To think life would be much easier if my family could help?

[wishihadfamilytohelp]

I know I probably am BU, as I’m sure it is not all roses but …

I have friends with similarly aged children who have parents who have the children overnight: they get to sleep through and get a lie in the next day.

They will take a child or even both if parents are under the weather or very busy.

They will have them even for a weekend or longer

i don’t think I would take the piss or anything … but it would make the world of difference I feel and I am very wistful! My parents have died so obviously can’t help! Or AIBU?

I have to say, I quite understand why, after a couple of hours on Mumsnet, grandparents are cautious about offering help......

I’m not suggesting it’s the ideal situation.

but I didn’t sit there complaining. I worked on building “my village” before and during pregnancy so that I had local support afterwards. (DH’s family over 250 miles away and my own 6000 miles away.)

@GivingitToGod Same here! For what it's worth, we see my Mum 3-4 times a week and she loves her grandchildren (as they do her) and she's great with them when we're all together. It's just when she's looked after them in our absence that things can go downhill. We love her all the same though!

My PIL on the other hand...🤦🏼‍♀️

@Wexone Correct! Childcare for two in our area would be unaffordable, there's a shortage of places and neither of us have any other family close by to help out, so our options are limited! And sticking her in the garden for 5 hours is out of the question too!

Amazed your employer is happy with that.

A toddler died during lockdown because their parent was working and looking after them (or not) at the same time.

We lived hundreds of miles from all grandparents, all divorced as well. My parents were mid seventies by the time DS was born. MIL did have the children on two weekends so we could go away but that was it over their entire childhoods. She was early sixties by the time DS was born but was still teaching till she was 75, adult education.

We have retired early in our fifties and will assist with childcare if requested. DS and his GF are only early twenties but have expressed they want children late twenties.

@ThatIsNotMyNameSoWhyAreYouCallingMeThat My employer is fully aware and is happy with the situation because I get my work done and complete it to a high standard (I've just been signed off my six month probation and received a decent pay rise). Notice that my previous message stated that I work for five hours, so not full-time.

As for my toddler, she's very happy and settled (and perfectly safe - my house is childproof!). It was a common situation during lockdown, and most families had to cope with multiple children at home, so I'm sure mine is fine!

sorry that's not right- childcare costs are high for everyone. that's a factor every knows about when they have children. You should not be working from home while minding children There is a huge pull back on WFH by companies and this is one of the reasons why
Everyone else has to find childcare

YANBU. My parents did all my childcare despite being in their late 70s and early 70’s. It made such a difference.

@Wexone Firstly, you know nothing about my personal circumstances or work situation, so you have no place to tell me what I 'should or shouldn't' be doing. I do not work for a company, rather I'm the sole employee of a local organisation, who are fully aware and supportive of my circumstances.

Secondly, if 'everyone' else uses childcare, then why do you subsequently claim that companies are now revoking their WFH arrangements? I have friends and relatives who are employed in different industries and all regularly WFH (including some young children at home). AFAIK their employers are aware of their circumstances and have no issues. So long as the work is done, domestic arrangements are no one else's business.

You complained on a public forum that a grandparent can not mind your child so you have to mind her while you WFH so must be affecting you in some way or else you wouldn't be complaining about it. If it wasn't affecting you while you work then you wouldn't be complaining about grandparent not minding you child then

You can't possibly work effectively and care for small children adequately at the same time. Work or DC will suffer. Probably both. How will you manage with another one?

Probation is a red herring. You can be sacked for any reason* (or none) within the first 24 months of employment.

An organisation with 1 employee working 5 hours a day doesn’t sound that secure. 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's hard OP, I'm in the same position as both my parents died young. It's a whole different experience of parenthood and I wanted to say that I understand.

You are absolutely right!

You know your situation and what you can and can’t handle.

Why posters think they are entitled to such info and can tell you what you can and can’t do and think they know more about your work arrangements than you do is beyond me.

I’m a HR professional who knows enough about H+S law to know it’s a bad idea for the employer to allow this.

three Sets of grandparents here

eldest is 5

never ever had them overnight

I wish

And we're all very impressed with you, but I don't think @Tired887 really needed to hear about how you had it so much worse than her.

I feel you. I felt exactly like this. No useful advice, unfortunately, just solidarity x

Mine had one sleepover in 13 years aged about seven, and no one ever ever took them just because. I put them in nursery from a very young age, simply to get a break.
I spent loads of time with GP growing up and now I suspect it's because my DM in particular didn't enjoy the company of children.

YANBU. I am lucky that my MIL in particular is great for looking after my DS every now and again for weekends which I am so grateful for. She's also willing to help out with nursery runs and does some school holidays. My mum was fab when DS was a baby but has completely dropped off the radar from him being around 3, even to visit so I totally get when people say it's worse when the help is taken away but that is for another thread! I'm actually pleased in hindsight as she is incredibly controlling and has full scale anxiety although I am a little sad that DS doesnt have that relationship anymore with her as they were so close when he was younger

@ThatIsNotMyNameSoWhyAreYouCallingMeThat this post is literally musing about the ideal situation. Of course you found ways to cope. Most of us do, there's nothing special about how you do things. Doesn't mean we can't also wish things were easier sometimes. And wishing that we had healthy, young, willing grandparents to help us with our young children isn't some new stupid crazy idea.

Not possible to work and care for your children at the same time!

YANBU. I have no support and my husband works away for long periods of time. I adore my DC, but am jealous of people who get family support. I am a shell of the person I used to be.

Thing is, raising kids is hard, no one ever pretended it wasn't. I think if both parents are fit and well and the children are also well and NT, it's a bit off to complain about your life being so hard when having children is a choice. Of course we all have a whinge and a gripe but having a chip on your shoulder about how hard your life is, in the aforementioned circumstances, when it's down to choices you made (having kids) is playing the pity card needlessly.