Need a hand hold part 4

[Imbluedalale]

Hi spoonies .
Welcome to season 4 xxx

😍😍 they’re so lovely! I was never a cat person till I got mine. Hope you’ve managed to stay resting on the sofa despite no cat pinning you down 😁.

My nanny and mum always had a cat. I had one as a child and seen it get run over one day. The guy got out of his car and lifted her by the scruff and left her on the pavement. My mum was out and I remember being in hysterics. I was never interested in having an animal after that but of course didn't realise the trauma 😂 My son wanted a dog but that work would just fall to me and I've enough responsibility thank you very much.

Hi spoonies, I hope your all having a nice weekend,
Im sorry I’m not replying to all your messages like I normally do I’m just having a very hard day and I’m missing my children more than ever.
I got my hopes up earlier when youngest rang to say he can come and see me but then he said ‘on one condition’ so I asked what that was and he said ‘grandma comes too’ I as kindly as I could said to him that that wasn’t possible because we don’t have a good relationship, I didn’t realise so he was there until she said to youngest so I could hear ‘just leave it with her she can’t be wanting to see you that bad if she won’t let me bring you’ so I wasn’t able to see him because it was that or nothing. Now I know I’m not going to see youngest until at least January because he’s back at Liverpool next week until late Xmas Eve then going again day after Boxing Day for a week to pack up.
Also my daughter said she’d come and see me today but I didn’t want to keep pressuring her so I haven’t mentioned it and she seems to have forgotten . I’m gonna be honest I feel really shit today and I feel like a really shit mum. I feel backed into a corner should I just let her bring my youngest list so I can see him and let her into my home? She won’t wait outside nor will she leave him and come back I know she won’t . I hate the thought of her being in my home bringing her bad energy but what choice do I have if I want to see my son?xx

I agree. You need to get advice from the professionals regarding if your ex mother turned up. A Ring doorbell system or even a peek hole, would be a good idea. 😘🌺

Huge hugs! This is awful for you but PLEASE don’t let them wear you down! They’re despicably using your son as a weapon and that’s on them - you are a GREAT mum!

I definitely don’t believe you should let that woman in your home and I’m disgusted that she’s manipulating you by making those comments. That’s text-book abuse. NONE of this is your fault!

I wish I had a solution for you, I really do. Could you tell him you don’t feel safe letting MIL in because of how ex has treated you, or does he not know enough for that? Could you arrange to meet them both in a cafe or restaurant so she’s not near your home and doesn’t have the incentive to stay around?

HUGE hugs! You deserve so much better than this and please please remember their abuse is not your fault!

Hi @Nottogetapenny , I do have a peephole on my door . Do ring doorbells have to be drilled in as I’m unable to drill any holes for 12 months?xx

I totally agree, with @TealPoet Wise words and so brilliantly put! I would text your son as just tell him you really want to see him and how much you love him. 😘🌺

Thank you @TealPoet , I hope you’re feeling better today?
The thing is I just don’t want to see her or have to speak to her at all and I know I’ll get upset and I don’t want her or ex ever seeing me let again. I wish I could put on a poker face and not let her get to me but she does and she’ll speak down to me and I wouldn’t be able to do or say anything because I don’t want youngest to see that. I really feel backed into a corner xx

I’ve just googled for an answer for no drill ring systems Do I need to drill holes for a Ring Doorbell
If you're a renter or simply don't want to drill holes in your home in order to mount your Ring Video Doorbell 3, 3 Plus, 4, Battery Video Doorbell Plus or Battery Video Doorbell Pro, the Ring No-Drill Mount is the answer.
Hope this helps. 😘🌺

Thank you @Nottogetapenny Im sorry I should have looked that up myself . I’ll have a look now xx

Firstly, you can choose a ring doorbell with no need to drill - that’s what we have.

Secondly, how horrible these people are! They are trying to make you feel this way so that you’ll break. But you won’t darling. They tried that already and failed didn’t they. They’re trying again. But doing the same thing and expecting a different result is madness, so they’re mad.

You, on the other hand, are strong. That they are trying to use your love of your child to hurt you is disgraceful. But there’s a quote somewhere that goes something like ‘you don’t have to defend the truth. The truth is strong. Let it free and it will defend itself’. Keep telling your child that you love him and are longing to see him. Tell him if you can that it’s not appropriate for you to see MIL because of the situation with ex. Keep stonewalling her and don’t let her wear your boundaries down.

I hate to say it but you might have to accept that due to THEM, not you, your child is going to feel hurt over this, but you are acting for his long-term good. You cannot protect him from ex, his family, and his community if you allow them to suck you back in. It’s like escaping from a sinking ship and getting in a lifeboat - you’d put all your effort into pulling people in the water onboard but you wouldn’t jump into the sea to push them in or you’d both drown.

Also, and other people might know more here, I made the mistake of putting my Ring type doorbell (cheapo version) on the door, whereas I think I should have put it on the wall or frame at the side. This is because when you open the door, the doorbell moves of course and you can just see my head, not the person at the door. You can hear everything though. Next time I will definitely put it to one side - and I probably won't buy the cheap version (although it has lasted a couple of years or more now.)

Sorry you are feeling so down today lovely. Stick firm to your boundaries Laura and let them see that using your son in this despicable way is not going to work. It is awful that they are using him as a pawn in all of this but by resisting, you are sending a very strong message that you will no longer bend to their will or allow them to overstep your boundaries and further abuse you. As your son get older and more independent he will begin making his own decisions.
You may not feel strong but we know you really are and this is the time to show your ex that strength. Sending a big cuddle 🤗🤗

I’m so sorry Laura. What an impossible situation, I’m so angry they’ve backed you into this corner and are also backing your son into the corner. Can you offer to pick him up on the bus? At least then he will see you are offering another option. Huge hugs and please don’t feel you have to reply individually at any time, we are supporting you and not expecting replies 💖💖.

Lovely, it doesn't matter if you do t reply.
We are all reading and wishing you strength to cope with the moves they are trying
No way should you be letting that woman or any other members of the family anywhere near you, but for now that means they have all the power....keep in contact with him as best you can
I'm assuming that your mum and dad only have contact with the kids via you?

Talk to the domestic abuse team this week, I'm sure they will be able to provide what you need re ring door bells/cameras etc

It will get better lovely, I promise xxx

@Imbluedalale I’m just glad their could be one to keep you safe. 🌺😘

I'm going to add to "No way José" camp, of don't let that horrible woman near you! She's only doing it to hurt you and doesn't give a fig that it's hurting your son too. Abusers thrive on power, so no matter how it hurts and I think it's exquisitely painful to be deprived of contact with your child, you can't give in. First it will be a visit, then it will be something else and before you know it, you'll be boxed in a corner doing things you never wanted to. Meeting at a mutually arranged public place would be a better bet. So there's other people around you, in case she gets physical with you. It doesn't have to cost, it could be a library or an art gallery or public park.

It's bound to be having a massive impact on you and it's very upsetting to hear someone say "well she obviously doesn't want to see you that much", when it's probably constantly the one thing you are longing for. It's easy for us Spoonies to say, but I truly believe that there's a future when you have all of your children with you and have limited contact with the ex family, if they are deemed suitable. I have a feeling that if they carry on with the things they are doing, they may end up with only having access via a contact centre, if at all. That's not your problem though, hang in there. There's going to be a much better tomorrow xxx

I finished off the diary I'm making for my husband for Christmas. This time I tried the acrylic paint pens directly on the cover. It was a bit tricky as it's a plasticky sort of surface and the dots went all blobby at first. It took a number of coats for the light colours to cover the black but I got there in the end. I wanted to seal them from being scratched off by coating with a varnish. Once again the cover surface was a bit of a problem and it wouldn't stay evenly brushed on. I kept going as it started to dry and managed a sort of even cover. It's a totally flat mat surface which I think looks ok. You can see the line where I masked off the design from the original shine of the cover, around the year markings. I think if I had to do it again I would try proper acrylic paint and maybe a spray varnish but hopefully it's going to last as long as the diary does.🤞 It's the thought that counts as they say.

I’m so proud of you Laura. How hard it was to stand your ground, but in my opinion you are absolutely right. The vile, disgusting woman has bullied you for the last time.

In the long run, this is what is best for your son. He might not realise it yet.

And you are being an excellent role model to your daughter.

Hi spoonies,
I firstly just want to say I do like always read all your lovely posts and I want to say thank you so much for your support. I’m so lucky to have you all in my life . Thank you for all being a shoulder for me to lean on especially for days like today. I have a deep fear of upsetting my mum to the point it has given me really bad anxiety again as I don’t want anyone to fall out with me so I’m so so grateful to have you all here for me.
I stick to my guns and wouldn’t let exs mum fetch my youngest , it hurts like hell but I’m not going to let her bribe me or use my children for that purpose. I explained to my son that she wasn’t welcome here and that I’m not a nasty vindictive person but I have to stand up for myself because I’m feeling stronger now. I told my son I wanted to see him more than anything in the world and that I think about him every minute of every day and I suggested after Christmas that I could meet him and we could go out for tea.
I went into his bedroom earlier I don’t now why but I just sat down in there and sobbed.
My daughter was messaging me earlier and I mentioned her saying she said she was going to come and see me and she said she was tired to layed in and then the day just went. I know she’s tired as she’s working a lot at the moment. I just feel like I’m nagging at her all the time to see me.
I’ve texted my eldest to tell him I miss him and love him. So that’s where I’m at.
Im trying to stay strong and I’m not going to let ex or his mother ruin any progress I’ve made in the last few weeks .
You’re going to be happy said life . But first I’m going to make you strong .
Read that today and liked it xx

That diary is beautiful @BeNavyCrab . Your husband is one lucky man xxx

You’re doing amazingly Laura. I know you desperately want to see your son but if you let ex mil in now, your boundaries will be constantly eroded as they will know they can. Thats good you texted him and your other two. All you can do is explain your point of view and let them know they’re loved. They will always be your babies, nobody else grew them and cared for them like you did. They will come back to you. You’re setting such a good example to them now in how to live your life and set boundaries. They will see it’s possible to be strong even if they aren’t showing that they see that now. Thinking of you and sending lots of love xx

Your decorated diary is so beautiful @BeNavyCrab . I love the pattern.

Bloody hell people. The pink trousers have just made an unannounced appearance on the strictly final 😳 I did not know where to look.

Ha ha ha I have just seen the pink trousers too 🫣🫣🫣

Thank you @RaspberryBeretxx , whilst I’m sad I didn’t get to see my youngest I also feel proud of myself for sticking to my guns and finally saying ‘no’ to her . I know she’ll be seething and that does give me a little satisfaction.
How has your weekend been @RaspberryBeretxx ?xx