Need a hand hold part 4

[Imbluedalale]

Hi spoonies .
Welcome to season 4 xxx

Hi Laura and Spoonies, I’m so sorry, some of you are feeling poorly. It’s awful all these bugs going around. 🤞I’m ok, just been busy, tidying, cleaning etc! And babysitting, my little grandchildren. They all run my husband and I ragged. But we wouldn’t have it any other way. We love them all to bits, They all bring their own little sparkle.

Your are so right Laura, not letting that evil woman into your home!
You really do need to think of yourself and not putting everyone else first. Take this time to fully recover from all you have been through. Then you will be stronger to fight.

Hope you all feel so much better, tomorrow and the next few days.
Take Care and isn’t it lovely, how friendly and helpful all you spoonies are.. 😘🌺🥄

I’m going to tell you off now @Apolloneuro , you shouldn’t ever put yourself down. Have you ever watched ‘confessions of a shopaholic’? There’s the main character in there and she’s known as ‘the girl in the green scarf’ well I always think of you now as ‘the girl in the green coat’ .
If it makes you feel any better I did pee myself in a&e one time this year! That was a low moment.
So sorry to hear about the accident in your town, really hope the cyclist is ok. So sad 😞 xx

Fingers crossed you feel a whole heap better in morning @nornironlady , I’ve just woke up to dose myself up yesterday was just a write off.
Well I think you need to do a voice note for your username!😂
I hate ironing too in my 30’s I used to get the ironing board out for 4 hours every Sunday and put a timer on my phone for 4 hours . I couldn’t do that now! I’ve got about as much energy to breathe and blink and that’s about it these days xx

Hi @BeNavyCrab , how are you? I hope you’ve been able to rest and are feeling better than the other day.
I’ve just woken up to dose myself up and can’t get back to sleep so I’m having a hot lemon and honey drink. I too take vitamin d every day and calcium.
Re my children they are all so clever and I know they have so much potential and I firmly believe that having an education is so important. It’s just frustrating when I seem to be the only one advocating for them and nobody seems to want to get involved when it comes to ‘traveller law’.
I am trying to gather as much evidence of everything as possible so that I will be prepared when I get legal advice. I think I may have to get extra security around my home before I do that so I need to speak to my domestic abuse case worker.
I hope you have a lovely weekend @BeNavyCrab . Sending big hugs xxxx

Hi @AdmittowearingCrocs , I hope you’re ok. Have you any plans for the weekend?
She definitely doesn’t want to visit because she cares, she wants to come in to be nosy and see what it’s like and what I’ve got so she can report back. She’s not welcome in my safe space nor will she ever be . I know that will make her mad though as she’s not use to anybody standing up to her and she’s definitely not used to me standing up to her. She’ll cause uproar but I’m going to stand my ground.
I hope you have a nice weekend and I look forward to hearing about your plans or what you do.
Im just going to have a bath and put a few drops of vinegar in to help clear my sinuses xx

Hi @TealPoet , So sorry that you’re struggling with your health struggles. Sending big big hugs to you. Is there anything I can do for you?
Just try and get plenty of rest and keep yourself hydrated. I know it’s easier said than done but just try and listen to what your body needs. I’m thinking of you xxxx

Hi @Nottogetapenny , I’m glad you’re ok. I’m glad you’ve been having a lovely time with your grandchildren. How many do you have?
I’m definitely not going to be letting her or any of his family into my home or have any of their negative energy towards me in my sanctuary. I just worry if she turns up unannounced with any of my children as I don’t want there to be a scene. What would you recommend if that happens? Because if my children were there she’d act all upset and probably cry like she has done before to get me into trouble .
I really do love our spoonies group and how we have all come together (does anyone else when they type ‘spoonies’ it autocorrects to ‘ponies’?).
There is goodness in the world still and you’re all amazing . And we’ve got each other to get through the tough times . My mental health team wanted to see my spoon in its drawer when they came the other day. They think it’s lovely how we’ve all met each other in the most strangest circumstances. They say everything happens for a reason so maybe we was just all meant to meet and become the spoonies xxx

I am feeling a bit better thanks. I'm awake for painkillers and waiting for them to kick in before I can get back to sleep. I know it's so frustrating about the traveller law, everyone is so frightened of being found to be discriminating. Which in principle I support because you don't want any child not to get the support they need to be educated. However he's using it in the way it wasn't intended for, to actually abuse them. I'm furious about it on your behalf.

I also echo the never let the Mum in law near your home. We had some problems with the MIL in the past and at the start I gave her the benefit of the doubt and didn't want to cause more drama for my husband's sake. She took advantage and actually stole things out of the house, behind both of our backs. Intentionally and by asking for something else, to enable the deed while my husband was distracted. That was awful but it was equally as awful for the feeling of being snooped on and the judgemental (incorrect) comments that she then spread around the rest of the family. In the end my husband stopped her visiting and it's been so much better since. There's something really important in having a place where you feel safe both physically and mentally. Especially with the extreme things you have had to endure. Can you afford to get security cameras, so you know who is outside without opening the door? Can the police help you with them, if it's too expensive for you. I thought I have seen someone on TV who was abused and they put up cameras for her because she was vulnerable.

I really sympathise with you. Health problems can be all consuming and take everything out of you. Hopefully there's someone in your life to lean on, even if it's just to "stand in the trenches with you". Sending you strength and love and a massive hug x

Awww, I hope once they kick in you can have a nice rest. Thinking of you @BeNavyCrab and seeing you a big hug.
I’m so sorry to hear about your MIL, that’s awful that she stole from you! I’m so pleased to hear that your husband was on your side and supported you though. Did you manage to get what she stole back?
I used to always have money going missing to the point where I’d hide it in the most ridiculous places, also exs mum used to always borrow money off me or if we went out she’d ‘conveniently’ forget her money . And I’d never get it back. When I worked at the bank I used to get a bonus every year and had to share it with my ex and if I ever did any overtime I had to share that too but funnily enough it didn’t work both ways. On the very rare occasions we went out for dinner I used to have to pass him my bank card discreetly under the table so it looked like he was paying 😂
One Christmas I’d bought some lovely tights from M&S and Exs mum liked them so I ordered her a pair but the first time she wore hers she put a big hole in the leg. Next time I went to put my tights on there was a big hole in the leg and the exact same day exs mother had hers on but there was no longer a hole. She’d swapped the tights but when I queried it she got upset so I got a punch in the ear and called a crazy joskin slag so I didn’t mention it again xx

Also my case worker at domestic abuse may be able to get me more security I will find out next week xx

Also it was ex that punched me in ear for upsetting his mum she didn’t punch me xx

It took awhile before my husband actually decided enough was enough. It started with snooping but nothing important. Then moved on to looking for things like bank statements and reading them. The first few things she took were minor so he didn't want to "upset her". When finally confronted she said she was borrowing them but they never got returned. It was only when he realised that she'd actively misdirected him, to actually steal that he had had enough.We never got anything back but decided that it was more important to stop any repeat offending and maintain a distant relationship, so it didn't blow up the rest of the family relationships as well.

I found it really difficult because I didn't want to be the cause of him being alienated and knew she'd eventually hang herself if given enough rope to do so, but found it incredibly hard to allow it to happen. I'm not someone who forgives a betrayal easily, and especially when it's family who does it, it hurts.

What a horrible woman she is, stealing your tights and then telling her son, who I'm certain she knew would hit you. 😭

Good morning Spoonies! I am up having honey and lemon myself. I haven't really had much tea this week as the thought of the milk doesn't appeal at all.
As always @Imbluedalale you humble me in the strength you possess to overcome the most horrific living circumstances. I'm sure there's help via police for threat of DV and your support team will know all about it. There's no reason for those people to be at your home or near it without your permission. You are in charge! I understand it's a worry though.
I can't believe everyone is ill this week. Sending you all my very best wishes ❤️

Morning!

Thank you for caring enough to tell me off, @Imbluedalale. I do put myself down a bit.

Nice to hear from you @TealPoet and sorry you’re being burdened. I hope your day is as good as possible.

There’s a few of us with chronic health issues isn’t there. I’m tired but have to push through today. Work this morning, panto with 4 year old this afternoon, then a visitor for strictly final tonight.

Tomorrow I plan a day on the sofa.

I want your vile ex to get scabies, rabies and his teeth fall out. Bastard.

Gosh @BeNavyCrab , why would she feel the need to look at your bank statements? I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. Some people just don’t have any morals. I’m sorry for you but also your husband , that must have been a shock for him. I’m glad he put his foot down and realised what she was doing. It must have been really hard for you too. I understand what you been about family betraying you , my mum says to me to wait until my brother and sister who are not speaking to me to come round once they realise I’m getting better mentally but although I wouldn’t ever say this to them aloud I think they can bugger off now because if they didn’t want to know me whilst I’m poorly they don’t deserve to know me when I’m better. I keep reading this quote and going back to it …

My life got better when I realised I didn’t have to be nice
Nice got me used, stressed out and disrespected
I’m not nice, I’m a good person, there’s a difference xx

Morning @nornironlady , I’m glad you’re starting to feel a little better. So many people are poorly right now . Sending big hugs to everyone 🥩
Im still finding it hard to separate the normal and not normal of how I lived and what I experienced when I was with ex. A lot of it has been me mentioning it and people saying to me ‘Laura that’s not normal behaviour’ and also when you’ve spent so long believing it’s you that’s the problem it’s hard to change that mindset. I’m learning to say ‘no’ so that’s a start. I keep my doors and gate locked at all times so nobody can just walk in but I think I may have abit of ocd as I have to check several times and keep going back to check. I’ll feel better once I get more security.
I hope you have a lovely day and sending big hugs xxx

Erm I’m not sure why there’s a steak on there it was meant to be a heart xx

Good morning lady in the green coat. How are you today?
Just always remember that no one is you and that’s your superpower! 🦸‍♀️
Sorry to hear your tired , I hope you manage to rest after a full on day. What are you going to see at panto?
Oh I’d love all of those on my ex plus piles and threadworms and that his next shit is a hedgehog xx

I'll take a whack of steak if that's what's going @Imbluedalale 😂 I did wonder!
Everything you are going through is totally normal even if you aren't sure yourself. You've got lots of wise spoons on here to guide you. Saying no is a good place to start. It's liberating I've found as I get older!

That steak emoji has made me laugh out loud! I’m a vegetarian as well.

🤣🤣 at the steak emoji!

Really hope you can get some extra security @Imbluedalale , that sounds a really good plan. Definitely don’t let your ex MIL into your house. That’s horrifying with her taking money and swapping the tights and your ex punching you, she sounds just as abusive as her vile son 😞. If she turns up with the DC can you just be cold but calm, maybe start your phone recording quietly as well? Hopefully in time you’ll have a ring doorbell or similar that will record everything. And don’t let her in. You could also see if you can talk to your mental health team or domestic abuse support to see what advice they have.

I like the book “when I say no I feel guilty” which has some good methods for speaking assertively eg broken record: “thank you for bringing the children, you can’t come inside” and keep saying it in response to anything she says. There’s a few other methods too and lots of examples so it’s easy to follow.

it’s so awful that they’re using traveller law to abuse your children and you further. I hope that SS and the court will see through them. surely the fact that you as parents never used traveller law before will help. Big hugs.

Thinking of you @TealPoet and sending a gentle hug, hope you feel better soon.

Enjoy the panto @Apolloneuro. that sounds a lovely but busy day!

@Nottogetapenny i love your description of your grandchildren, that’s so beautiful that they all bring their own sparkle 💖. Hope they don’t run you too ragged 🤪.

@BeNavyCrab hope you’re ok and the painkillers kicked in and you got some extra sleep. What’s next on the crafting projects?

👋 to all the other Spoonies, hope everyone has a lovely day xx

I'm sitting in my pjs pinned to the sofa by the cat while dd chatters away! Must get up as I have so much to do 🤦🏻‍♀️🤪 . Hoping to fit in a visit to DS’s school Christmas fayre later as they have Father Christmas there.

Ah @RaspberryBeretxx I was literally in the same position as you till the cat half slid off me for a better stretch out 😂 My wee legs just aren't big enough!

Hi Laura, I have 7 wonderful grandchildren, 4 boys and 3 girls! My eldest daughter has 3 children, they live a 3 hour drive from us, but we see them every other weekend and spend some time over holidays with them. My son is about a hour away, we see them quite often he has 2 children and my other daughter lives local and has 2 children.

My daughter has just rung me to say, her eldest daughter had been sick, at bedtime last night. So my daughter and son in law were busy cleaning up the sick. Her little sister who is 3, announced to her mummy and daddy ‘Well you two are too busy, too take me to bed! I’ll do it myself!

I been trying to think of how best you could handle the situation if that evil woman turned up. My first thought was keep her at the door, and calmly tell her why she not welcome! If it’s your daughter with her, she is old enough to understand, that things were so bad, that’s why you ended up homeless.
It is so difficult, but if you let her in with any of your children, it would be a win for her and you definitely don’t want that!

There is goodness in the world, and some really lovely people.
Spoonies unite. 😘🥄🥄🥄🌺

Oh I’d love all of those on my ex plus piles and threadworms and that his next shit is a hedgehog xx

And don't forget being bashed with enormous spoons by a gang of very very cross Spoonies! 😁

I have been trying to think of things you could say if she turned up with the children. I think you should take advice from your social worker about this. The thing is you want the children to come in, but not her, but goodness knows what she's told them, so they might refuse or get upset.

I agree with @RaspberryBeretxx saying thanks for bringing the children but you can't come inside, and other people might have better ideas. I thought maybe you could say that you have been advised not to allow her in by your social worker - or someone like that - and that you have been advised not to allow yourself to be emotionally abused by others in these ways. What do you think? What about - "children I love you very very much and I really want to have you here, but I cannot have your grandmother in the house, I'm sorry." Would you be able to get them back to their father's house if she left them?

It's such a knotty problem which is why I think you should discuss it with the professionals supporting you. Also you know these people (and your children) best, and you will have the most accurate idea about how they are going to react and behave.

Cameras and ring doorbell are a must - if she is on camera she can't gaslight you afterwards.