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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have walked out of my work Christmas party in favour of dining alone

419 replies

Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 19:52

New employer..I don't know many people as yet. Works Christmas party on Oxford st. No real entertainment, no food (yet!) and dull dull small talk, which, to be honest, was never my strong suit. God it bored the absolute tits off me. So I've walked out at 7.30pm in favour of dinner alone in a nice Turkish restaurant. Sod wasting a child free night on that rubbish! Life's too bloody short! Should I have stayed to show willing, AIBU for leaving...or would you do the same? Yes I've seen the mistake in the title and no I can't change it.

OP posts:
IdylicDay · 04/12/2024 20:52

I voted YANBU, as an introvert I 'get it'. It sounds like something where I'd rather be anywhere, even at the dentist. You showed up, you made an appearance. That's what counts. They probably lose count of whose there anyway, and maybe they thought you entered another room to talk to someone else, or something. I wouldn't overthink it. And if they do judge you? Fuck 'em! They're not worth it. If they can't even make the most basic effort to provide food, even some crisps or nibblies, barely any music, nothing except a few drinks and fuck all - then what can they expect? If this is their 'attempt' at a Christmas do (my cat could do a better job, by the sound of things), then I wouldn't bother going to any others either, to be honest.

autumngirl714 · 04/12/2024 20:52

Calmhappyandhealthy · 04/12/2024 20:06

You seem proud of your rudeness

Not really sure why

Came here to say this.

Sounds like you did them a favour OP 👍🏼

writingsonthewall · 04/12/2024 20:54

If it were my company nobody would really notice/care if it was a 50+ people occasion and there was no sit down meal.

If I were your manager and I noticed I probably would think you were a bit antisocial but I wouldn't be bothered.

On balance I don't think it would have killed you to make a little bit more effort to network and build relationships but if you don't care then....

Spagettifunctional · 04/12/2024 20:54

I’m not going to mine at all land I’m fairly new.
What Turkish delights did you get?

writingsonthewall · 04/12/2024 20:54

And by "my company" I mean the one I work at, not the one I own!!

AhBiscuits · 04/12/2024 20:55

Just sneaking off is incredibly rude. In a new job I'd grin and bear it and make my excuses not to attend next time. Stropping off because you're bored is something my 7 year old would do.

CordeliaNaismithVorkosigan · 04/12/2024 20:55

Some of these replies are very odd. I agree it would be rude to walk out of a dinner the employer had paid for, but in every organisation I’ve worked in Christmas drinks are very free and easy - people come early, have one and go, come late because they had work to finish,or there’s usually a hard core who stick out the whole thing. I manage people so I tend to go early, make sure I chat to everyone briefly, buy some drinks and then fade out as they’ll have more fun if I’m not there. I wouldn’t think twice about someone leaving at 7.30. Who are these people who would and why do they care?

NImumconfused · 04/12/2024 20:57

MiriamCavendale · 04/12/2024 20:36

If I even noticed a colleague had left a party early, I wouldn’t think they were rude. I certainly wouldn’t make any negative judgement regarding their fit for the team. You showed your face, decided it wasn’t for you and chose to do something you’d prefer. Good for you. The older I get, the more I realise the secret to happiness is simply doing more things that make you happy. As long as you’re not hurting anyone (which you didn’t in this scenario) then I say great.

Totally agree. No-one in our organisation would be the least bit bothered by this, you showed your face, if it wasn't your sort of a do why should you stay? Sure we've little enough free time, why would you want to waste it being bored in a noisy bar? As for unprofessional behaviour, it's much more likely that will be coming from some of the ones that stayed and got drunk.

NotYourSaviour · 04/12/2024 20:57

I hate Christmas parties quite vigorously, but I'm a director so I had to show up to ours. It's once a year, so I slapped on some make-up and sucked it up because I'm fond of our team and they've worked really hard.

If you were an employee and deemed it too boring for you to stay, even though we'd made a huge effort to give the team a good night out on us, I wouldn't judge you in the moment - to each their own and many people don't enjoy socialising (I don't really). But it would have been better to say you couldn't make it at all, than arrive, turn your nose up and leave. I doubt senior management will have noticed but the people who have to work alongside you might have.

Still who cares, it's just a job.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 04/12/2024 20:59

You showed your face, you left. I’m sure it’s fine. Enjoy your free time 👌

Jennyoi · 04/12/2024 21:00

no-one died, it's fine, but you'll get called pol pot on here if you don't climb the greasy pole smiling like you are simultaneously shitting yourself and shooting rainbows out your arse. Yes I hate this pollocks too can you tell.

wotnofriends · 04/12/2024 21:00

AngelinaFibres · 04/12/2024 20:26

Because Op is far too fabulous to spend time with such a dull bunch.Im sure they will all try to be more like Op.Or ,more likely, they'll just think you are
Odd.
On the spectrum.
Incredibly rude.
Totally socially awkward.
It's unlikely to do you any favours in 2025 Op.

Show quote history

Oh wow, this is really a new low for mumsnet - you’re using ‘on the spectrum’ as an insult? What a nasty piece of work you are. I bet you’re lovely to work with.

Anotherparkingthread · 04/12/2024 21:00

I'd have way more respect for somebody who left. Especially when it turned out to be especially shit. Everybody will be thinking it. You're just the only person brave enough to do it. Franky, nobody will be snubbing you, judging you or overlooking you for promotions because by the end of the night somebody will have done something much much much worse that everybody will be talking about for the next year.

Enjoy your child free evening lol

BigDahliaFan · 04/12/2024 21:02

In those circumstances fine really.

Original poster
Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 21:02

JWhipple · 04/12/2024 20:48

Genuinely confused
Where did OP say she arrived and immediately left? Did she announce "I HATE SMALL TALK. IM HUNGRY" in a quiet moment before flouncing off, blowing raspberries and flicking the Vs at everyone?
No.

OP stayed long enough to establish their wasn't much going on, had enough small talk to establish that's all there was, and decided to do something else whilst she had a rare child free night

I really don't get how it's somehow the end of the world "marked card" indeed.

I didn't go out once with my old work mates when I worked with them. It was as I lived a lot further than everyone else and was generally knackered at the weekends/evenings.and nobody "marked my card" in almost 7 years. In fact I've never worked anywhere where it would be a massive issue.

Now I do go on their work dos and I'm thrilled to be able to as they're great company, it just wasn't manageable for me before.

Yes i must have been there a good hour and a half, I didn't walk straight it and straight out the side door. Flicking the Vs and flouncing.. I love it..OMG...imagine if I had done that it would have actually given them something to talk about 🤣 I'm sure it probably did live up later or perhaps about now, when people had more to drink. Meanwhile I enjoy a sick free earlier train home and no sore head after having actual nice food I got to choose (and pay for myself!).

OP posts:
StampOnTheGround · 04/12/2024 21:03

I agree with others, it was rude OP - you should have not attended at all, but walking out is really not great at all.

user2848502016 · 04/12/2024 21:03

If anyone asks tomorrow you could always say you had a bad headache and decided to make a quiet exit

SwanRivers · 04/12/2024 21:04

You walked out to post repeatedly on Mumsnet from a Turkish restaurant?

You might as well have got a takeaway at home.

LostittoBostik · 04/12/2024 21:04

I applaud this.

And I'm also going to guess you're 40+.

LostittoBostik · 04/12/2024 21:05

HeddaGarbled · 04/12/2024 19:57

That’s really rude and will have marked your card in your new job.

Don’t go, fine. Go and stick it out, but learn your lesson and don’t go next year, also fine.

Go but walk out because they’re not good enough for you, offensive.

Nobody ever notices this shit. Don't waste your life worrying about trivia.

HonoraBridge · 04/12/2024 21:06

ThatGladTiger · 04/12/2024 20:02

OP how old are you? Just seems a bit childish and immature to sneak out at the start of something! We’ve all snuck out early from an event…. But not at the very start.

I would have thought you’d want to make a good impression being new. No worries with leaving, you are entitled to do that, but you should have just got up and said “thanks guys, see you later!”

I was just about to post a comment saying that it sounds as if the OP has a lot of growing up to do.

Jennyoi · 04/12/2024 21:08

If you left after 5 mins, yes rude, but you stayed over an hour.

Rosesanddaffs · 04/12/2024 21:08

@Namechangey23 I’m with you, I would have walked out too. It’s your evening, your time and it’s up to you how you wish to spend it.

Jennyoi · 04/12/2024 21:09

SwanRivers · 04/12/2024 21:04

You walked out to post repeatedly on Mumsnet from a Turkish restaurant?

You might as well have got a takeaway at home.

It's quite nice eating alone with a phone. I've done it.

BlackberrySky · 04/12/2024 21:09

I guess it depends how important getting on with your colleagues is in your new job. Sounds like you didn't make much effort though, and I wouldn't blame people for thinking you hard work and rude.

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