To no longer consider GPs feelings at Christmas time?

[HumbugsGoingBah]

I know, that sounds nasty, but I’m pissed off.

A few years ago my DH and I decided that whilst GPs are still around, we’d better stay put for Christmas as circumstances on both sides meant it fell on us to do Christmas. So, no lunch out (as we’d have to pay for it all), no holidaying it away. Let’s just say crappy siblings on both sides, plus both sets of parents got upset about not seeing our DC on Christmas Day. At times I’ve hosted both sets for 2-3 nights and DHs siblings and been exhausted from all the work.

Anyway, last Christmas one set came to stay, and the other set said they were, but then got a better offer from one of our siblings. So they cancelled days before.

This year, one set again said they were coming and only told me yesterday they weren’t. I now have to get everyone’s presents together and take them over before Christmas (despite working all the time till 25th) because they said they’ll have nothing to open and will be upset.

The other set is going away and told us they aren’t doing presents.

OK, so of course everyone can do what they like. However we’ve got such grief about GPs being upset if they can’t stay for days on end to see the DGC, that Christmas is about family, if you can’t put yourself out on this one day etc. usually at time, effort and cost to me. My Christmas is always sacrificed.

Last year I had 2 weeks off, I could’ve gone away.

So, AIBU to say they’ve changed the set up, and from now on I’m doing what we want to do?

Rebel! Now!
Tell them all to take a long walk off a short cliff. Enjoy your Christmas

Absolutely and I wouldn't be running gifts round either! I gave all that nonsense up years ago. I was tying myself in knots around work and my daughter's December birthday..
I gave my in laws their gifts Sunday when we saw them for another occasion and she was a bit shocked but I made it clear we weren't seeing them before Xmas so that was that.

You definitely should do your own thing next year, and you should do it without an ounce of guilt.

Don't take the presents round. They'll be upset? It was their decision not to come. Time to start to put some boundaries in place and stop placating them.

Why do you think that?
OP get trip planning!

Perfect opportunity to say- right now- ‘ have a lovely time. We’ll host every other year from now on, and have quiet Christmases or go away in between.

Put their gifts under the tree and tell them they’re welcome to call in to collect before Christmas. If they protest, just say calmly you’re working and don’t have time to travel to them.

Why arent they coming round to pick up their presents/drop yours off? Are they your parents or IL's....if its the latter why isnt your husband doing it?

As in, no one could be this much of a martyr?

Don’t be dropping off any presents. Let them get them when you see them. Start doing what you want at Christmas.

YANBU! Don't start running round with presents. And yes, have the christmas you and your immediate family want.

I thought this was going to be a thread about the NHS

I‘m just so pissed off that we’ve been so guilt tripped over Christmas is for family, and “we’d be so upset not to see our DGC at Christmas” that I’ve not made plans and now I can’t for this year. Id’ve gone skiing, Lapland or a hot place for the week.

They can have their gifts next time they visit you...

Are these your parents or grandparents? You say GP but then it sounds more like your parents, and it seems odd that you would end up with multiple grandparents staying with you.

But then you also say “while GPs are still around”, which implies they are in their 80s or thereabouts.

Either way way I think you should take the hint. It reads to me that while you think you have been doing everything on their behalf, maybe it’s not what they actually want to do.

Have the Christmas you want, and let other people sort themselves out around it.

Enjoy your downtime this year and start planning for next year. ⛷️🌴🍹🎅🎄

Stop all presents except for a small token box of chocolates and tell both sides you’re no longer hosting.

Graciously give present this year whenever suits and tell them you plan to do your own Christmas for next year. This could be the start of alternating Christmas's one with them, one without if they guilt trip you too much.

Look at the bright side, they've given you the excuse you needed. Make plans.

My parents and PIL.

Why do you care if they've got something to open. That's not your problem. Prezzies are there for them to collect or you'll bring them next time you see them.

It's not too late to do something else is it?

Well I'd be telling them you don't have time to drop presents off due to working and getting organised and if they will be upset without them will have to come collect them. From now on, do what you want to do, yes.

So their other family (who they want to spend Christmas with…) don’t give them presents? They’ll probably want to run back to yours next year then so make sure they know asap that you’ll be making your own plans from now on.

So (unless significant backstory) if you’ve are planning on doing Christmas at yours “while they are still around” you could easily have another 20 or even 30 years of this. Do any of you actually want this?

It sounds like they are already making their excuses. Just do your own thing from now on! Enjoy the Christmas you actually want to have. (And yes, don’t be a martyr.)

Sorry but I would take the attitude of fuck them and their presents. I'm having the christmas I want with dh and kids and we are looking to move in the new year.
Let them sulk and be upset, stop running around for everyone and dh can deal with his parents presents / whinging or whatever they say on the matter.
Set the bar higher for your own kids to learn from, otherwise like so many negative things this carries on to the next generation.