To worry about a stay and play?

[User100028]

I can’t make Dd’s stay and play tomorrow. I am worrying a lot that other adults are going to be in a room with my child who I have never met and have no reason to trust. My dd is only 2 so won’t be able to tell me anything. I’m also worried she will feel left out as a child there without her parents as we are working. I don’t understand why these things are acceptable? Am I missing something?

A DBS check means an adult can be with a child alone (and has to be done through the nursery or school it's relevant to, they aren't portable). You can have non dbs adults around children if they are supervised. So for example I have had parents helping on trips without a db's and they've just stayed in a group with a school adult.

Your child will be supervised as they normally would by the adults in the nursery. The other adults are just parents who will be playing with their own children. If anything your child will have closer supervision from the adults at the nursery as they will have less children to watch!

You might often have prospective parents in a nursery or I spent a lot of time in settling in sessions in the first few weeks without a dbs for that setting.

I think you need to see a GP for your anxiety. Seriously, not said in jest. This is not a normal reaction.

Nursery workers are DBS checked but that hasn't stopped them being paedophiles or killing a child. Assuming you trust the nursery you should trust the staff to safely care for your daughter, regardless of who is in attendance. If you don't trust them that's a whole other problem.

I regularly interact with other children at my childs nursery at drop off and pick up, or birthday parties. I know them all by name. Just yesterday at pickup they were all telling me about their day, they all know who I am. Its lovely. I am actually DBS checked for work anyway. But even if I wasnt. I'm a parent, same as other parents are at your nursery stay and play. If they can't be trusted in the same room as your child with other qualified adults present then they sure as hell shouldn't be home alone with their own kids! I honestly cant fathom what you think will happen.

People have been hard on you. I have seen a baby in nursery greeted by an older child who’d come in to the baby room with mum to collect a sibling and who picked the baby up and dropped it on its head to the floor. However in a nursery setting with such a young child, I doubt that anyone other than parents/ grandparents will attend and the staff ought to pay close attention to children not attended by relatives. Mention your concerns to them and seek reassurance.

when she can communicate properly it’s different. I think it’s bad form to allow strangers, with no dsb check into the vicinity of other children

Swimming pools
Soft play
Parks
Sports centres
Supermarkets

The list goes on.

She doesn't have you there but has the nursery staff who are in loco parentis there.

Children are around strange adults in public places all the time.

I hosted a toddler stay and play session at my nursery today. All but one child had a parent there. The child who didn’t have a parent joined in the activities with the staff. He wasn’t left alone to mingle with the parents. All of the parents were focused on their own children. No one was allowed to use their mobile phone (if photos etc concern you). I had 3 other members of staff in the room with me and everyone was safe. Im sure your nursery are well practiced at running these events and no one coming to any harm!

So other parents should miss out on a lovely opportunity to see their child in the place they leave them for hours each week, just because you can't attend? You realise the nursery staff aren't going to up and leave the other parents to run the place? You need to get a grip.
Or can you invite a grandparent/aunt/uncle/friend to buy your child's supervisor for the session.

I don't think our nursery has stay and plays but they have parents in reading and talking about careers and stuff. I've done that myself. Didn't occur to me that these things were risky tbh.

The parents who are present will play with their children., leaving the staff to focus on your child and the others who don’t have a parent present.

None of these people will be left unsupervised with your child, nor will they want to as they're there to play with their own children, not yours.

Have you been to a stay and play before?
I went to one this week and have been to many before. It's literally normal nursery with the usual staff present engaging with the children, and the parents there are going around and playing with their own children at various play stations that have been set up. Your child will be safe. It's also the nursery's responsibility to ensure the children are still safe and cared for during stay and plays. The staff are still alert. Your child will be fine and probably won't notice any different. X

If you really feel this way remove your child from nursery with immediate effect. If the nursery staff are so incapable that they can't protect your child from harm from a few adults who probably know most things that would harm your child, and would want to actively avoid her coming to harm, it's really questionable whether they could protect her from other kids who are quite likely to do harmful stuff that they don't even understand is harmful. There's far, far more likely to be a toddler in her nursery who a) uses biting or hitting against another toddler who's pissed them off, and b) manages to do it without staff noticing, than a parent who a) wants to harm you child and b) manages to steal her away from in from all the staff and parents without anyone noticing.

All a DBS means it's that someone has no convictions deemed to identify a direct risk to children. If you think that's a great safeguard you're wrong.
This scenario would cause be no concern at the same staff you trust every day, will be there. You either trust them to safeguard her or you don't. They but going to allow your daughter to go off with another adult. They will also likely all be in the same room, so I'm not sure what risk you think is present. Unless you think someone will sexually assault your child in front of 25 children and adults.

I think it’s bad form to allow strangers, with no dsb check into the vicinity of other children

But if you went - you would be one of those people with no dbs mingling with the children.

She'll have to be in public eventually. You can't shield her forever. This is a you issue, and you should work on it for her sake.

Your thinking does not sound healthy.

@Blondeshavemorefun how would that work?
Seriously?

???

Parents stay for a cuppa/play and chat to other parents

Op is a little ott- her child and others in the setting will be looked after By the staff

Nothing is going to happen to them

@Blondeshavemorefun oops sorry - I didn't realise you were quoting the OP 🙂

This. People tend to only focus on their own children, in general.

I did wonder lol

No probs 😄

These are completely standard for nurseries. Most parents won't be able to make it, and those who do just want to spend a bit of time with their child and see what they're like at nursery. Your child is still under their care and all of their safeguarding policies and procedures will apply - all the more so when there are adults around.

You are being daft. And that DBS doesn't give your child a magic shield anyway. She's supervised by safe adults.

This might be my favourite mumsnet comment of all time.

It's quite common to have parent helpers with no DBS checks help out at children's activities and groups. They aren't alone with the children at any time and are always with DBS checked adults in the room too. We use parent helpers like this all the time for Girlguiding, we have a rota!

But back to the nursery thing, this wouldn't even cross my mind. Stay and plays are in the nursery room as usual presumably where all the staff will also be. I've done them plenty of times for my two and the kids without parents there are usually in a separate section with staff anyway.

Don't worry OP. The parents will be with their own child and your child will be looked after by the staff. The staff won't let another parent do anything to her. If you have been really worried about this you should have asked to speak to the Nursery Manager or the Room leader and asked for reassurance. It would have been better to get a full picture of how the session works rather than getting upset.

OP you’re over reacting.

if you fear for the safety of your kid then remove them from the nursery.