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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Need a hand hold part 4

682 replies

Imbluedalale · 05/12/2024 17:02

Hi spoonies .
Welcome to season 4 xxx

OP posts:
Thread gallery
31
BeNavyCrab · 11/12/2024 12:45

@Imbluedalale Your Spoonies Army are all making very valuable points. You still have the narrative in your head that all the bad things are your fault, because it's what you have been indoctrinated to believe. Totally understandable because it's going to take time for you to corral the inner voice that's being destructive. We all have one, but you've been forced to believe everything it says is gospel by the other people around you. It's not going to change overnight but eventually you will be able to tell it to be quiet. None of it is your fault whatsoever.

If it was possible to cause someone to have high blood pressure purely on stress, you would have popped like a balloon by now!!
There's usually some physical thing that needs medication and management, when someone has consistently high blood pressure. Hopefully she has support from her doctor to control it. Your dad is naturally being protective towards her because he's worried and sees how it affects her as he's living with her. He's less aware of how affected you are as he's not there all the time. He's also used to thinking everything is fine.
Your mum does need to avoid unnecessary stress, where possible but that doesn't mean you can't talk to her about how you are feeling. She's not going to stop worrying about you, just because you don't tell her. It can be even more stressful knowing that someone isn't ok but is hiding it from you. Our brains are very good at going to the extreme and imagining the worst when we don't have information.

One way to try to minimise the stress for her is to try to have a plan of action or something positive that you are working towards, that you can talk about it with her. So she doesn't feel like she's got to try to solve the situation all the time. It will give her confidence that you are moving forward and not stuck in a bad place. It's also really good for you, because you have something to aim for. It doesn't have to be big. It could be as simple as, "This week I will plan to cook most of my meals at home, so I know that I am getting the nutrients my body needs to heal". Or I'm going to take the photos of my house and get them printed so I can add them into my scrapbook. Then each week I am going to look at a photo and write down the things I really like about it and how much I enjoyed choosing X bit of décor.

Try to choose something that you feel confident is possible. Preferably 7 out of 10 or more, on the confidence scale. This stops you from always trying something that's unattainable. Have a deadline say a week or two in the future, where you can look back and see how you got on. It's ok if you don't achieve it, just celebrating the bits that did work and learning why the other bits weren't possible, is still valuable. When you catch yourself thinking poorly if yourself, think about what you would say to one of your Spoonies, who didn't manage to achieve their goal. You deserve to be treated as kindly as you would treat a friend.

Imbluedalale · 11/12/2024 14:15

Apolloneuro · 11/12/2024 10:14

One day, when you’re feeling better you might like to read up on the Internal Families System model of therapy, developed by a guy called Dick Schwartz.

Basically all parts are trying to protect us and be helpful. It’s just that the part that tells you you’re rubbish is a bit misguided and needs accepting, healing and rebalancing. That’s what I mean by saying tell it to please hush (in a nice way like you would a child).

I’ve got to rush out now but I’ll write more later xxx

Thank you @Apolloneuro , I’ve put that in my notes to have a read of.
I hope you have a lovely afternoon. My mental health team have just left. They loved my house and they asked me if I’d consider joining a support group to offer guidance and support to other people who are struggling which really made me feel chuffed that they thought I’d be good at it. I said I would definitely do it in the new year . They also said they think I’m ready to do the self esteem workshop but have given me a few weeks to think about it. One of the ladies had tears rolling down her face when I told her the transsexual story 🤣🤣. I think I’ve already mentioned it on here but basically I’m abit ditzy and up until this year I always put me sexual orientation down as transsexual because I thought that meant straight . I thought that heterosexual meant how it’s spelt he to she . (He-to-seeing the word). Anyway I was talking to one of the nurses when I was last in hospital at Weston Park and she asked me to confirm my details on a form and she kept coming back to double check it and kept pointing at this particular question ‘orientation’ it turned out that she thought as they all did that I had been a man and was now a woman because I’d got them mixed up. Worst thing was this particular nurse had been washing me in the shower, she must have thought that the surgeons had done a good job down there 😂. Mortifying xx

OP posts:
Meanwhile33 · 11/12/2024 14:27

Haha @Imbluedalale they must have all been so confused! As if you would have needed that extra complication in your life!!! 🍆🍊🍊✂️🤨❓

You have been in my thoughts a lot over the last few days. Teenagers are notoriously selfish, I’m sorry your kids aren’t checking in on you more. But I guess that means you’ve done a good job of protecting them from worrying too much, so they’re thinking you’re basically fine and this operation wasn’t a big deal.

It’s awful that your ex and his horrible family are getting into your son’s head. I love the image of surrounding your children with a sea of love and reasonableness @RaspberryBeretxx . Your ex can’t win long term against that because he isn’t reasonable, and before too long your kids will see that. But I’m sorry this stage is so painful.

Imbluedalale · 11/12/2024 14:52

MsJinks · 11/12/2024 10:18

Hi Laura - what a rubbish time you're having - just rest when you feel like resting right now - and totally get the 'just not today' thing - you're listening to your mind/body and that's the most essential thing.
Your daughter- just a few thoughts - she's going to be self absorbed at around 16 (?) but they turn back into humans eventually- girls are often extra dramatic alongside though (sigh). Things that jumped out at me - she does not want to think of you as poorly; you're her Mum and it upsets her to a point she doesn't want to think even the tiniest bit about it so she pushes to prove it's ok really; Mums are seen as the invincible rock but just because she needs you, loves you, and wants you there forever - don't expect her to actively say this anytime particularly soon though! Also her friends can't go and have that time at your exes, you're nicer than that - you listen/have empathy and care for her needs/interests, not getting that so much with Dad/Gruesome Gran. She feels totally safe with you to tantrum - would she do that at her dad's?
It's natural to feel you let her down - you didn't though - and despite above it's fine she starts learning about you, your needs, and gaining some empathy and skills to take into adult life - you're still teaching her these things, as her Mum, even if it's not as straightforward as we hope/imagine.
Re 'stuff' - when kids were small and paternal Nan went OTT on stuff a nursery worker caught my expression (contact arrangements meant daughter had been dropped there after) - she said 'let them enjoy it, don't take that away' - I tried very hard on this since - very hard it is too tbh. They didn't love her more, or less tbf, for this ultimately- the high of the stuff was 'fleeting', it was what happened with Nan but making no odds to what happened with mum, and as adults they know how people are. They always loved their Nan, but saw her faults, and were much closer to me than her. Long long paragraph to say not worry about it - you know why your ex does this and so will your daughter- she may even know now but she's never going to turn it down!
Blood pressure- load of tosh imo and don't they think they're stressing your Mum being so adverse to her relationship with you - she wants to support all her kids and will be worried about all of you in different ways - she will get much pleasure helping you now too.
Wish I could send a nice crafted card pic - but it would be depressing and scary if I tried 🙈🤣 - wishing you a restful day though and you are doing great!

Hi @MsJinks , how are you today? Good I hope. Sorry I didn't reply sooner I had my mental health team here.

OP posts:
RaspberryBeretxx · 11/12/2024 16:27

😂😂 at putting transexual down on the forms and the nurse that had been washign you in the shower thinking you were male to female! That did make me laugh.

That's amazing that your mental health team wanted to put you down for a support group to provide others with help and support. That just shows how far you've come and that they can see it. The self-esteem course also sounds amazing and like that could be a big help.

I've been to a funeral today, not someone I was super close to but someone who died a bit before their time and after a very short illness and it was pretty emotional - in a positive way as well as sad and felt lovely to remember her and hear stories about her life. Im' now sitting at my desk trying to work 😐.

Munchyseeds2 · 11/12/2024 17:49

@Imbluedalale 😂just spat my tea out at your transsexual story!!
The nurse must have thought you had the best surgeon in the 🌎!
Work lunch out for me today....it was very nice but I'm off out for another meal tonight, believe me when I say I very rarely go out and I'm not going to sleep tonight as I will be too full

If anyone can help others, it's you. Your support team sees that in you, and so do we xxx

Imbluedalale · 11/12/2024 18:28

Sorry I didn’t finish that…
My mental health workers want to get social services involved with ex as they think he is taking away my rights as a mum and they said it’s not fair on me or the children.
I’m abit worried about that tbh because ex hates anybody in authority and he will come down on me like a tonne of bricks .
My daughter is very self absorbed but she’s also very loving at times , I just haven't seen much of that lately but I know she’s in there. She worries about ex and his families feelings more than mine which hurts but all I can do is be there for her and keep talking to her and hopefully things will change.
Oh she is so dramatic , yesterday she was texting me being very dramatic saying ‘omg it’s not fair’ etc and she asked me about 100 times.I still feel bad but I’m listening to all you spoonies and I keep telling myself it’s not my fault and it couldn’t be helped.
She tantrums a lot more with me but there’s no rules with my ex so she never gets told no with him. My mum says she’s being very selfish but I know I shouldn’t but I’m pussy footing around her as if she’s upset with me she won’t want to see me .
Thank you for letting me know about your kids paternal nan and sharing that with me.
My youngest hasn’t been very nice to me today, my mum and dad were here whilst he was texting me being horrible . He said he’ll try and see me after Christmas and that he’s going Liverpool again on Monday so I’ve got no option now but to go see a solicitor. My youngest said if I get a solicitor he’ll never speak to me again but I’ve had enough and it’s his education . I can’t believe the school has authorised it again without my consent . Not only that but next week in Liverpool is going to be so so busy so ex will be too busy to look after him. Grrrr so frustrating xx

OP posts:
Imbluedalale · 11/12/2024 19:04

RaspberryBeretxx · 11/12/2024 11:37

I’m so sorry Laura that you were feeling so groggy yesterday. I’m sure it’s a really normal reaction to the op and the anaesthetic on top of everything else. And of course you couldn’t go to the cinema! You did exactly the right thing - fainting in the cinema or on the way and going off to hospital would have been a worse night for your daughter , you really need to look after your physical health just now.

I wonder if part of your children pulling away a bit and are being not very caring is that they’re actually a bit worried and scared so they sort of just ignore the situation (and therefore you) and even create a bit of drama (on your daughter’s part) to make it about them. In a totally normal teen way but to displace their fears and centre themselves. I’m not sure I would really have known what to do if my mum was ill at those ages.

They also have your ex’s attitude towards you as an example and him and his Mum’s evil little voices in their ears. I think just keep on being the calm voice of reason and love. I may have said this before but my Uncle who’s a mental health nurse, when I was going through things with my ex, said you have to “surround them with a sea of reasonableness” and I often think of that saying. I was imagining you surrounding your children with a sea of love, reasonableness and compassion. I’m sure you’ve already done that and they are aware on some level that your ex has been an absolute arse to you but are stuck in the fog, trying to appease him themselves (I assume they save their worst behaviour for you and are angels for him? Mine definitely does!). Did you ever discuss your broken ribs that the principal told your daughter about with her?

My DS absolutely asks and asks and asks if he wants something (usually a sleepover). I have to be really really firm and do worry that I’ve upset him but he actually just takes it on the chin, it’s me who is left feeling worried and crappy. I’m sure you’r daughter will forget about it all sooner than you do!

My close friend has a teen who was nagging and complaining about something and she reached the end of her tether and shouted “well what do you actually want me to do about it?!” and he calmly said “oh, nothing really, I just wanted a moan...”. I always try and remember "he just wants a moan... he just wants a moan..." when DS is going on and on and on… Sometimes they actually get an emotional need met by the nagging/pushing/complaining.

I think the anger you feel towards your ex is so so normal and needs to be felt rather than swallowed down and held onto as it will only come out later on. There are some good techniques for releasing anger like stomping and things - they may not be possible right now when you’re in recovery but I’ll try and find some good ones when you’re feeling a bit better or some that can be done more easily.

Ugh at your family blaming you for your mum’s blood pressure. It’s 100% not your fault, nor is you having cancer or your ex throwing you out or the situation with your children. You’ve done amazingly well to get to this point given everything, you have nothing to feel bad or guilty about at all. Sending a big hug and lots of feel better vibes to you. Enjoy the rest of the film, I was listening to Richard Curtis talking about it on Zoe ball on radio 2 this morning on the nursery run. It sounds really lovely.

Well done for ringing the doctors. that’s such an achievement (I say this as the person who needs to book a smear test).

@BeNavyCrab good luck to your daughter in her next exam. The card is beautiful!

I better post this now before I write more and it gets any more of a novel! Hello all the spoonies. Hope you're all OK.

Evening @RaspberryBeretxx , sorry for the late reply my mum and dad were here. My dad put up a cabinet for me for my living room it’s not fully done yet he’s going to come next week to finish it .
Are you ok? I hope so and I hope you’ve had a nice day.
Thank you so much for your lovely words. My daughter rang me earlier whilst my mum and dad were here and my mum told me to tell her I wasn’t feeling well so I did and you know what she said? She said ‘guess what I got my nails done yesterday and they look amazing’ . My mum was fuming with her and I had to stop my mum from ringing her.
My exs mum has got it into my children that skin cancer is the best cancer to get if you was to get cancer so I think that’s why they are not taking it seriously. Yes I have skin cancer but it’s magnificent melanoma which is the worst one to have and I have been poorly.
I really like that saying that your uncle said , I’m really trying to be reasonable but I do feel angry. My youngest has now said he hates school , he loved it before so unfortunately I did tell him that I’m going to contest his absences and that I’m not happy about it. I’m actually glad now that social services are getting involved because my rights as a mum are being taken away, like I don’t even matter or have a say in anything.
Your DS sounds very mature that he takes it on the chin . Hats off to you for bringing him up that way. I need to learn to be more firm and say enough as enough and no means no.
My mum put up a Christmas tree for me today , I’m not feeling Christmassy at all this year but I went along with it and it does look nice.
I do feel so so angry at ex he’s trying to take all my rights away as a mum and take my children away and it bloody hurts.
Thank you so much for the hug , it truly means a lot. I have a doctors appointment booked for next Wednesday so at least I know it’s booked and I have a week to gear myself up for it . So now I’ve done that you need to ring your doctors and get that smear booked ❤️
Sending you lots of love xx

OP posts:
Imbluedalale · 11/12/2024 19:15

BeNavyCrab · 11/12/2024 12:45

@Imbluedalale Your Spoonies Army are all making very valuable points. You still have the narrative in your head that all the bad things are your fault, because it's what you have been indoctrinated to believe. Totally understandable because it's going to take time for you to corral the inner voice that's being destructive. We all have one, but you've been forced to believe everything it says is gospel by the other people around you. It's not going to change overnight but eventually you will be able to tell it to be quiet. None of it is your fault whatsoever.

If it was possible to cause someone to have high blood pressure purely on stress, you would have popped like a balloon by now!!
There's usually some physical thing that needs medication and management, when someone has consistently high blood pressure. Hopefully she has support from her doctor to control it. Your dad is naturally being protective towards her because he's worried and sees how it affects her as he's living with her. He's less aware of how affected you are as he's not there all the time. He's also used to thinking everything is fine.
Your mum does need to avoid unnecessary stress, where possible but that doesn't mean you can't talk to her about how you are feeling. She's not going to stop worrying about you, just because you don't tell her. It can be even more stressful knowing that someone isn't ok but is hiding it from you. Our brains are very good at going to the extreme and imagining the worst when we don't have information.

One way to try to minimise the stress for her is to try to have a plan of action or something positive that you are working towards, that you can talk about it with her. So she doesn't feel like she's got to try to solve the situation all the time. It will give her confidence that you are moving forward and not stuck in a bad place. It's also really good for you, because you have something to aim for. It doesn't have to be big. It could be as simple as, "This week I will plan to cook most of my meals at home, so I know that I am getting the nutrients my body needs to heal". Or I'm going to take the photos of my house and get them printed so I can add them into my scrapbook. Then each week I am going to look at a photo and write down the things I really like about it and how much I enjoyed choosing X bit of décor.

Try to choose something that you feel confident is possible. Preferably 7 out of 10 or more, on the confidence scale. This stops you from always trying something that's unattainable. Have a deadline say a week or two in the future, where you can look back and see how you got on. It's ok if you don't achieve it, just celebrating the bits that did work and learning why the other bits weren't possible, is still valuable. When you catch yourself thinking poorly if yourself, think about what you would say to one of your Spoonies, who didn't manage to achieve their goal. You deserve to be treated as kindly as you would treat a friend.

Hi @BeNavyCrab , did you manage to rest? I hope so 🤞
Im going to have an early night tonight as feel shattered.
All the Spoonies have made very valuable points and the support you have all given me is amazing and I’m so glad I have you all.
Deep down I know none of this is my fault , I didn’t ask for this or ask to be treated the way I was but I just feel like I’m getting punished for it .
I did get upset to my mum today I couldn’t hold it in any longer and she did give me a cuddle but she is mad at how I’m being treated and she feels frustrated by it all. I told her not to get stressed and that I’ll be ok .
I asked my parents if they would take me to M&S next week to get some snacks bits for Christmas Day so that I’ve got something to look forward to and they said they would so I’m looking forward ti getting out for abit and picking some nice treats.
I did read your post earlier and I did take on board your advice and I have been telling my mum what I’m going to be doing next week and what I’d like to do. She did sound relieved that I’m planning things.
I hope you’ve had a nice day @BeNavyCrab and I hope you manage to rest this evening. Big hugs xx

OP posts:
Imbluedalale · 11/12/2024 19:20

Meanwhile33 · 11/12/2024 14:27

Haha @Imbluedalale they must have all been so confused! As if you would have needed that extra complication in your life!!! 🍆🍊🍊✂️🤨❓

You have been in my thoughts a lot over the last few days. Teenagers are notoriously selfish, I’m sorry your kids aren’t checking in on you more. But I guess that means you’ve done a good job of protecting them from worrying too much, so they’re thinking you’re basically fine and this operation wasn’t a big deal.

It’s awful that your ex and his horrible family are getting into your son’s head. I love the image of surrounding your children with a sea of love and reasonableness @RaspberryBeretxx . Your ex can’t win long term against that because he isn’t reasonable, and before too long your kids will see that. But I’m sorry this stage is so painful.

Evening @Meanwhile33 , how’s your day been? Are you ok?
Your emojis did make me laugh 😆.
The worrying thing is that my dentist and doctor also think I’m a transsexual as that’s what I’ve put on all my forms and I haven't got the guts to ring them and say ‘actually I’m heterosexual’.
Thankyou for thinking of me @Meanwhile33 it’s so nice and reassuring that you think I matter and that people do think of me and care.
It is painful and heartbreaking and I’m really struggling with it all this week tbh but I will be ok. I’ve been at rock bottom so I know I’ll be ok and I just have to carry on xx

OP posts:
Imbluedalale · 11/12/2024 19:25

RaspberryBeretxx · 11/12/2024 16:27

😂😂 at putting transexual down on the forms and the nurse that had been washign you in the shower thinking you were male to female! That did make me laugh.

That's amazing that your mental health team wanted to put you down for a support group to provide others with help and support. That just shows how far you've come and that they can see it. The self-esteem course also sounds amazing and like that could be a big help.

I've been to a funeral today, not someone I was super close to but someone who died a bit before their time and after a very short illness and it was pretty emotional - in a positive way as well as sad and felt lovely to remember her and hear stories about her life. Im' now sitting at my desk trying to work 😐.

Hi @RaspberryBeretxx , I hope you’re ok after the funeral. They are always hard and emotional especially when it’s sudden. Sending you a big hug lovely.
I always wonder what that nurse would say to her husband after she got home from looking after me and showering. ‘I’ve seen a he she today and it all looked real and normal you wouldn’t have known it used to be a man’ 😂
I’m looking forward to hopefully being able to help people in the future. If I can help just one person that it will be worth it .
I hope you are having a relaxing evening xx

OP posts:
Imbluedalale · 11/12/2024 19:32

Munchyseeds2 · 11/12/2024 17:49

@Imbluedalale 😂just spat my tea out at your transsexual story!!
The nurse must have thought you had the best surgeon in the 🌎!
Work lunch out for me today....it was very nice but I'm off out for another meal tonight, believe me when I say I very rarely go out and I'm not going to sleep tonight as I will be too full

If anyone can help others, it's you. Your support team sees that in you, and so do we xxx

Hi @Munchyseeds2 , 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣that did make me laugh. I bet she was petrified to shower me 🤣
I’m glad you enjoyed your work lunch and I hope you enjoy your meal tonight . Let me know what you have. I’m nosy like that .
Awww that’s such a lovely thing to say thank you so much. 😊
Sending lots of love xx

OP posts:
Apolloneuro · 11/12/2024 20:50

That has made me giggle so much Laura, the transsexual mistake.

We all think you are blooming brilliant. I’m so impressed with you.

Have you finished the film? I cried my eyes out when his dad didn’t come home for Christmas. My husband looked at me like I’d been drinking. I then realised I hadn’t put a new HRT patch on, so I was hormonal 😂

Big love to everyone. I’m off to bed.

spoonfulofmustard · 11/12/2024 20:52

@Apolloneuro do not under any circumstances watch snow sister if youre prone to crying hysterically at films!!!! x

Apolloneuro · 11/12/2024 21:00

spoonfulofmustard · 11/12/2024 20:52

@Apolloneuro do not under any circumstances watch snow sister if youre prone to crying hysterically at films!!!! x

I will not 🙃😆

Grrrpredictivetex · 11/12/2024 23:03

Sleep well Laura and all the spoonies.

Imbluedalale · 11/12/2024 23:07

Apolloneuro · 11/12/2024 20:50

That has made me giggle so much Laura, the transsexual mistake.

We all think you are blooming brilliant. I’m so impressed with you.

Have you finished the film? I cried my eyes out when his dad didn’t come home for Christmas. My husband looked at me like I’d been drinking. I then realised I hadn’t put a new HRT patch on, so I was hormonal 😂

Big love to everyone. I’m off to bed.

Oh you could have warned me @Apolloneuro , I’ve been bawling my eyes out for 3 hours! I loved it but I’m too emotional to have watched that.
You’re so lovely @Apolloneuro , you genuinely are an amazing person. Thank you for being a spoony. Good night beautiful xx

OP posts:
Imbluedalale · 11/12/2024 23:08

Grrrpredictivetex · 11/12/2024 23:03

Sleep well Laura and all the spoonies.

You too @Grrrpredictivetex . Sweet dreams and I hope you have a lovely sleep xx

OP posts:
spoonfulofmustard · 11/12/2024 23:25

spoonfulofmustard · 11/12/2024 20:52

@Apolloneuro do not under any circumstances watch snow sister if youre prone to crying hysterically at films!!!! x

i most add its grorgeous!! im not great with sibtitlesbut its a stunning film xx

nornironlady · 12/12/2024 06:16

Good morning Spoonies. Just checking in with you all. It's been a rough week with the bug partner brought in. He definitely has a flu as he didn't get his jab but I just got a bad cold thankfully. I called in sick and have done the bare minimum in the parenting department 😂
@Imbluedalale Transsexual......fantastic I love this!

Imbluedalale · 12/12/2024 10:10

nornironlady · 12/12/2024 06:16

Good morning Spoonies. Just checking in with you all. It's been a rough week with the bug partner brought in. He definitely has a flu as he didn't get his jab but I just got a bad cold thankfully. I called in sick and have done the bare minimum in the parenting department 😂
@Imbluedalale Transsexual......fantastic I love this!

Good morning @nornironlady , I really hope you and partner start to feel better soon. Sending big hugs. I’m just watching the holiday with a cup of tea. I hope you have a good day despite you feeling poorly.
Good morning to all you spoonies xxxx

OP posts:
CookiePookie · 12/12/2024 13:36

Honestly, you must write a book, Laura! Your turn of phrase in the darkest of moments keeps uplifting even when it all seems disheartening. I have a pile of stuff going on at the moment; when it's overwhelming, I really, honestly think - what would Laura do? How would she react to this one more 'straw-that-might break-me'. Because she would find the spirit and pure gumption (Granny's old word) to find a light to focus on. You make the world a brighter place every day. Hugs to you.

Apolloneuro · 12/12/2024 13:53

That’s a lovely post cookie. Love the word ‘gumption’.

RaspberryBeretxx · 12/12/2024 16:27

Imbluedalale · 11/12/2024 19:25

Hi @RaspberryBeretxx , I hope you’re ok after the funeral. They are always hard and emotional especially when it’s sudden. Sending you a big hug lovely.
I always wonder what that nurse would say to her husband after she got home from looking after me and showering. ‘I’ve seen a he she today and it all looked real and normal you wouldn’t have known it used to be a man’ 😂
I’m looking forward to hopefully being able to help people in the future. If I can help just one person that it will be worth it .
I hope you are having a relaxing evening xx

Thank you 💕. I was glad I went.

how are you today? Glad your parents were with you yesterday. How’s the cabinet looking? How was The Holiday? I love that film!

so sorry your daughter isn’t taking your cancer seriously and went on about her nails 🤦🏻‍♀️. I guess it’s very teenage self centred behaviour along with wanting to pretend it isn’t happening and that you will be fine and it’s not serious. My sons dad had cancer over the last year and son got really upset when it was all unknown then when my ex knew the situation and we sat down and told our son, he was so happy to believe that it would all be cured and didn’t seem to worry after that. I guess kids just have a way of telling themselves the best outcome will happen but in your situation it’s making them come across as uncaring.

I think you’re doing the right thing with going down the official route and getting SS involved. It’s what is best for your son, not necessarily what he thinks he wants (but is actually just appeasing his dad). In 10 years time when he has qualifications, a career he wants and has had a stable teens and a relationship with you, he will be thanking you for fighting for him. I know it must be so hard that he’s pulling away but I just wanted to say you’re so brave for going to battle on his behalf.

I will make that smear appointment now as you’ve put me to shame by making your appointment 🙈☺️.

DD and I made a banana and blueberry muffin recipe but as a traybake. It’s delicious 😋.

@nornironlady so sorry to hear you and your DP are both ill, lots going around. Hope you feel better soon!

beautiful post @CookiePookie 😍😍.

Hello all 🥄 🥄🥄🥄🥄🥄🥄💕💕💕

Munchyseeds2 · 12/12/2024 18:36

There iss SUCH alot of illness around at the moment, I know it's the time of year but still.
I hope everyone is taking vit D3 and k, it really is important
I hope you all feel better soon 💕

My meal out last night was fine and it was nice to catch up...but service was really slow as they were short staffed, so we didn't actually start eating til after 9pm, it was pre ordered as well
That's way too late for me!!

@Imbluedalale
I know that you don't want to go down the legal route re access to your youngest due to how twat might react....but, if you think about it, he is already doing the worst thing by keeping your lad away from you.

Yes he won't be happy at you getting authorities involved but he will, ultimately, have to abide by what is decided, hes not above the law whatever he thinks....if he or his family try to do anything in retaliation you call the police?? Xxx

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