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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have walked out of my work Christmas party in favour of dining alone

419 replies

Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 19:52

New employer..I don't know many people as yet. Works Christmas party on Oxford st. No real entertainment, no food (yet!) and dull dull small talk, which, to be honest, was never my strong suit. God it bored the absolute tits off me. So I've walked out at 7.30pm in favour of dinner alone in a nice Turkish restaurant. Sod wasting a child free night on that rubbish! Life's too bloody short! Should I have stayed to show willing, AIBU for leaving...or would you do the same? Yes I've seen the mistake in the title and no I can't change it.

OP posts:
Bowies · 04/12/2024 20:33

I don’t blame you, life is too short, you showed your face and then needed dinner!

PeakSheep · 04/12/2024 20:34

Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 20:25

I did do that for a while. But I work work these people already know them pretty well. I just got so bored. Definitely not an exciting person haha otherwise I'd have been the life and soul wouldn't I and I wouldn't be on here?!

Show quote history

New employer..I don't know many people as yet

Then why did you say this in your OP?

Anewfigtree · 04/12/2024 20:34

Team French exit here! After an hour in a noisy bar, I'm done. Will anyone even notice? Enjoy your dinner!

SALaw · 04/12/2024 20:35

Surely you can put up with a few hours of boring small talk to make a good impression early on in your job? Or is it not a job you particularly care about?

Londoneye20 · 04/12/2024 20:35

One minute it's "sparse and not got going", next minute" it's all loud music and people sloshing drinks🤔"

Zone2NorthLondon · 04/12/2024 20:35

I don’t know what a French exit is,presumably an Irish goodbye. Depart quietly,stealthily tell no one

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 04/12/2024 20:36

Meh, it's a bit rude but I'd be more concerned you told no one you were leaving. Your colleagues might be worried about where you got to? Would it really have been so hard to tap someone on the shoulder and say you've had fun but need to go and you'll see them tomorrow?

I'm not a fan of work get togethers as they're not my friends as such, but I go along because I want to feel part of the team.

StormingNorman · 04/12/2024 20:36

Hilariously rude and socially awkward.

This is not the “I am woman, hear me roar” moment you think it is.

Icanttakethisanymore · 04/12/2024 20:36

I think it’s fine to make an appearance and leave early if it’s drinks in a bar. If there was going to be a sit down dinner that you had a place for, I would have probably made an excuse before bailing.

MiriamCavendale · 04/12/2024 20:36

If I even noticed a colleague had left a party early, I wouldn’t think they were rude. I certainly wouldn’t make any negative judgement regarding their fit for the team. You showed your face, decided it wasn’t for you and chose to do something you’d prefer. Good for you. The older I get, the more I realise the secret to happiness is simply doing more things that make you happy. As long as you’re not hurting anyone (which you didn’t in this scenario) then I say great.

snowdropsy · 04/12/2024 20:38

My initial response was that this was terrible behaviour. But I was imagining my own Christmas do, which is a sit-down meal for 20-30 people in a private area of a restaurant.

Yours sounds very different, 50 people gathering and mingling in a noisy public bar before (presumably?) moving on elsewhere for food or a buffet of some sort is a bit different.

I don’t think it was great behaviour, but not terrible either.

Apolloneuro · 04/12/2024 20:41

Should have told someone you were leaving. People might spend time looking for you, to make sure you’re ok.

ChaosHol1 · 04/12/2024 20:41

If there was 50 people just milling round a bar and you snuck away, no one will even have noticed probably. I wouldn't even mention it. If anyone brings it up say you had a headache and decided to just head away as the music wasn't helping. Then don't go to any other christmas parties. There's people in our department who just say no, no one else cares.

hotpotlover · 04/12/2024 20:41

I think you did great

It's my work Christmas party on Friday and I won't even turn up 😁

Tink3rbell30 · 04/12/2024 20:42

Very rude not to say you were leaving.

MillyVannily · 04/12/2024 20:43

Good for you. This is what I would have done. Also, probably noone noticed you weren't there if you were 50 plus people. Also, the people who noticed probably were jealous they didn't leave as well. Sounds like a very boring party.

TiredCatLady · 04/12/2024 20:44

No food by half seven is a bit… are they the sort of company that just wants everyone pissed?

I don’t blame you for ducking out for dinner instead.

Debating not going to mine - it’s an hour away and they’re only doing “finger food/taster bowls” again. Which means half of it will be stuff you wouldn’t want to eat and there’s not enough of the other half. Last year had nowhere to sit either so you were stood up balancing a drink and trying to scoop stuff out of a tiny bowl. Don’t think there is any entertainment either.

Allfur · 04/12/2024 20:45

Alot of friendships and relationships start with some degree of small talk, conversations have to start somewhere

crumpet · 04/12/2024 20:46

If it’s drinks in a bar with casual food (beige buffet etc) then it was fine to show your face and then clear off. If it was a formal sit down three course meal where an empty place would be obvious then a bit tricker, and probably would need a mention of feeling poorly when you see everyone tomorrow.

JWhipple · 04/12/2024 20:48

Genuinely confused
Where did OP say she arrived and immediately left? Did she announce "I HATE SMALL TALK. IM HUNGRY" in a quiet moment before flouncing off, blowing raspberries and flicking the Vs at everyone?
No.

OP stayed long enough to establish their wasn't much going on, had enough small talk to establish that's all there was, and decided to do something else whilst she had a rare child free night

I really don't get how it's somehow the end of the world "marked card" indeed.

I didn't go out once with my old work mates when I worked with them. It was as I lived a lot further than everyone else and was generally knackered at the weekends/evenings.and nobody "marked my card" in almost 7 years. In fact I've never worked anywhere where it would be a massive issue.

Now I do go on their work dos and I'm thrilled to be able to as they're great company, it just wasn't manageable for me before.

Schleep · 04/12/2024 20:48

Calmhappyandhealthy · 04/12/2024 20:06

You seem proud of your rudeness

Not really sure why

This

Original poster
Namechangey23 · 04/12/2024 20:49

LlynTegid · 04/12/2024 20:29

I think you should have told someone, even if you had made up a reason. Texted someone to phone you, taken the call, and then left because of an alleged reason to need to be home.

I worked once with a team who were largely boring to be with socially, and would have reasons not to go to such events, other than the odd one once a year so it did not look too bad.

I just don't want to lie and be fake though! They would see right through it.

OP posts:
GameOfJones · 04/12/2024 20:49

If it's just 50 people in a bar and no sit down meal......will anyone have ever noticed?

I would think this was rude if it was a booked meal in a restaurant but if just drinks and canapés I personally think nobody would even notice you'd gone.

Don't mention it and if anyone asks then say you didn't feel well and needed to dash home.

Ringpeace · 04/12/2024 20:50

I'm team OP.

But then I'm such an introvert nobody would have noticed if I was there or not.

Tvp123 · 04/12/2024 20:52

It really depends on where you work and how many people etc. Nobody gives a fuck if people don't go to our party, they also wouldn't be upset if someone left after a short amount of time but we have a big event with food, drink and music. It'd be different if it was a small sit down dinner.

Sounds like it'd be fine but if not tell people you felt ill and slipped off as you didn't want to cause concern.