To worry about a stay and play?

[User100028]

I can’t make Dd’s stay and play tomorrow. I am worrying a lot that other adults are going to be in a room with my child who I have never met and have no reason to trust. My dd is only 2 so won’t be able to tell me anything. I’m also worried she will feel left out as a child there without her parents as we are working. I don’t understand why these things are acceptable? Am I missing something?

OP, if this is your thought process now you've got some stressful years ahead.

I need to go to specsavers, I read the thread title as stag and play !!!

Op you either trust the staff or don't. Yabu and tbh Abit controlling.

Not normal

Hate to shock OP but there are dbs checked abusers plus people in power who can abuse. Think police. ICU nurses.

You really need to unclench. First child? You’re going to have to loosen up a bit if you’re going to survive parenting.

The irony is strong on this one.

I really think you are over thinking. Staff are normally even more vigilant in situations like these, you might find they put children with a parent in one area and those without in another with staff.

This was almost word for word what I thought

YABVVU

Nannies and childminders take kids out to the park, to playgroups etc... frankly it's odd your nursery never take the kids out so they never interact with other adults.

I think it's incredibly selfish of you that, in effect, you'd stop stay and play for other children because of your diary commitments.

So on the one hand it sounds like you'd go to it if you had a free day and let's not forget if you did that, YOU would be the stranger mixing in the same room as other children - yet you're here complaining that the others are strangers mixing with your child and that's wrong.

Make up your mind!

You won't be the only one working. It's part of working parent life unfortunately.

You need professional help, i doubt this is the only neurotic thing you worry about

I presume you are also in the same room at times with other people children that you could harm yourself and the children's parents could be paranoid about you

Have a word at drop off about supervision and how the session will work. If you’re anxious, tell them.

I do think YABU, but I can understand how you feel. I use annual leave to attend sessions like this at DC’s school and enjoy them, but I wouldn’t like the idea of a session happening with me not there. And I understand that not all jobs allow you to take leave in this way.

Sorry, I meant to add- what are you actually worried about? What do you think could happen? Is it that another parent might have unsupervised access to your DC?

Calm down. There is literally nothing to worry about.

YABVU and I suspect you wouldn't feel the same if you were able to attend.

Or would you refuse to go, on the basis that you don't have a DBS check and you'd be around stranger's children, potentially putting them at risk? 🤔

In terms of guilt over not going, I made huge effort to attend my 2 year olds stay and play at nursery this week despite it being a massive challenge to do for various things going on, because I was worried he’d be sad not having his mum there when the others were. I arrived late so when I was waiting for them to answer the door I could watch through the window. My child was happy as a pig in Pooh with a room full of other people to play with (even though some parents were actively avoiding interacting with other kids). There were several children without their parents there ans they were all unbothered.

I have no idea why you think it’s not acceptable though. The staff don’t leave the room and let the parents do whatever they want. On your theory you’d never attend any parent/child play sessions outside of nursery.

IMO you have two options:

1. accept that this is happening, that the staff are DBSd and will have done a rigorous risk assessment and safety plan which includes not leaving guest parents alone, or

2 (your only option as all suggestions to do 1. are being batted away), you take the day off work and keep her home.

What exactly do you think is going to happen
OP?

Of course it's an acceptable thing to offer - the staff know what they're doing.

BTW you only need a DBS id you have regular, unsupervised access to young or vulnerable people. This absolutely wouldn't count as that type of activity.
Not to mention the fact they aren't a completely reliable way of identifying a wrong un' 🤷🏼‍♀️

Am I missing something?

Yes, common sense.

Literally none of them are there to see your child.. they are there to see their own, to stay and play with their own child..

I went to my dds stay and play on Tuesday.
I do actually have a dbs check, not that I'd expect the staff or other parents to know that.
I had many children come to me who thought I was staff, I involved them in play with my own dd. I would be gutted that another parent would assume I'm some sort of danger.