Need a hand hold part 4

[Imbluedalale]

Hi spoonies .
Welcome to season 4 xxx

i'm one of the many sick, i really hope you've looked in legal support laura, you should be eligible as pp have said. hope everyone gets over all these horrible bugs in the next week, holding a spoon in solidarity xx

Hi @CookiePookie , how are you today?
What you wrote is so lovely, thank you so much.
All I’m doing is trying my hardest not to break, I don’t want to be broken anymore and whilst I can’t seem to stop ex from doing what he’s doing what I can do is try and stop it from breaking me. I will no longer give him that power.He can keep throwing missiles at me and whilst I didn’t have a bullet proof vest last time this time I do.
I have spoken the the school again today and shared my concerns that youngest is having more time off school and that I’m worried about his education and also that I’m not happy this keeps happening without my consent. She said that as we both have parental responsibility they don’t need to get permission from the other parent for absence. I said to her that my children have never used the ‘traveller law’ as it never applied to us , my other two children went all through primary and secondary and college and never used it. She said she understands my frustrations and agrees with me but she said when it comes to traveller law her and the schools hands are tied.
It’s not just my youngest education I’m worried about it’s that I know next week is going to be so busy at the market and ex will be too busy to watch youngest so I feel anxious about that too.
Anyway I’m taking the spoonies advice and keeping calm and carrying on.
I’m sorry to hear you have a pile of stuff going on, I’m always here to talk or vent to. Sending you a big hug @CookiePookie.
I love that word ‘gumption’ ! I’ve never heard it before but I’m going to start using it.
Sending you lots of love xxxxx

Evening @RaspberryBeretxx, have you had a nice day?
I’m ok thank you are you? My legs been in abit of pain today but nothing unmanageable I am definitely getting older though as keep feeling wiped out , one minute I’m feeling ok and the next I can’t keep my eyes open.
The cabinet is looking great, it’s not fully done yet as there was about 1000 parts to it and my dad was at it for 4 hours bless him but the outside is done just needs the drawers doing and the back putting on but it fits really nicely in my living room. My mum put me a tree up yesterday even though I’m not feeling Christmassy. I said to her ‘has the tree been on ozempic’? It’s the skinniest tree I’ve ever seen 😂
Holiday was brill I love that film too, my tv must play random films after ones finished though as fell asleep on sofa and woke up to ‘smile’ playing in the background. Not what you want to wake up too.
Im sorry to hear your sons dad has cancer too and your son seems to be managing it really well bless him. I don’t want my children worrying but sometimes a little compassion would be nice. I will be honest and say I did find it hard coming home from the hospital to an empty house and having to look after myself. It’s times like that when you need abit of love and care. But then I think I did it all on my own when I was with ex so it’s no different really.
Finding it really hard with youngest, he sees exs sisters children not ever going to school and laying in till lunchtime . What’s really funny about the situation is that his sister has come to live there with her family for the winter to work so her, her husband and 2 oldest kids are working so now the youngest who hasn’t been to school for 2 years she now wants to put him in school there but he’s 2 years behind so has to go 2 years below his age and the school said they are full. Guess what? She appealed it and used the ‘traveller law’ and she won. Just seems one rule for one and one rule for another.
I might start saying I’m a bird and need to be up in the sky so I need to have lifetime free flights so I can feel at home in the air.
Did you make the smear appointment? I know they are horrible things to have but just think it’s a few minutes of discomfort for reassurance that all is ok.
Your traybake sounds delicious, I love anything with bananas in especially banana bread it’s my favourite cake in the world. I’m rubbish at baking cakes though. Was it hard to make?
Sending big hugs xxxx

Hi @Munchyseeds2 , how are you today?
There definitely does seem to be so many illnesses going about at the moment. big hugs to all that are feeling unwell ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I’m sorry to hear your meal was slow last night I hate when that happens especially when you’re hungry.
No I don’t want to go down the legal route mainly because I’m scared of what ex might do then but he’s taking away my rights as a mum and trying to keep my children from me. He isn’t even spending time with them because he’s working every day he’s just doing it to spite me. My mum thinks I should wait until January to go down the legal route. What do you think?
They all do think they are above the law though that’s the thing and most of the time they get away with it xx

Hi @spoonfulofmustard , sorry you’re not feeling well. Sending you a big bug.
I have looked into legal support online and it does say I will be eligible for help which is a relief . My mental health team also said they will support me as I know he’ll definitely use my depression and anxiety to say I’m a bad mum. I really don’t want it to get nasty but I do feel backed into a corner.
I hope you feel better soon lovely xxxx

Hello all! Sorry for disappearing! I was with Johnny Depp in a new Shay and Blue advert.... oh, no, hang on, I've got that wrong - I was on the sofa with about 15 metric tons of cough sweets and tissues. Bugger!

In a long rambly post trying to catch up with what I've missed as I read through it all:

@Imbluedalale - may the plague of arse boils infesting your ex also take a shine to his mother. Virulent green ones! Seriously though, she sounds unhinged and awful - who says that sort of emotional blackmail to kids?! Well done on your productive conversation with the police! Your ex is clearly an evil bastard - the things he's done make my blood run cold. BLOODY WELL DONE for breaking away from him - I'm so proud of you!!

@EdgeOfReality - hugs to you too, and well done on getting out too.

Thinking of all that fleece reminds me, I used to have some fleece trousers. Feck knows who makes fleece trousers and why, but to be honest i could do with some for the gardening - especially at this time of year! Mind you, my current gardening is mostly me looking out the window, thinking of all the stuff that needs doing out there, and then going back to the sofa with more tea!

@Nottogetapenny - Can I join you in the miming please? I love singing, but singing does not love me!

@Imbluedalale "I’d rather cover myself in honey and staple my tits to a beehive xx" HAHA!!!! Absolute best phrase ever! Love it!!

@BeNavyCrab - I hope you and your husband have recovered from the thing doing the rounds - it's bloody horrible isn't it. Mr Cornflake has had the eternal cold/cough too - we currently sound like we belong in a Victorian sanatorium for consumptives! Your cards are gorgeous by the way!

@Apolloneuro - ooh, that cake looks yummy!!!

@Imbluedalale - massive belated hugs for your op. I hope you are feeling ok. I love that poster: "a wise woman once said , fuck this shit and she lived happily ever after"

@nornironlady I've only just twigged that your name isn't non-iron-lady! I've been thinking you were, like me, adverse to ironing things!! D'OH!! I hope you feel better soon from this blasted virus too.

@Imbluedalale - MASSIVE hugs that your daughter was being a total diva. Of course you couldn't go to the cinema, and you didn't let her down, and she's being daft. It's not that your kids don't care, it's that they're still kids and their brains aren't fully developed yet. They are still in that totally egocentric stage where they've not really cottoned on that adults have feelings too. As to you being "weak", er, you wot?! You are the strongest person ever!!! Which is why the support team have asked you to support people, which is awesome!!

I've just reached the transexual revelation - OMG, that is priceless!

Also "has the tree been on ozempic?" - Brilliant phrase!! You HAVE to write a book!!!

@RaspberryBeretxx I'm sorry to hear about the funeral. Many hugs.

@Imbluedalale
January isn't far away now ....if I were you I think I would use the next few weeks to
recover and start to look at the sort of support you can get to help you fight him in the new year
You almost have nothing to lose and everything to gain xxx

Thanks for asking about me. Unfortunately yesterday didn't quite turn out as planned. I woke up feeling quite unwell again so we couldn't do the wrapping as planned. I spent most of yesterday in and out of sleep. My husband had to help me deal with the pressure sores that are a bit of a constant battle. They always seem to take advantage when I'm unwell or run down.

Anyway today was a better day and I could help "direct" the wrapping. So that's one job sorted out.

I'm really glad you are finding the Spoonies support and suggestions useful. You are doing marvelously well, in an extremely challenging situation. I think it's going to be a good thing that Social Services are going to be involved in looking after your children because it sounds like your ex is not going to be reasonable or put their needs first. It's very hard for the school to stop him, now he's claiming travellers status. They are going to be hampered by not seeming to be causing discrimination. He still is supposed to be given work to do independently and be in contact once a week but if your ex flouted that the first time, I expect he's going to next time too. Social services will have much more power to enforce things or get your children back under your roof. It's going to take time though because they have to be seen, giving him a chance to change. I'd advise you to be totally honest with them about the abuse you faced, as well as the emotional manipulation he's doing to them. I would think that it would make them look into their safety as a priority. It must be so so difficult to know that things are wrong and not being able to sweep them up and get them out of there!

It's such a horrible thing to say that skin cancer is a "good one" to get. There's no such thing as a good one and it's so undermining to suggest that you don't deserve care, consideration and worrying about. I know we don't want our kids to worry about us but there's a difference between thinking it's just a minor issue and not going to affect the way you feel, especially after an operation and the reality of a fight with cancer. I get why your mum wanted a word with your daughter when she was busy telling you about her nails.😭

Hi Laura, I had a nice day yesterday thanks. Sorry you had a bit of leg pain but glad it was manageable. I think it sounds very normal to feel exhausted! Especially as you have had some rubbish sleep over the last few weeks/months. Hope you can gibe super kind to yourself and get lots of rest.

😂 at your skinny ozempic tree! That’s nice you have one though.

Thank you on my son’s Dad. It seems to be all gone, they did an op then gave him treatment as a precaution but they didn’t find that it had spread so fingers crossed. I just wanted to mention to you as DS, despite loving his Dad a lot, was actually less concerned than I thought he’d be so i can understand your children might seem a bit unworried (especially with your ex MIL in their ear with her ridiculous views on the “best type of cancer” - feels crazy to even type that phrase!).

It must have been so hard going home to an empty house after your op. Huge hugs. Yes, hold on to the fact it would have been harder going back to your ex and how he would have been afterwards. You're at the very start of rebuilding your life after 20 years of abuse and you will get there and build up that support network, get your children back etc. It must feel like such a mountain to climb but you're so strong and taking it a step at a time, you're doing amazingly.

That’s tough with your youngest seeing his cousins skipping school, sleeping in etc. Maybe seeing his cousin go to school 2 years below his age, start off with no friends and struggle with it all might help him realise he does need to stay in school. I can totally get feeling really worried about your ex being too busy to look after him. In the kindest possible way to your son, I hope he feels bored and lonely and starts to see that maybe the life your ex is suggesting isn’t the best for him. I think he probably does already know that deep down but it’s easier/safer to go along with whatever your ex says. That’s why it’s so important for you to force a change - your son may not be saying he wants to live with you, be back at school etc but that's not how he truly feels. It’s so crazy to me that your ex has said he’ll be missing his friends/football if he stays with you but then takes him miles away from both of those things for weeks! Your son must be starting to see the disconnect between what your ex says and what he does.

Well done for speaking to school again. Keep recording all the action you’re taking so that you can show it all. You can always follow up with an email to the school to confirm the conversation and ensure it’s on record. I think it’s fine to start it in January if that feels best and what your mum suggests. Give your children a bit more time, collect evidence and see how things pan out. Maybe you could start planning now so you’d be ready to go? Write notes, put together documents, find out about legal aid, make an appointment with a solicitor etc?

I booked my smear test! And they could fit me in today at 1.10pm. I thought it’d be after Christmas. So that’s good (they probably saw I was a bit late with it and thought “shit, get her in quick!”).

@BeNavyCrab glad you had a better day yesterday. Hope you’re feeling OK today. I totally agree with your great advice for Laura to be really honest with SS about the abuse and everything.

@ChoccieCornflake so sorry to hear you’ve been ill. Hope you’re feeling a bit better today! Although I’m most disappointed you haven’t been filming your Shay and Blue ad.

Also the banana and blueberry muffins were amazing and so so easy to make, just mix all the ingredients together with a spoon basically - no creaming of butter and sugar, beating etc required. I usually like to use good old mary berry recipes but this is an american one that came out really well.

You could also leave out the blueberries or vary the amount of banana (I used one large banana and a random amount of blueberries). I also cooked it in a 9 x 9 inch tin rather than muffin cases and used 2 teaspoons of baking powder rather than 1 baking powder and 1 baking soda. It was this recipe: https://www.crazyforcrust.com/banana-blueberry-muffins-recipe/

Good luck with your smear @RaspberryBeretxx. Not particularly pleasant, but so vital.

Hope you feel ok today @BeNavyCrab. You are so strong and brave.

How do you feel today @ChoccieCornflake?

Wave to @AdmittowearingCrocs @Malbecfan @Munchyseeds2 and @nornironlady

Am in the hairdressers getting the naughty greys gone.

Afternoon everyone!
@BeNavyCrab I hope you are feeling better today. Pressure sores are the worst 😥
@RaspberryBeretxx take paracetamol before the dreaded test....helps a bit!
Muffins sound fab
@Apolloneuro hope you enjoyed the time in the hairdressers...I went shades of purple to hide the grey

@Imbluedalale How are you doing today lovely? Xxx

Thank you for the paracetamol advice @Munchyseeds2 , I took some before I went and it was probably the best smear ever (not that any of them are particularly fun 😆).

Hope your hairdresser appointment is relaxing and you are pleased with the hair @Apolloneuro .

@RaspberryBeretxx oh I'm glad it helped!

I'm being v lazy and watching a new comedy on iplayer called Only Child....reminds me a bit of Mum if anyone ever saw that?

Hi @ChoccieCornflake , it’s so lovely to hear from you. I’m sorry to hear you havnt been very well. I hope you feel better soon.
I was secretly hoping you’d been snapped up by Shay & blue and you was in the Maldives filming their advert.
I never use the c word or call anyone it but that’s exactly what exs mother is. She’s told my eldest that she’s doesn’t understand why I’ve pushed her away or why she can’t come and see my house. Why does she need to see it? Why is she suddenly interested in my life when she couldn’t have cared less before? Why is she saying stuff to my children to make me look like a bad person? Grrrr it’s so frustrating.
I’m feeling rotten today too, I think I’ve got a cold coming on plus legs sore plus I’m having a really bad long period so feeling pretty rubbish.
🤣🤣🤣🤣At the fleece trousers, my mum has got some fleece leggings and fleece tights!
Erm what do you mean @nornironlady doesn’t mean ‘no ironing lady’? I’m very confused .
Thank you so much for your lovely kind words ❤️
Really hope you feel better soon , sending you a big hug xxxx

Hi @Munchyseeds2 , how are you today? Sorry it’s taken me an age to reply I haven’t been feeling great. How’s your day been?
I will definitely be seeking legal advice in January to try and see where I stand and to get something in place re my youngest education and having contact arrangements set in writing xx

Hi @BeNavyCrab , I’m so sorry to hear you havnt been feeling well. I really hope you’re feeling better today. Sending you a big big hug.
I was worried about social services getting involved to start with but now I’m glad they are. I’m worried my children will hate me for it but I hope one day they will see that I was just trying to do the best for them. I’m feeling petrified that youngest is going to stop going to school and under ‘traveller law’ there is not a thing I can do.
Exs mother always used to undermine my cancer diagnosis, she still is . She doesn’t think it’s real cancer. She used to say ‘surely you can’t be that poorly on it’. So it’s hard when I’m not well and my children are being told it’s nothing. I don’t want my children worrying but I also don’t want them to think I’m lucky that I got the ‘best’ cancer according to Exs mum.
I really hope today has been a better day for you . Sending you a huge hug and thinking of you xxx

Hi @RaspberryBeretxx , how are you today?
Im so pleased that your sons dad is ok, does he still have to have regular scans and check ups?
It was hard coming back to an empty home but at least I’ve been able to rest whenever I’ve needed and not had to cook a meal for 9 people day after my op like I did last time . Just sometimes it gets lonely.
My son at the moment thinks going to Liverpool is great, he can eat whatever he wants from the market for free , gets to stay up late and is surrounded by all grown up men so he’s loving it and he’s also getting paid so he’s thinking it’s brilliant .
And I know about the hypocrisy with what my ex is saying about football and friends and leaving his grandma incase something happens to her yet he’s doing all those things by taking him to Liverpool!
I have got notes and evidence gathered to be prepared for when I speak to a solicitor. My mental health team said they would help me too.
Im so proud of you for going for your smear , well done. I’m glad it went as good as a smear could. Sending you big hugs.
Also those muffins look Devine! I could just eat 2/3 of those with my cup of tea. Btw isn’t that a funny word ‘muffin’ 🤣🤣🤣🤣xx

Hi @Apolloneuro , how are you? I hope you e had a nice day and are feeling all fresh and chic now you’ve had your hair done xx

Oh bless your little cotton socks for thinking that an old, 60 year old, wannabe hag could be fresh and chic. I’m settling for all my own teeth and not weeing myself on the bus 😆😳

There’s been a terrible accident in my town, where a cyclist had gone under a car. Absolute mayhem on the roads. Feel so badly for the person and hope they’re ok.

Good evening Spoonies. I've been taking it easy but thank you for all your good wishes.
So @ChoccieCornflake and @Imbluedalale my username is a play on how we speak here in Northern Ireland. The accent and speed of speech means that it comes out sounding like Norn Iron! I'm not a big ironer either as it goes. I've enough clothes that I can get away with it once every few months 😂 my partner does it everyday. Life is too short!

Evening Spoonies, sorry to hear that so many of you are under the weather or recovering from one. I'm also taking vitamin d and k, as well as up to date on flu and COVID vaccines but it's been a bad year this year.

@Imbluedalale It's so annoying that they get to use the traveller law and school just has to go along with it. It's quite shocking to have to drop two school years to be able to return to education and certainly not what you want for you children. I can understand the lure of being treated like an adult and being "one of the men" that your youngest feels. He doesn't have the experience or maturity to know what he's missing out on or how it's affecting his possible future prospects.

Unfortunately I can't see a way forward that isn't going to be a fight. Your ex has basically made it impossible for you to see your children without meddling with your access, so you have no choice. Kids say things like they "won't forgive you if you do x", but they are believing in a fantasy where everyone gets along and is reasonable and it wouldn't be necessary. That's not what is happening. It's great news about being eligible for legal assistance and that your mental health team are behind you and on your side. I agree with everyone else, you can only improve the situation.

Evening Laura and other Spoonies, so many people are not well at the moment. @BeNavyCrab & @ChoccieCornflake and Laura hope you all feel better soon and also hope your legs pain reduces too and heals quickly Laura.
Sorry your MIL is still casing problems for you. She doesn’t want to visit because she cares, she just wants to continue her abuse of you. Do not let her in, your home is your safe place. She is vile for using your children against you and filling their heads with more lies.
Sending big hugs 🤗

Dropping in again to share hugs with everyone struggling. My health issues are taking up most of my mental bandwidth at the moment so I really feel for you all!

As for ex and MIL I have no words! DEFINITELY don’t let MIL in your home!

Sorry you are struggling with your health @TealPoet . Sending best wishes for a speedy recovery and a big hug too 🤗🌸