Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I leave my six week old baby to go out?

82 replies

Bookworm05 · 06/12/2024 10:57

Before I got pregnant, I booked some concert tickets for me, mum and sister. The concert is this weekend but I now have a six week old baby. I've always said I won't be able to go to the concert as I felt it was too soon to leave my partner with baby and toddler. When baby was first born and I said I wouldn't go, partner insisted I should go and he would be fine. Baby is breastfed but has been taking expressed milk in a bottle from my partner every three days or so. In the last week baby has developed a bottle aversion and screams through feeds, hardly taking any milk. My partner is stressing out about this and says he feels like a failure. It has made him really emotional and he won't really talk about it which I find hard. He has since said that he feels the concert has been a looming pressure hanging over us.

My family live an hour away and my partner, toddler and baby would need to stay at my family's house so that I can feed baby right before I leave and as soon as I get home. I would love to go to the concert but it has been a tricky week in our house. Toddler has got a bad cold, baby has been cluster feeding and partner is emotional. I'd love a break for a few hours but AIBU?

OP posts:
SwanRivers · 06/12/2024 11:00

From the thread title I was all set to say yes, you should go.

But having read the OP, I think no, I'd give it a miss.

It's a shame obviously but I don't think it's the right time with everything else going on.

Iwanttoliveiniriscottage · 06/12/2024 11:01

It would probably do your husband good to have to take care of the baby without your supervision. You should be able to go if you want to. Only you can know whether it’s worth the hassle or not. Life doesn’t stop because you have a baby but will you be able to enjoy the concert or will you be stressed the whole way through.

SwanRivers · 06/12/2024 11:01

Also, if your toddler has a bad cold there's every chance the baby may be coming down with it too, which can cause even more feeding problems.

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/12/2024 11:04

I wouldn’t.

Timetodownsize · 06/12/2024 11:04

My immediate thought on reading the thread title was "not if you don't want to".

Ideally you would go as you've been looking forward to it but the circumstances are not ideal and I think you'd feel uncomfortable and not really enjoy yourself. Will your partner feel worse if you don't go though ?

I think this is a time for the 2 of you to have an honest conversation about how sometimes plans just don't work out and the best thing to do is accept the different reality and that there is no blame attached to anyone. At this stage the person dictating how you operate as a family is a tiny baby.

Stay at home together, don't stress and enjoy your baby

BeMintBee · 06/12/2024 11:08

No I wouldn’t. If baby was exclusively bottle fed than maybe but sounds it could be quite distressing for baby if they are not reliably taking a bottle

PixieTrance89 · 06/12/2024 11:24

I wouldn't go purely based on the fact your baby wont take the bottle well so if your out your husband might struggle to feed them and at 6 weeks it's very important they are having regular feeds

nightmarepickle2025 · 06/12/2024 11:27

I wouldn’t. Taking your toddler away for the night whilst ill is enough of a pain without all the rest

WarmFrogPond · 06/12/2024 11:31

I’d go without thinking twice. But if you don’t want to, obviously that’s fine too.

HPandthelastwish · 06/12/2024 11:33

I think your partner would cope better in his own environment rather than being at your parents.

Needs must, if you were taken into hospital they'd have to make it work. If baby won't have a bottle try feeding cup instead.

If it's a once in a lifetime concert I'd go Pink, Taylor etc if it's a band that is regularly touring then I might give it a miss.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 06/12/2024 11:35

In my experience, when they develop a bottle aversion it's really really hard to get them back on it (sorry). It's easier when they're a bit older as you can feed them more on a schedule but its a bit difficult at 6 weeks. So I wouldn't go sorry.

However your partner is being a bit silly taking it personally. Its nothing to do with him, the baby doesn't like a bottle, not the fact that he is giving the bottle.

Mrsttcno1 · 06/12/2024 11:36

Personally I wouldn’t given that baby is having issues with feeding, if not for that then I’d say it’s fine. It’s one thing your partner looking after a baby, which is totally doable and fine, but looking after a baby who actually he is unable to settle or feed is totally another and I wouldn’t put my husband or baby through that. It is hard, we had a few months like this as my daughter was breastfed and wouldn’t take a bottle so it did mean I was tied to her for feeding times but it does pass quickly

cherish123 · 06/12/2024 11:38

Could you feed before you go, leave bottle as emergency, stay at the concert for a few hours and feed on return?
You could park near the venue and leave before mum/sister.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 06/12/2024 11:38

I did go out for around 6 hours with a slightly older baby (maybe 3 months?) and they refused to take a bottle the entire time. Yes as another poster pointed out, if I'd died they probably would have eventually drank from a bottle. But I came back to a very distressed and hungry baby, and felt awful about it. Its quite hard to enjoy yourself, when you know that your baby is likely to be in a state, even if you know that it's not likely to do any lasting harm

ginasevern · 06/12/2024 11:44

It sounds like more hassle than it's worth to be honest. I can't imagine you'd enjoy the concert much with all that going on. I personally would give it a swerve.

BarbaraHoward · 06/12/2024 11:49

No, sorry, I wouldn't leave a newborn who doesn't take a bottle. It'll be easier all round to give this one a miss. Flowers

loveydoveyloon · 06/12/2024 11:50

Take baby with you

ems4kidseardefenders.co.uk/shop/baby-ear-defenders-mint-on-white/

LuckySantangelo35 · 06/12/2024 11:58

Timetodownsize · 06/12/2024 11:04

My immediate thought on reading the thread title was "not if you don't want to".

Ideally you would go as you've been looking forward to it but the circumstances are not ideal and I think you'd feel uncomfortable and not really enjoy yourself. Will your partner feel worse if you don't go though ?

I think this is a time for the 2 of you to have an honest conversation about how sometimes plans just don't work out and the best thing to do is accept the different reality and that there is no blame attached to anyone. At this stage the person dictating how you operate as a family is a tiny baby.

Stay at home together, don't stress and enjoy your baby

@Timetodownsize

“Stay at home together, don't stress and enjoy your baby“

I think this advice is a bit off and unfair on Op tbh. She’s been staying home and enjoying her baby for weeks, she said she wants a break. Also parents don’t have to enjoy every minute of their children being babies - some of it isn’t very enjoyable!

Workingthroughit · 06/12/2024 11:58

You need to persist with the bottles, whether or not you choose to go this time. So many just say 'my baby won't take a bottle' and throw in the towel and then they are left in a few months time with somewhere they need to go to and are tied to the house by their breasts.
As PP says, what if you needed to go into hospital or (heaven forbid), died. Your kid would HAVE to learn to feed with a bottle then!

BeensOnToost · 06/12/2024 11:59

How long are you actually going to be away from the baby? 6 hours?

isthesolution · 06/12/2024 12:01

I wouldn't go. It seems stressful all round. X

Isitisit · 06/12/2024 12:01

My baby is 20 weeks and refuses bottles too so I wouldn’t go in your position. I imagine I’d be too worried picturing him screaming at home.

Lincoln24 · 06/12/2024 12:04

To be honest if my partner wanted to do it, I'd go. It'll be good for him to get used to looking after them himself.

Isitisit · 06/12/2024 12:04

Workingthroughit · 06/12/2024 11:58

You need to persist with the bottles, whether or not you choose to go this time. So many just say 'my baby won't take a bottle' and throw in the towel and then they are left in a few months time with somewhere they need to go to and are tied to the house by their breasts.
As PP says, what if you needed to go into hospital or (heaven forbid), died. Your kid would HAVE to learn to feed with a bottle then!

Edited

Op you don’t NEED to persist with anything if you don’t want to, you just have to be prepared to deal with the consequences if you don’t. Ie are you happy to not go out for longer than an hour or two until your baby is a bit older or is this a priority?

LuckySantangelo35 · 06/12/2024 12:06

Isitisit · 06/12/2024 12:04

Op you don’t NEED to persist with anything if you don’t want to, you just have to be prepared to deal with the consequences if you don’t. Ie are you happy to not go out for longer than an hour or two until your baby is a bit older or is this a priority?

Show quote history

@Isitisit
its very restricting to not be able to go out without baby for more than an hour or two.