 replies

2boyzNosleep · 11/12/2024 19:57

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cly2zq1yl0ko

17yr old girl & 18 yr old boy hook up on holiday in Dubai. I believe they may have met over there. The girls mother finds messages on the girls phone when they return to the UK. The mother reports the guy to Dubai police. He gets arrested as sex with anyone under 18yrs is illegal in Dubai. He has now been sentenced to 1 year in prison.

I haven't looked into it much, as far as I can tell it was consensual, a charity called Detained in Dubai have been trying to help (legally I think).

Am I alone in thinking how bloody spiteful the mother is?!? The girl is 17 years old and I think in another report saw that she turned 18 shortly after returning.

Marcus Fakana in school uniform

Marcus Fakana: Briton, 18, sentenced over Dubai sex with girl, 17

Marcus Fakana has been sentenced for a year over the relationship, a campaign group in Dubai says.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cly2zq1yl0ko

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
SusieSussex · 11/12/2024 22:46

aliceinawonderland · 11/12/2024 22:42

I have absolute sympathy with the boy and hope that he can be repatriated, but it's interesting to read your thoughts that as it's OK here, it must be OK anywhere.
Yet when Prince Andrew slept with a 17 year old in the US (when the age of consent in the UK was 16), he was branded a paedophile.

Not really the same. PA was a 41 year old man sleeping with a trafficked 17 year old. Not a girl in his year at school.

Snugglemonkey · 11/12/2024 22:46

UndeniablyGenX · 11/12/2024 20:10

Out of interest, would people's responses be the same if this had happened in the UK and he was 16, she was 15?

My response would be the same. Shitty behaviour on the part of tbe mother.

PandoraSox · 11/12/2024 22:48

aliceinawonderland · 11/12/2024 22:42

I have absolute sympathy with the boy and hope that he can be repatriated, but it's interesting to read your thoughts that as it's OK here, it must be OK anywhere.
Yet when Prince Andrew slept with a 17 year old in the US (when the age of consent in the UK was 16), he was branded a paedophile.

He was 41 at the time, not just a few months older than 17.

WickedWitchOfTheEast87 · 11/12/2024 22:48

UndeniablyGenX · 11/12/2024 20:10

Out of interest, would people's responses be the same if this had happened in the UK and he was 16, she was 15?

It would depend on the circumstances to be honest. If they were in a relationship then you could understand because sex would be a natural progression in which case the parents should be having a chat with them. However if the lad was pressuring her then thats wrong at any age.

SuperfluousHen · 11/12/2024 22:48

StrikeForever · 11/12/2024 22:29

Okay, I have double check and other posters are correct. The boy was 18, the girl a couple of months younger. I apologise for calling posters out on that.

Apology accepted. Thank you.👍

Feelingathomenow · 11/12/2024 22:49

SavingTheBestTillLast · 11/12/2024 22:45

Maybe it is an area thing.
Although travelling around our goto is always NT properties, so maybe we ve just not been near you.
Not seen any NTs in the Midlands or Northwest ?

English Heritage props however are always packed out with kids.

Edited

Oh I was talking about in a certain area of the midlands. Maybe you haven’t visited that part, or maybe the yummy mummies have moved on since my experience of toddler days out.

WearyAuldWumman · 11/12/2024 22:49

aliceinawonderland · 11/12/2024 22:42

I have absolute sympathy with the boy and hope that he can be repatriated, but it's interesting to read your thoughts that as it's OK here, it must be OK anywhere.
Yet when Prince Andrew slept with a 17 year old in the US (when the age of consent in the UK was 16), he was branded a paedophile.

That's true. Mind you, there was a much bigger age gap between him and the girl.

EasyTouch · 11/12/2024 22:50

For those in the back, Markus broke the law by having non marital sex with a teen under the age of 18.

He was condoned by his parents for having a fling with a girl who could not introduce him to her parents.

This with a girl who looked more like the natives of Dubai than Markus does and where there are more people who look like Markus in Dubai as slaves than as tourists at any time.

If there is a mother to be blamed, I blame the mother of Markus.

She supported her son going off piste and not being able to contain his front on a short family holiday.

Unlike the UK majority, average Black people do not support that slackness, despite the cultural coddling of stupid/wicked behaviour of too many of our males compared to the expectations we have for the girls and women.

He didn't pay for the holiday and he was allowed to bring back a girl he did not know to have sex
in a room his parents paid for.

Sorry, but that is the height of slack parenting anywhere, much less on holiday in Dubai.

A parent is meant to protect a child from their own folly.

And if I'm really being honest;I don't think that his parents would have been so willing to lose their sense if it was a Black girl he was having a secret fucktionship, I mean relationship with who he did not know from Adam.
THAT'S the racial angle that jumps out for me, as a Black parent.

So what if the Indian woman doesn't response for a Black youth stupid enough to break Dubai law and one of her motivations may be race?

I cannot assume that the Indian mother who did not allow her daughter a boyfriend would have acted different if it was an Indian of age who had sex with her then underage daughter.
And as the adult in that situation, it is the adult who gets charged for having non marital sex in Dubai.
And it is that he is being charged with as Romeo and Juliet clauses do not exist in Dubai non marital sex age of consent laws.

And I know for damn sure that a bunch of women are not suggesting that somebody who cannot legally consent to sex in Dubai, suddenly can , just because thirteen year olds in the UK can avail themselves of our slack age of consent laws?
This is the social quandry that occurs when Black males are considered victims in any.shitty situation that they put themselves in.
The rights of girls and women go right out the window and circular reasoning becomes the thing.
What we do know is that he broke the law.

His parents condoned him breaking the law.

The mother of the girl, who the girl did not/could not introduce to her parents, not because he is Black, but because she is not allowed a boyfriend....this mother, when back in London discovered evidence of Markus breaking Dubai law on her daughter, on the daughter's phone.
Markus, still in Dubai on holiday with his family is arrested and charged by Dubai police after said strict mother reported him breaking the law.

This is one of those oned where slagging the mother or Dubai is just going to make them stand stronger ten toes down.

The mother is obviously not of the " my kids can fuck under my roof because I'd rather it here than anywhere else/ Boyfriends and girlfriends of my kids can stay over" Mumsnet cohort.

And Dubai is Dubai.

More diplomatic, nimble, non emotional minds will be the ones to get this young man out of Dubai jail.
He has learned the hard way that there is nothing wrong with sexual discipline and being somebody's dirty secret is not a challenge, but a sign of low self worth.

I never went on family holidays, especially those I never paid my own passage and board for with the thought of seeking sex at the forefront of my mind.

SuperfluousHen · 11/12/2024 22:52

Gogogo12345 · 11/12/2024 22:29

Well if he was also 17 at the time she did

He was 18.

MondayTueWed · 11/12/2024 22:52

I feel really sorry for the daughter too. She did nothing wrong and now her face and name are all over twitter.

She doesn't deserve that either.

Shame on that mum.

SabreIsMyFave · 11/12/2024 22:53

SometimesCalmPerson · 11/12/2024 20:07

She’s a vindictive bitch who has ruined a life for no reason. I hope life bites her back.

This. He is 18 and the lass is 17 FGS. There are just a few MONTHS between them.

I also think she did a horrible and cruel thing.

Karma will bite her on the ass.

Why the fuck did she do this? Just why...?! Confused

MerryChristmasYaFilthyBrusselSprout · 11/12/2024 22:53

MumWifeOther · 11/12/2024 22:21

Exactly. You have 3 white boys. You will never understand the white privilege that comes with that. Nor will you ever understand how awful and vile the racism that black boys receive is. Don’t talk on what you don’t understand.

You said her parents would definitely have been racist against black people because of their race/culture, which sure is racist in itself, no?
And I’ll talk about what I like thanks.

Novaavon · 11/12/2024 22:54

Poor kids. What the mum did was cruel and vindictive. She could have waited until he got home and tackled it then. Wicked and nasty.

MrsCobbit · 11/12/2024 22:54

Snugglemonkey · 11/12/2024 22:46

My response would be the same. Shitty behaviour on the part of tbe mother.

Totally - what poor behaviour on the part of the mum - consensual unless proved otherwise - Mum a piece of work.

user1492757084 · 11/12/2024 22:57

I would be upset, as the mother of the girl, that she was engageing in sex with someone she didn't know well.
I would be upset mostly with her. So I could not set the law on the boy unless he were a serial player.

Was the boy a UK citizen living there? Were his parents living and working there? Did he have far better knowledge of the laws? Did he have form for sexual relations with tourist girls?

If the answer to all these questions is NO then it is unfair in the extreme. A warning to be informed in foreign laws.

SoupDragon · 11/12/2024 22:58

user1492757084 · 11/12/2024 22:57

I would be upset, as the mother of the girl, that she was engageing in sex with someone she didn't know well.
I would be upset mostly with her. So I could not set the law on the boy unless he were a serial player.

Was the boy a UK citizen living there? Were his parents living and working there? Did he have far better knowledge of the laws? Did he have form for sexual relations with tourist girls?

If the answer to all these questions is NO then it is unfair in the extreme. A warning to be informed in foreign laws.

Edited

He was on holiday.

Manxexile · 11/12/2024 22:58

Pieandchips999 · 11/12/2024 20:48

He broke the law in Dubai. The laws there are really strict and the consequences severe. A poor women was nearly prosecuted for trying to end her life after an assault. I think the son and his mother were very naive. I won't step foot in the place due to being a lesbian as I'm pretty sure that's illegal too. I understand the girls family were strict and they may have thought Dubai was a good destination for safety due to the strict laws. The age of consent is 18 in a lot of states in the US and in some other countries. If you travel there you really need to keep to the law. Without knowing the girls family it's very difficult to know their motivation and what they expected the consequences to be

I haven't read the whole thread but I agree with this^

This wasn't something done in the UK, it was done in Dubai where the laws are very strict. I don't agree with the laws, but that doesn't mean they wouldn't apply to me if I were in dubai.

I blame the young man's parent(s) for going on holiday to a place like Dubai without making sure that they knew the law and understood the consequences of breaking it, and that their son also knew the law and also understood the consequences of breaking it.

FWIW I'm an atheist and not a Muslim, and I would never dream of holidaying in an Islamic country without knowing exactly how their laws might affect me. That's the only reason I need not to holiday in an Islamic state as I don't agree with their laws.

BTW I don't seek to minimise criticism of the girl's mother, but this is on the boy's parent(s).

Who the fuck would want to go on holiday to dubai and bring a teenage son with them ..

WarmingClothesontheRadiator · 11/12/2024 22:58

Toddlertantrums222 · 11/12/2024 20:47

Re researching the laws. Surprises me how many commenters are saying ‘who would research the laws’ ‘how would they know’ etc but this is Dubai we’re talking about. A Muslim country. It’s not like you’re in Ibiza. Dubai, like most Muslim countries, is known for having stricter social laws so this law would not surprise me in the slightest and yes they are young but come on at 17/18 even I knew that.

IMO it’s likely they knew or were aware they were breaking the law, but just didn’t expect for it to be reported. Very harsh lesson for the boy to learn.

This. Until 2020 any premarital sex was illegal in Dubai and subject to imprisonment. I have had cohabiting friends go to work there who had to get married before they went for this reason. You are crazy if you visit other countries, especially ones with harsh penal systems, without making yourself at least vaguely aware of their laws.

Manxexile · 11/12/2024 22:59

snowmichael · 11/12/2024 20:44

No he wasn't
That's why he's being prosecuted
He was 18, she was 17
That's illegal in Dubai
And yes, two horny teenagers wouldn't bother what the law says, but this is the result
Maybe if more people become aware of the consequences of breaking the law in countries with stricter, and frequently reprehensible, legal codes they would be more careful where they go on holiday

And this ^

Manxexile · 11/12/2024 23:00

Toddlertantrums222 · 11/12/2024 20:47

Re researching the laws. Surprises me how many commenters are saying ‘who would research the laws’ ‘how would they know’ etc but this is Dubai we’re talking about. A Muslim country. It’s not like you’re in Ibiza. Dubai, like most Muslim countries, is known for having stricter social laws so this law would not surprise me in the slightest and yes they are young but come on at 17/18 even I knew that.

IMO it’s likely they knew or were aware they were breaking the law, but just didn’t expect for it to be reported. Very harsh lesson for the boy to learn.

And this ^

SoupDragon · 11/12/2024 23:00

EasyTouch · 11/12/2024 22:50

For those in the back, Markus broke the law by having non marital sex with a teen under the age of 18.

He was condoned by his parents for having a fling with a girl who could not introduce him to her parents.

This with a girl who looked more like the natives of Dubai than Markus does and where there are more people who look like Markus in Dubai as slaves than as tourists at any time.

If there is a mother to be blamed, I blame the mother of Markus.

She supported her son going off piste and not being able to contain his front on a short family holiday.

Unlike the UK majority, average Black people do not support that slackness, despite the cultural coddling of stupid/wicked behaviour of too many of our males compared to the expectations we have for the girls and women.

He didn't pay for the holiday and he was allowed to bring back a girl he did not know to have sex
in a room his parents paid for.

Sorry, but that is the height of slack parenting anywhere, much less on holiday in Dubai.

A parent is meant to protect a child from their own folly.

And if I'm really being honest;I don't think that his parents would have been so willing to lose their sense if it was a Black girl he was having a secret fucktionship, I mean relationship with who he did not know from Adam.
THAT'S the racial angle that jumps out for me, as a Black parent.

So what if the Indian woman doesn't response for a Black youth stupid enough to break Dubai law and one of her motivations may be race?

I cannot assume that the Indian mother who did not allow her daughter a boyfriend would have acted different if it was an Indian of age who had sex with her then underage daughter.
And as the adult in that situation, it is the adult who gets charged for having non marital sex in Dubai.
And it is that he is being charged with as Romeo and Juliet clauses do not exist in Dubai non marital sex age of consent laws.

And I know for damn sure that a bunch of women are not suggesting that somebody who cannot legally consent to sex in Dubai, suddenly can , just because thirteen year olds in the UK can avail themselves of our slack age of consent laws?
This is the social quandry that occurs when Black males are considered victims in any.shitty situation that they put themselves in.
The rights of girls and women go right out the window and circular reasoning becomes the thing.
What we do know is that he broke the law.

His parents condoned him breaking the law.

The mother of the girl, who the girl did not/could not introduce to her parents, not because he is Black, but because she is not allowed a boyfriend....this mother, when back in London discovered evidence of Markus breaking Dubai law on her daughter, on the daughter's phone.
Markus, still in Dubai on holiday with his family is arrested and charged by Dubai police after said strict mother reported him breaking the law.

This is one of those oned where slagging the mother or Dubai is just going to make them stand stronger ten toes down.

The mother is obviously not of the " my kids can fuck under my roof because I'd rather it here than anywhere else/ Boyfriends and girlfriends of my kids can stay over" Mumsnet cohort.

And Dubai is Dubai.

More diplomatic, nimble, non emotional minds will be the ones to get this young man out of Dubai jail.
He has learned the hard way that there is nothing wrong with sexual discipline and being somebody's dirty secret is not a challenge, but a sign of low self worth.

I never went on family holidays, especially those I never paid my own passage and board for with the thought of seeking sex at the forefront of my mind.

Well, the girl's mother had no idea where her daughter was or what she was doing. Hardly covering herself with parenting glory. She was nasty.

ThatRareUmberJoker · 11/12/2024 23:01

RawBloomers · 11/12/2024 22:11

It doesn't depend on how they see it.

Sex outside marriage is no longer a crime in the UAE.

The girl hasn't done anything illegal.

Edited

It does also say not all parts of Dubai follow that law some places are more conservative than others and would take further action.

itsmylife7 · 11/12/2024 23:01

I'm disgusted with what's happened to this poor young man.

I doubt if he was even aware of the laws of that country.

How many 18 year olds go on holiday and have a holiday fling, thousands I'd imagine.

Ger1atricMillennial · 11/12/2024 23:02

EasyTouch · 11/12/2024 22:50

For those in the back, Markus broke the law by having non marital sex with a teen under the age of 18.

He was condoned by his parents for having a fling with a girl who could not introduce him to her parents.

This with a girl who looked more like the natives of Dubai than Markus does and where there are more people who look like Markus in Dubai as slaves than as tourists at any time.

If there is a mother to be blamed, I blame the mother of Markus.

She supported her son going off piste and not being able to contain his front on a short family holiday.

Unlike the UK majority, average Black people do not support that slackness, despite the cultural coddling of stupid/wicked behaviour of too many of our males compared to the expectations we have for the girls and women.

He didn't pay for the holiday and he was allowed to bring back a girl he did not know to have sex
in a room his parents paid for.

Sorry, but that is the height of slack parenting anywhere, much less on holiday in Dubai.

A parent is meant to protect a child from their own folly.

And if I'm really being honest;I don't think that his parents would have been so willing to lose their sense if it was a Black girl he was having a secret fucktionship, I mean relationship with who he did not know from Adam.
THAT'S the racial angle that jumps out for me, as a Black parent.

So what if the Indian woman doesn't response for a Black youth stupid enough to break Dubai law and one of her motivations may be race?

I cannot assume that the Indian mother who did not allow her daughter a boyfriend would have acted different if it was an Indian of age who had sex with her then underage daughter.
And as the adult in that situation, it is the adult who gets charged for having non marital sex in Dubai.
And it is that he is being charged with as Romeo and Juliet clauses do not exist in Dubai non marital sex age of consent laws.

And I know for damn sure that a bunch of women are not suggesting that somebody who cannot legally consent to sex in Dubai, suddenly can , just because thirteen year olds in the UK can avail themselves of our slack age of consent laws?
This is the social quandry that occurs when Black males are considered victims in any.shitty situation that they put themselves in.
The rights of girls and women go right out the window and circular reasoning becomes the thing.
What we do know is that he broke the law.

His parents condoned him breaking the law.

The mother of the girl, who the girl did not/could not introduce to her parents, not because he is Black, but because she is not allowed a boyfriend....this mother, when back in London discovered evidence of Markus breaking Dubai law on her daughter, on the daughter's phone.
Markus, still in Dubai on holiday with his family is arrested and charged by Dubai police after said strict mother reported him breaking the law.

This is one of those oned where slagging the mother or Dubai is just going to make them stand stronger ten toes down.

The mother is obviously not of the " my kids can fuck under my roof because I'd rather it here than anywhere else/ Boyfriends and girlfriends of my kids can stay over" Mumsnet cohort.

And Dubai is Dubai.

More diplomatic, nimble, non emotional minds will be the ones to get this young man out of Dubai jail.
He has learned the hard way that there is nothing wrong with sexual discipline and being somebody's dirty secret is not a challenge, but a sign of low self worth.

I never went on family holidays, especially those I never paid my own passage and board for with the thought of seeking sex at the forefront of my mind.

Sure... however,

We are talking about the actions of the girls parents. Who chose to report the liason with the knowledge (and possibly hope) that Markus would have been incarcerated in a foriegn country.

Markus' parents didn't report the sexual encounter, her parents did when they were in the UK. They actions are directly responsibile for his arrest and imprisonment. If they hadn't reported it, he wouldn't be in jail. To be clear this was consensual, not rape.

Why is irrelvant. What actions Markus' parent took or didn't take are irrelevent. The parents of the girl went to extrodinary measures to ensure this outcome. This is the bed that they have made, and they will be lying in it for a long time.

So yes this is a good learning lesson for people engaging in sex in Dubai and with people of another culture, but ultimately the focus is on the vindictive action that will cause unnecessairly lasting damage for everyone involved.

Nightjar33 · 11/12/2024 23:02

Totally spiteful with no understanding of her daughter or the poor boy and his family.
what a horrible mum!