What help did you want in your first week postpartum?

[ridl14]

Wasn't quite sure where to post this!

I'm 7 months pregnant with my first and trying to work out what I might want in our first week at home.

I'm from London but we moved a couple of hours away last year to be near DH's family and better quality of life. I have a couple of work friends here now but majority of friends (esp close ones) and remaining family are in London.

My lovely MIL wants to help out postpartum and I'm trying to picture what help I'll actually want. My own family is just my elderly grandma who can't travel and my younger brother who would be very willing to help but has literally no idea what to do with a baby. I do think I wouldn't want any other visitors for the first week.

Part of me thinks amazing, she's been so great bringing us food and helping finish painting our house before the baby gets here, I know she'd want to come and give practical help which I'd love for us to have - especially my husband who tends to try and take everything on himself. We get on well and we lived with her and my FIL for months while buying our house so she's seen me in PJs no make up plenty of times - it's just not quite the same familiarity as someone who's raised you/a best friend.

Part of me thinks I'll be postpartum, no idea what kind of birth I'm going to have or how the hormone drop will hit me. I've read that essay about lemon-sized blood clots and wanting to walk around with leaky boobs out.

I told my husband already I don't want to make any plans for after the birth until we get there, and he said whatever I want, we'll do.

What did you want/need? Someone staying overnight or for days at a time? Coming over once a day or during the day? I feel like help cooking, cleaning and holding the baby so we can shower etc would be great but I'd also like some quiet time or to know I can wander round half dressed and crying and not feel self conscious. Plus I'd like to really be able to grab sleep upstairs when I need to without hearing anyone talking or things going on downstairs and have all the time I want to bond with my baby.

People to cook healthy meals and hold the baby so I could shower without worry. Someone to make me a tea while baby contact napped as I was scared to move.

Meals mainly and company and for them to leave by 7 pm as I hated having family over after then as I wanted to sleep for an hour or 2 in the evening as it was the only Sleep igot! People are still loud even if they're trying tk be quiet.

If I had my time again I would say no visitors for the first week. Everyone wants to come and pop in for a cuppa to meet the baby but my baby didn't sleep for the first 12 weeks unless being held, and just cried a lot if he was put down. I felt really self conscious with everyone watching me trying (& failing) to soothe and settle my baby. And I was sooooooooooo tired and if the baby fell asleep having a cuddle with someone, they would stay for 2 hours which was 2 hours that I would have to make tea and chit chat and 2 hours that I wouldn't be sleeping. Second child was during covid, so nobody could visit which took away the fear of people "popping by" uninvited.

Ask for delivery vouchers or homemade meals or flapjacks, but I personally wouldn't want want anyone staying or even visiting every day in the first couple of weeks. Maybe ask her to stay once your partner goes back to work - you'll feel more confident than in the first week and you might need more support/sleep once your partner is back at work.

I had a C Section and had complications after birth so really appreciated the help in the form of meals being prepared, washing being done and general cleaning.

What I wish I had been a bit firmer about was the helpers taking the baby from me insisting I needed rest. It just made me anxious and a bit teary - hormones I guess.

I think this is such a personal thing, and everyone has different opinions - as witnessed by the answers on this thread! It sounds like your MIL is lovely and that you get on well, so hopefully she will be a great support for you and you’ll be able to communicate what you would find helpful.

A friend of mine and I gave birth to both of our babies at similar times. Her mum moved in with her for weeks to help out. She used to constantly ask me how I was managing and why my mum wouldn’t come. Which was frustrating, because her set up obviously worked for her but it’s my personal idea of hell, though I love my mum and MIL dearly.

*Obviously I might have felt differently if either baby or I were extremely unwell.

Yep, imo a god send would someone who comes over at the same (agreed) time in the late morning or early afternoon for 2 or 3 hours a day/every other day and holds/feeds/changes baby if baby is awake so you can nap, eat in peace or shower. Or if baby is asleep then would be willing to do quieter jobs like sweeping/dusting, wiping surfaces, washing up, laundry etc - again while you rest. If they could be kind enough to bring home cooked meals with them that you could heat up, that would be a bonus too 🤣

My lovely MiL came to stay for about a week after each of my 3 babies- she was fab, she cooked, cleaned, held the baby so I could wash my hair/ spend time with the toddler, she even tidied up the garden!
You need food and drink, maybe help with laundry, basic cleaning, and a chance to wash yourself and nap. Someone to organise decent food and also cake! Also a bit of light relief in the form of someone to chat to when you can't get out, and someone to give a bit of advice and show you to do things the most efficient way.