Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I leave my six week old baby to go out?

82 replies

Bookworm05 · 06/12/2024 10:57

Before I got pregnant, I booked some concert tickets for me, mum and sister. The concert is this weekend but I now have a six week old baby. I've always said I won't be able to go to the concert as I felt it was too soon to leave my partner with baby and toddler. When baby was first born and I said I wouldn't go, partner insisted I should go and he would be fine. Baby is breastfed but has been taking expressed milk in a bottle from my partner every three days or so. In the last week baby has developed a bottle aversion and screams through feeds, hardly taking any milk. My partner is stressing out about this and says he feels like a failure. It has made him really emotional and he won't really talk about it which I find hard. He has since said that he feels the concert has been a looming pressure hanging over us.

My family live an hour away and my partner, toddler and baby would need to stay at my family's house so that I can feed baby right before I leave and as soon as I get home. I would love to go to the concert but it has been a tricky week in our house. Toddler has got a bad cold, baby has been cluster feeding and partner is emotional. I'd love a break for a few hours but AIBU?

OP posts:
MiloAndTeddy · 06/12/2024 22:21

In those circumstances I wouldn’t go. If baby was still fine taking a bottle then it would be different but not taking a bottle and wanting to cluster feed, your baby might be very distressed.

It’s a shame though. Definitely plan some time to yourself around baby’s feeding if possible and then do something lovely once baby will take bottle or goes longer between feeds.

MiloAndTeddy · 06/12/2024 22:23

Bookworm05 · 06/12/2024 19:40

Thanks everyone! I've decided not to go and we are staying in with a takeaway instead. My partner and I have both been much more relaxed since I decided and have had a lovely afternoon. I think lots of you were right and I would have spent the whole time worrying. Thanks again!

Sorry I didn’t see this before I replied. I think that sounds like a good plan. Enjoy the takeaway.

Hyperquiet · 06/12/2024 23:34

As baby is breastfed and won't take a bottle I wouldn't go.

MiloAndTeddy · 07/12/2024 00:05

LuckySantangelo35 · 06/12/2024 11:58

@Timetodownsize

“Stay at home together, don't stress and enjoy your baby“

I think this advice is a bit off and unfair on Op tbh. She’s been staying home and enjoying her baby for weeks, she said she wants a break. Also parents don’t have to enjoy every minute of their children being babies - some of it isn’t very enjoyable!

Edited

The baby is only 6 weeks old and if not taking a bottle, it’s normal to not be able to leave them much. You don’t seem to understand that @LuckySantangelo35, maybe you have forgotten what it’s like when your children are so tiny. How old are your chikdren? Mine are older but I still remember the first 4 months not being able to leave them much.

mitogoshigg · 07/12/2024 00:12

To be honest I would go, feed directly before you leave and only go for the minimum time (don't have a meal out beforehand etc) if baby is hungry they will take a bottle and whilst current medical advice is to demand feed, in the past you were told to feed every 4 hours anyway.

Mine were ebf but I still did go out occasionally for 3 hours or so

MiloAndTeddy · 07/12/2024 00:39

mitogoshigg · 07/12/2024 00:12

To be honest I would go, feed directly before you leave and only go for the minimum time (don't have a meal out beforehand etc) if baby is hungry they will take a bottle and whilst current medical advice is to demand feed, in the past you were told to feed every 4 hours anyway.

Mine were ebf but I still did go out occasionally for 3 hours or so

One of my children never took a bottle even when hungry so that’s not true.

MrsApplepants · 07/12/2024 01:25

I’d go. Your partner will manage perfectly well for a few hours.

Pinkpurpletulips · 07/12/2024 02:27

Well I went back to work at six weeks with both mine. I had a lot of trouble breast feeding and they were so happy to get their hands on a bottle. One thing I have heard is that some babies if they can smell milk on you won't settle for a bottle. Does it go better for your partner if you are not in the room? Can you try changing the bottle? Both my babies disliked the same very well known and respected brand.

ProfessionalPirate · 07/12/2024 03:40

Workingthroughit · 06/12/2024 11:58

You need to persist with the bottles, whether or not you choose to go this time. So many just say 'my baby won't take a bottle' and throw in the towel and then they are left in a few months time with somewhere they need to go to and are tied to the house by their breasts.
As PP says, what if you needed to go into hospital or (heaven forbid), died. Your kid would HAVE to learn to feed with a bottle then!

Edited

Only someone with no experience of a true, determined bottle refuser would say this! In the (thankfully unlikely) event that OP needed to stay in hospital or died, yes the baby probably wouldn’t starve itself to death, but it could take many many hours of increasingly extreme distress before it would try the bottle, with no guarantee that the next feeding time would be made easier for it. Most people aren’t prepared to put their baby through that when it’s not necessary.

Having a bottle refuser can feel a bit overwhelming when you’re in the thick of it, but ebf babies are very portable so it doesn’t mean mum is tied to the house at all, and in a few months time when weaning starts and sippy cups of milk can be offered, it will all become a distant memory.

Monty27 · 07/12/2024 03:59

Omg I wanted to say go but reading on it's not really the time for the baby to be separate from you for that long. You maybe won't enjoy it anyway with all of that pressure.

Upcyled · 07/12/2024 04:35

When my youngest was around this age and exclusively breast fed I went to a gig. We got a babysitter for the older ones and my partner came with me and looked after the baby in the foyer so I could pop out and feed if need be. I guess I was lucky to have that option.

Snkt · 07/12/2024 18:58

Go mama go. I left my son when around that age with friends at our house and went to a concert. You’ll always worry about this and that with kids no matter how old they are and you’ll end up doing nothing for yourself. Time the feeds well and go have fun. If they have a hard time they have a hard time - they’ll survive. He needs to learn how to handle and soothe the baby too.

MajorCarolDanvers · 07/12/2024 19:19

Go to the concert. Your DH can manage for a night and you deserve a break.

have a great time

somanymiles · 08/12/2024 08:49

Truly I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here, but this needs an honest but loving conversation between you and your DH. Only you can tell if the extra stress is worth it. This is only one concert in a lifetime of concerts.But if you choose to go, as other posters have said, it's quite possible baby will take the bottle if you are not there. If you really need this break, take it. You will be a better Mum if you take care of your own needs from time to time and you are leaving baby with her father after all! Otherwise schedule a break for a few weeks' time when your toddler has got over their cold and you have resolved the feeding issues. Not a bad idea to have a regular night out so hubbie can get used to coping on his own...start with a short amount of time and work up, rather than jumping in at the deep end.

somanymiles · 08/12/2024 08:52

Apologies missed your more recent post OP, but take that break some time soon!

LostMySocks · 08/12/2024 08:54

Has the baby been offered a bottle when you are not there?
Mine were always less fussy if I wasn't around

Bunnycat101 · 08/12/2024 09:01

I think deciding not to go will take a lot of pressure off. I don’t think you’d have enjoyed it knowing there was a chance you’d have a very unsettled baby at home.

Unfortunately children do have a habit of scuppering best laid plans even when they’re a bit bigger. One of mine managed to break a bone to coincide with an expensive spa day we’d booked this year and my other timed a sickness bug with another day I’d planned and and booked off. We’ve had lots of years where sickness has made changes to plans etc Sometimes you do just have to adapt and write things off especially at this time of year. It has taken me years to become a bit more resigned to having to cancel things. This won’t be the last time you have to do it OP.

WinterUnder · 08/12/2024 09:06

I wouldn't. With a sick toddler and baby who won't feed properly, I wouldnt enjoy myself.

BogRollBOGOF · 08/12/2024 09:33

ProfessionalPirate · 07/12/2024 03:40

Only someone with no experience of a true, determined bottle refuser would say this! In the (thankfully unlikely) event that OP needed to stay in hospital or died, yes the baby probably wouldn’t starve itself to death, but it could take many many hours of increasingly extreme distress before it would try the bottle, with no guarantee that the next feeding time would be made easier for it. Most people aren’t prepared to put their baby through that when it’s not necessary.

Having a bottle refuser can feel a bit overwhelming when you’re in the thick of it, but ebf babies are very portable so it doesn’t mean mum is tied to the house at all, and in a few months time when weaning starts and sippy cups of milk can be offered, it will all become a distant memory.

Agreed

I survived 2 bottle refusers. By 4 months the feeds had spaced enough to go out for a couple of hours which was enough to do things like regular fitness classes or do errands without bringing them. Prior to that, they were fairly portable for most occasions.

By 10 months they were eating enough solids and drinking water from cups and happy to go through a day of nursery then catch up on feeds when they got home.

At 12m with DS2, I went away for 4 days. The only issue was for me and the breast pump struggling to keep up with the engorgement. When I got home, he latched on straight away and normality resumed.

My worst day of parenting was trying to get DS1 on a bottle for nursery. I struggled to express, and it wasn't something that we needed to do to be worth that effort. It was a desperate day of screaming, trying umpteen bottles/ teets, me getting engorged and after miserable desperate hours, I gave in. I never attempted to put myself & DS2 through that.
What I didn't know then was that DS1 had CMPA and soya intolerance, so formula was basically a poison to his immune system. If BFing hadn't worked, he'd have been a very poorly baby before being prescribed neocate. DS1 also turned out many years later to be autistic with sensory processing issues which explains a reluctance to accept teets and expressed milk of the wrong temperature.

It's tough having a bottle refuser, not the actual getting out and living bit, that's generally quite doable; it's the guilting from pro-BFing sources about ruining supply etc, and the pressure from society that babies neeeeed to take bottles. Whatever you do, you're in the wrong.
It's handy if baby takes a bottle, but it's not compulsory.

And the chances of a healthy mum suddenly struck dead without baby are pretty damn slim. DS1 would have just had to have sucked up being very distressed then made ill by allergenic formulas, before finding an appropriate feeding method.

Littlemisscapable · 08/12/2024 09:38

WarmFrogPond · 06/12/2024 11:31

I’d go without thinking twice. But if you don’t want to, obviously that’s fine too.

This. He wil manage..

BlingaRinga · 08/12/2024 09:51

I’m all for equality but the poor man can’t grow boobs.

Sally543 · 08/12/2024 10:31

If your asking the question you want to go so go and manage the situation as best you can. If your feeding baby before you go and when you get back baby will either have bottle or wait till you get back it’s not as if your going for 3 days . If you go go with the right mind set baby is with dad and will be fine I’m going to enjoy myself for a few hrs and enjoy don’t be dinging and panicking dad will cope cos he had to. Sometimes your day won’t be straight forward but you just mange the situation you don’t say I can’t do this. Enjoy

JRM17 · 08/12/2024 10:37

I wouldn't dream if leaving my 6wk old baby regardless of if they were bottle fed or not. My DS was 7mo the first time I left him (for 5hrs) and that was for an awards ceremony, he was 19mo when he first stayed overnight at grandma's.

Snugglemonkey · 08/12/2024 10:50

I wouldn't. I would be too worried about the baby being hungry and distressed. I wouldn't relax or enjoy it.

Manthide · 08/12/2024 11:12

Dd2 has a beautiful baby girl. She is ebf and in the beginning was happy to have a bottle of expressed milk now and then. At some point when baby was about 5 weeks old, there were a few days when she didn't have a bottle but after that she refused the bottle - and hasn't had one since. Dd2 had an event planned when the bottle aversion was new and went but her dh had a terrible time with the baby. As soon as dd2 got in she had to deal with a very distressed baby and emotional dh. Baby is now 7 months and dd2 has only left her for a couple of hours since.