What help did you want in your first week postpartum?

[ridl14]

Wasn't quite sure where to post this!

I'm 7 months pregnant with my first and trying to work out what I might want in our first week at home.

I'm from London but we moved a couple of hours away last year to be near DH's family and better quality of life. I have a couple of work friends here now but majority of friends (esp close ones) and remaining family are in London.

My lovely MIL wants to help out postpartum and I'm trying to picture what help I'll actually want. My own family is just my elderly grandma who can't travel and my younger brother who would be very willing to help but has literally no idea what to do with a baby. I do think I wouldn't want any other visitors for the first week.

Part of me thinks amazing, she's been so great bringing us food and helping finish painting our house before the baby gets here, I know she'd want to come and give practical help which I'd love for us to have - especially my husband who tends to try and take everything on himself. We get on well and we lived with her and my FIL for months while buying our house so she's seen me in PJs no make up plenty of times - it's just not quite the same familiarity as someone who's raised you/a best friend.

Part of me thinks I'll be postpartum, no idea what kind of birth I'm going to have or how the hormone drop will hit me. I've read that essay about lemon-sized blood clots and wanting to walk around with leaky boobs out.

I told my husband already I don't want to make any plans for after the birth until we get there, and he said whatever I want, we'll do.

What did you want/need? Someone staying overnight or for days at a time? Coming over once a day or during the day? I feel like help cooking, cleaning and holding the baby so we can shower etc would be great but I'd also like some quiet time or to know I can wander round half dressed and crying and not feel self conscious. Plus I'd like to really be able to grab sleep upstairs when I need to without hearing anyone talking or things going on downstairs and have all the time I want to bond with my baby.

Someone who comes in at a regular time, puts the kettle on, tidies up, puts a wash on and puts away the wash they did yesterday, asks if you’d like some food and makes it without bothering you about where the bread (or whatever) is kept.

For me, it was less about holding the baby (I was breastfeeding almost constantly at that early stage) but about all the other things that I was too knackered to keep on top of. Like eating, and clean baby clothes.

As above it was doing a quick tidy, bringing a meal around (my friend left a roast chicken dinner on my doorstep and it was honestly the best present, he didn't even come in) or my auntie who turned up in rubber gloves to clean my bathroom when I was having a rough time 6 weeks in - absolute heroes in my opinion!

cooking decent but filling food and then subsequent washing up mainly …. Even just a quick tidy round and turning the washer on, carrying a laundry basket was painful.

just sit and hold baby whilst I had a shower as was a heatwave and I was sweaty ! But Dp was around for that tbh. I was keen to get up and about and did go on a few trips out with the pram from about 5 days old. But I wouldn’t have wanted anyone to take baby away from me/ the house for a rest for more than maybe 10 mins.
everyone is different though, my SIL had her baby staying at grandparents at 3 days old overnight so she could rest.

First child, with your DH at home presumably for at least the first week - you won't actually need anyone else.

I didn’t need any specific help as my husband was home so he looked after everything. I just sat on the sofa and breastfed and enjoyed all the visitors.

When he went back to work, he made sure there was lots for me to eat but I felt fine and was back to normal by then.

My in laws stayed when I had a baby - mostly to look after the older ones while we were at hospital.
But mil cooked meals, did washing and put the hoover around.
She also answered the door to say I was upstairs asleep lol..to any surprise visitors.

I would say if you like her company definitely have her pop round daily especially if she will cook some lovely food and do the washing. If she breastfed she can be a good support while you get that up and running. If she is in any way annoying avoid.

To treat me normally. I hate being mollycoddled and between husband and I am more than capable of making food and not living in a pigsty

My MIL came every day for the first few weeks and was a godsend. I didn’t feel self conscious feeding around her (she actually gave me a lot of help as she breastfed two herself) because we have a really good relationship anyway. She cooked, cleaned the house every day, took away laundry and brought it back ironed the next day, held our baby for his naps so we could sleep, kept me company with good chat or watching films while I fed my baby, was just generally the most amazing extra pair of hands. I am so, so grateful to her.

My own mother lives a little more distantly but visited lots too and was so kind and supportive. She would usually bring something for us to heat up for dinner, and she took our baby for long walks in the pram so that we could rest and have quiet time.

What I wanted more than anything…. Sleep!! And uninterrupted showers and meals.

If people were happy to cuddle DC or walk them round the block etc so I could do the above, I was incredibly grateful.

I actually found it more helpful to have help much further down the line, say 8 weeks old. The visits from friends etc have dropped off, your husband is back to work and you’ve eaten all your batch cooked freezer food. Then it would have been great to have someone do a big food shop and restock the freezer, do a tidy up, catch up on laundry and sort the newborn clothes/no longer needed bits out and bung them in the attic.

💯💯

Also, someone happy to keep coming once your DH pat leave is over. I found the 4-8week period the hardest, because I was still recovering from labour / establishing breastfeeding, but DH had gone back to work.

Oops, meant to quote @LogicalImpossibility !

I was ok first week. About 3 to 4 weeks in when DH was back at work my MiL would hold DS while he slept so I could go and pass out. He would only nap on someone. Best 2 hour nap I ever had!

Best to be on your own the first week or so, no harm in MIL coming to visit but I’d say you need your space to start adjusting to new life. You won’t need anyone to hold the baby for showering if both you and partner are home.

Mainly someone to come over and quietly do housework /shopping/cooking/laundry without asking for a lot of input.

If they want to hold the baby I guess I'd like half an hour in the bath.

No one who needs to be hosted, or who wants a proper conversation. Someone to sit and watch TV with and bring tea and biscuits if I'm a bit lonely.

Drop a meal round and then leave! 😅 I just wanted to recover on my own tbh, and my husband did all the extra round the house. Really didn’t want to be learning to breastfeed with an audience. Having some meals ready was fab though! And I was very grateful

None, DH was doing everything house related and making sure I was topped up with any food and drink I needed between meals.

I was quite open to visitors as well, didn't get the whole "bubble" thing or why it was desirable but didn't need or want any additional help

Someone to take my other kids to school.

None apart from husband keeping up the household stuff while I focussed on babies.

We really didn’t want to see anyone else for a few weeks.

My Mum stayed with us for the first week or so for each of our 3DC and basically took over the running of the house while I concentrated on the baby. DH went to work that week then took his paternity leave later.

If she's close by I agree, pop in daily and sort you out with a hot meal and some light housework and a bit of company while your DH is working.

Fill your freezer with nutritious meals. Have someone to help with laundry, tidying and taking the baby so you can sleep or decompress.

Mostly, I'd say read up on bf and what can go wrong and make sure you have good post natal community midwives who are on the ball. I had 4 different ones in about 7 days withbmy fjrst. One was excellent, one was good, two were utterly hopeless. If you can insist on continuity do. If at any time you feel unwell or pain seems disproportionate, phone your GP. Don't wait for the midwife to give inconsistent advice to questions they haven't listened to.

Make sure you have plenty to drink at yiur side.

I think it’s hard to know until you’re there. I kind of wanted everyone to fuck off. Felt smothered, wanted privacy, etc. But I didnt imagine I would feel like that until I was wrecked from the labour.

Someone to clean , cook , get some groceries in. If not bf then to do a feed and let you rest/ sleep. My favourite times pp were when my husband would take the baby out for a walk in the pram for an hour just to let me relax

I had a rough birth so was quite unwell for the first weeks. My mum came every other day and brought food and actually physically fed me at times. She helped with establishing breastfeeding, giving me the anti-coagulant injections, checking blood loss etc. She’d run the hoover around and tidied up. She turned the first week into an antenatal class 😂 She also spotted the jaundice in my son and coordinated immediate medical help.

For me, it was having someone look after me so I could look after our baby. I neglected myself, trying to keep on top of housework and baby care. Trying to do it all basically. The housework of course could keep, but having someone making sure I was eating and drinking made a huge difference