To no longer consider GPs feelings at Christmas time?

[HumbugsGoingBah]

I know, that sounds nasty, but I’m pissed off.

A few years ago my DH and I decided that whilst GPs are still around, we’d better stay put for Christmas as circumstances on both sides meant it fell on us to do Christmas. So, no lunch out (as we’d have to pay for it all), no holidaying it away. Let’s just say crappy siblings on both sides, plus both sets of parents got upset about not seeing our DC on Christmas Day. At times I’ve hosted both sets for 2-3 nights and DHs siblings and been exhausted from all the work.

Anyway, last Christmas one set came to stay, and the other set said they were, but then got a better offer from one of our siblings. So they cancelled days before.

This year, one set again said they were coming and only told me yesterday they weren’t. I now have to get everyone’s presents together and take them over before Christmas (despite working all the time till 25th) because they said they’ll have nothing to open and will be upset.

The other set is going away and told us they aren’t doing presents.

OK, so of course everyone can do what they like. However we’ve got such grief about GPs being upset if they can’t stay for days on end to see the DGC, that Christmas is about family, if you can’t put yourself out on this one day etc. usually at time, effort and cost to me. My Christmas is always sacrificed.

Last year I had 2 weeks off, I could’ve gone away.

So, AIBU to say they’ve changed the set up, and from now on I’m doing what we want to do?

I'd tell them their gifts are waiting for them to collect whenever they'd like to call in for them. I certainly wouldn't see it as my job to deliver them

Yeah I would not be running presents round and next year I would be off on my hols. I am super selfish at Christmas though and it’s just me DH and DD for Christmas and we like it like that. It’s sacred time for us.

Not too late. If you've all got passports. Get on to the travel agency today.

If this were in-laws presents, I would just tell DH to sort it with them. If it were my family , then I would just say, that presents are under our tree. You will get them when next we see you.

I gave up on the hosting in-laws several years before MIL died, as it was a thankless, exhausting chore. Never regretted saying no.

There is still time to book that getaway….

Seriously. You lost me at take the presents round. Fuck that. Practice saying “no”. Or “fuck off”. Whichever you prefer.

Do whatever you want, OP!
They can come & collect gifts (why are grown adults being so childish about presents?).
In the New Year, book your skiing holiday for next Xmas.
And breathe.....

i think i would smile sweetly and say that sounds lovely what a great idea. I think we will do the same next year. and start planning in the NY.

What's the relationship with them like generally? You have certainly been given the green light to do Christmas your own way in future.

Also, no you don't have to deliver presents if its inconvenient.

They can wait for gifts. Not that they deserve them. Find a last minute deal and go away!! Only an hour ago I got an email with 50% off a skiing holiday - under £500 a person including flights. There are some great deals out there. Go and have a fabulous time.

Same. Disappointed it wasn't. Poor GPs

Phone them and explain they need to come collect their gifts, when works for everyone?
Try booking a trip this year, though it sounds like you've not as much time off work.
Then say "ooh, I'm going to take a leaf from your book and go away next year".

It's very late for them to cancel now. Remember their behaviour when it comes to planning next year, and dont be guilted into something you don't want. Nobody knows what the future brings, and of course one day they'll be gone (or severely unwell). But that day could be years away, why are you going to do their Christmas how they want it for years (or rather, be their fall back), rather than compromise on something you'll all enjoy?

Absolutely this.

Last year I snuck a week away, best decision ever. Sunshine! Look at doing it next year?

OP - they've given you a pass here! get your passport and book to go away!

I’d try to get the gifts dropped off and then do as you please on Christmas from now on x

I now have to get everyone’s presents together and take them over before Christmas (despite working all the time till 25th) because they said they’ll have nothing to open and will be upset.

No one cares about you being upset though. Obviously start by not taking their presents over like a total mug

I think if people are not reliable and can’t stick to plans you avoid doing serious plans with them Christmas or not.
If you have time to visit them before Christmas, do this but if you’ve made your plans already hoping to see them on the day and can’t visit - don’t cancel anything. And do what you prefer next year.

‘They’ve changed the set up, and from now on I’m doing what we want to do’

This! ^^

Absolutely do what you want and start as you mean to go on for future years! I’d return the presents to the shops for the people who’ve said they’re ‘not doing presents this year’ as that cuts both ways. Tell the other set they’re free to collect their presents beforehand or wait till they see you next, but no I wouldn’t be busting a gut to drop them off myself.

I thought you were talking about a doctor GP.lol I was confused at first.lol

Agreed!

Start planning next year's trip away and don't feel guilty at all!! I hate that every year I am guilt tripped into keeping the grandparents happy, but they wouldn't have any issue saying they are going away, it hasn't happened yet, but I'm sure it will. My children are little and we haven't yet been able to spend Xmas day alone at home without having to think about everyone else and do all the driving around, it's really unfair.

Just decide what you want and inform everyone else what is happening - you want away do it, you want home do it, you want short time away over christmas itself including meal do it. Stop being the door mat and being emotionally manipulated. Go for it

Tell them this and that as a result, you will be booking a ski trip over next Christmas.

Tell them that if they want something to open they are more than welcome to pop round to collect and perhaps see those GC that they don’t want to miss out on.

Don't be angry or nasty, be a little grey rock and don’t accept a fall out - just be calm. Do what you want going forward as they sound rude and selfish AF.

I’d speak to a travel agent and see if there are any last minute bargains as there often are if you are openminded about where to go. ‘Christmas is for family’ always seems to be the line when someone else is doing the work… and your DH and you DCs ARE your family. Stuff everyone else.

You have very few years to enjoy your kids before they head off and live independently of you - and I am guessing after all this you’ll be trying not to guilt them into spending adults Christmases with you either - so prioritise your kids and yourselves.

Change it now! Try and get away. Let people wait u too after Xmas for presents. They are quite frankly being arseholes.

you have just a few magical years of. Christmas with kids… make the most of it!