Should I leave my six week old baby to go out?

[Bookworm05]

Before I got pregnant, I booked some concert tickets for me, mum and sister. The concert is this weekend but I now have a six week old baby. I've always said I won't be able to go to the concert as I felt it was too soon to leave my partner with baby and toddler. When baby was first born and I said I wouldn't go, partner insisted I should go and he would be fine. Baby is breastfed but has been taking expressed milk in a bottle from my partner every three days or so. In the last week baby has developed a bottle aversion and screams through feeds, hardly taking any milk. My partner is stressing out about this and says he feels like a failure. It has made him really emotional and he won't really talk about it which I find hard. He has since said that he feels the concert has been a looming pressure hanging over us.

My family live an hour away and my partner, toddler and baby would need to stay at my family's house so that I can feed baby right before I leave and as soon as I get home. I would love to go to the concert but it has been a tricky week in our house. Toddler has got a bad cold, baby has been cluster feeding and partner is emotional. I'd love a break for a few hours but AIBU?

@LuckySantangelo35 I’m aware. As I’ve said I have a 20 week old who bottle refuses. I am planning to get him on a cup in a couple months alongside weaning but personally I’d rather deal with the restriction for a couple more months than have him scream at my husband for hours.

No I wouldn’t go in this circumstance. You have a newborn who isn’t taking to bottles well, at this he they feed lots and will get distressed if you’re not the ere and they won’t take a bottle. Very different to an older baby that can wait a bit.

I wouldn't go, surely there will be more concerts in the future x

My DD never ever took a bottle. I expressed but she wouldn't take it. It wasn't an issue as she used a sippy cup from between 4 and 5 months. It was a short term problem. As for the mention of what if the mum died, yes if I'd have died my husband would have had a few tricky days but I don't expect they would have been any harder that when I had to teach her to feed as a newborn. And the proportion of healthy women dying while their baby is between 6 weeks and 5 months must be too small to change how you do things for.

Totally your call what you do OP, neither option is wrong in my opinion.

Baby will be fine for a few hours, even if they don't want the bottle, and your husband will cope. You might even find baby will take the bottle if you're not about - amazing how picky they can be when the alternaitve of warm milk and cuddles are close by!

Likewise, if you don't feel ready to go, it's totally fine to stay. There's such a wide spectrum of how people feel six weeks postpartum and all are totally justified.

And if you do stay home, make sure you plan something else fun soon. You deserve a break!

It would be different if your baby was 6 months but at 6 weeks you are still establishing feeding etc and if he is not reliable at taking a bottle then I don’t think it’s really feasible to be able to go. Plus the fact that the whole family have got to up sticks and stay away for the night. I know how frustrating it is sometimes to have to miss out on things but that is the beauty of having a tiny newborn depending on you. I think you would spend most of the concert worrying about baby anyway so it may not be the night out that you expected.

I think your partner will be ok to look after his own kids

I wouldn’t and couldn’t have enjoyed myself. But we are all different. I think the fact baby isn’t feeding could be an issue though.

If the baby is not feed that I will be not go too. Just be wait but more and rebuke for another concert

My post was perhaps badly worded. What I meant was that it's ok to change your mind at short notice when you have a very small child who is unsettled. I meant to suggest that it would be less stressful to everyone (OP included) to accept that it may not be worth the hassle of going. Only OP can decide if going to the concert is worth the possible downside.

My impression from the first post was that OP was rather conflicted and was possibly looking for reassurance that it's ok not to go

Absolutely understand that being with a baby is not all enjoyable. I found it quite tricky myself but think some of that was because I didn't just go with the flow and opt out of doing things I felt I "should" be doing which actually made me quite stressed.
OP should do whatever she feels is best for her

In these circumstances, I would give it a miss. Too much hassle and stress. It’s only a concert. Give yourself permission not to go, and have a nice evening in - treat yourself to a takeaway etc.

I feel for you. Our 2nd is 9 months old, we are planning first date night tomorrow to a concert we bought tickets to 6 months ago. We all have a horrible dose and although on the mend I am unsure about leaving the baby especially as he's the worst, wants to feed for comfort... but I haven't been on a date in 9 months and to a concert in 4 years! Hoping by tomorrow we will be better.

I read an article yesterday about this time of motherhood when you're in the middle of it with babies and toddlers and don't want to but ultimately end up having to cancel things more than you would like because they come first... now is not the time to thrive but survive 😅

In that situation I wouldn't go, baby is cluster feeding and now won't take a bottle. There's no way I'd relax knowing my baby was at home crying for boob. Sorry I know it's hard but it's such early days, I would give it a miss and look to do something else when baby is older and there's not so much going on.

I left my DD with my sister for around 4 hours younger than that! But she was bottle fed. I think it's a tricky decision! You aren't a bad person if you do decide to go, but if you'd spend the whole time worrying maybe better not to?

In this situation I'd say no, don't go.

Toddler is unwell.

Baby not feeding properly and only 6 weeks old.

Partner emotional.

You're a team. I wouldn't leave my DH in this situation just for a concert.

Sorry OP but I have to say I don't think you should go

The baby won't instantly need a feed if you've fed before you leave. How long is the gap between feeds - a couple of hours? More? Because you easily have that much time. Then he could try to feed which would be half an hour ish before it would be clear that it was or wasn't working. If the venue is easy enough to get to I would go for half of the concert.

How long will you be away?

I would take the baby with me! At that age you basically put them in a sling and throw on some ear defenders and you're good to go. I took my 10 week old to a festival and they stayed out with me until late, slept through the entire concert.

Let your partner look after the toddler.

This ^

I think in this scenario I would give it a miss. Frazzled partner, baby who won’t feed for him and a poorly toddler doesn’t sound like a great combination.

Cluster feeding is when baby is wanting to be fed for sometimes a good while sometimes hours at a time, there's often minimal gap if any between feeds.

The baby it will grow fast. Not stress you will get more free time for yourself. In beginning women have just 1% free time but each month each year the percent grow very fast. You will have soon time to enjoy free time when you kid start school.you been 50% free when they start secondary school your freedom will be 90% after they one year old you will see you get more and more time for yourself

I wouldn't go. There'll be other concerts but your baby is a newborn for a very short time. I think it's not worth distressing both baby and partner for a few hours off. Plenty of time to go out in a few months when baby is more settled.

Thanks everyone! I've decided not to go and we are staying in with a takeaway instead. My partner and I have both been much more relaxed since I decided and have had a lovely afternoon. I think lots of you were right and I would have spent the whole time worrying. Thanks again!