To have walked out of my work Christmas party in favour of dining alone

[Namechangey23]

New employer..I don't know many people as yet. Works Christmas party on Oxford st. No real entertainment, no food (yet!) and dull dull small talk, which, to be honest, was never my strong suit. God it bored the absolute tits off me. So I've walked out at 7.30pm in favour of dinner alone in a nice Turkish restaurant. Sod wasting a child free night on that rubbish! Life's too bloody short! Should I have stayed to show willing, AIBU for leaving...or would you do the same? Yes I've seen the mistake in the title and no I can't change it.

Key points from this post :

1. this was drinks with 50 people in a bar, not a pre-selected sit down dinner
2. OP stayed for an hour and a half
3. this was one of OPs very rare child free nights

@Namechangey23 i hope you enjoyed your lovely Turkish food - what did you get in the end? I think you did the right thing, and I really can’t see how anyoneyou work with is going to have an issue with it. Having said that, if tomorrows do is more formal, make your excuses welll beforehand, or recognise that you really will need to suck that one up.

Get home safe!

She did make the effort she turned up and stayed a decent amount of time and was presumably pleasant in person as she chatted with people.

. . . add to that 'I don't like making small talk with work colleagues but I'm quite happy to chat to absolute strangers online about one really mundane topic all evening that I have chosen and will direct, even when I've just said ''I'd rather dine alone in a nice restaurant'' '.

I honestly think it's fine if it was just drinks at a bar! If you say nobody will miss you I'll take you at your word. Obviously if you were hanging around with close colleagues who would worry about you, of course that would be really bad form to up and leave without a word.

In the places I've worked, if it's not a sit down meal it's totally ok for people to show their face and head off. People have a lot on in December and some people just don't want to do the full work Christmas party night. You made an effort to go in the first place, exchanged pleasantries, more than some would do where I've worked!

It wasn't a wedding invite 😂

I’m pretty sure I know who you are op! It got a little livelier for sure. People noticed the French exit though!!

Agree. Imagine being judged at work because you don’t stay out for hours.

Honestly! 🤣
The people on here acting like you’ve just walked out on your actual job in favour of dining alone 🤣
It’s a bloody Christmas do! Attendance is not mandatory!

Im with you OP, life is too short to waste it on that crap!

Some posters on here seem to think your ability to work in a team is based on your ability to hold an alcoholic drink after office hours and make mundane small talk with people you wouldn’t be friends with in your personal life.

Christmas dos are supposed to be fun, and a way to let your hair down. If they are providing neither for you, then get the he’ll out and do something you enjoy

No one will care. Marking your card is just bollocks. Half will want to escape, half will be out until 3 and get short faced.

I'm too old for work dis anymore.

Rude!

I can't believe how disapproving everyone is. Why in earth should OP have to stay if she doesn't want to?

Nobody's probably even noticed! She can always say she felt ill if anyone asks.

Honestly, I'd probably do the same. Whatever happened to 'it's an invite not a summons'?

Life is too short for this. Good for you OP.

I’m currently not a manager, you’ll be pleased to know.

though maybe this is industry specific- in my industry the work drinks wouldn’t really be considered “outside of work”. You are still expected to behave within company standards etc, no one would be getting blind drunk etc. So behaviour at these events would be monitored as is considered as an extension of the work place.

Well my spelling went well there...

I don’t think she should stay if doesn’t want to- I think she should be polite enough to say if she’s leaving!

I'm also baffled why quietly leaving is such a social faux pas, surely it's worse to get shit faced & making a total knob of yourself?!
From a bar staff point of view there is literally nothing more annoying (imo) than once a year drinkers "Linda" from accounts screeching & trying to make everyone dance or "Dave" the middle manager that waves a £20 note at you who calls you "luv" and winks at you.
So glad I'm no longer in the pub trade

TBH you shouldn’t have gone in the first place OP -but I think you know that. Work aren't entitled to your free time - you don’t need to socialise with work but just make up a polite excuse when you decline invites. I hate these sorts of Xmas dos- life is too short to be spending it making awkward small talk at a Christmas do - especially if you have to pay for it too!

This is interesting. I suspect it is industry specific. I work in public sector where outside of work is very much outside of work and unless you did something that brought the workplace into disrepute, or something that would preclude you from the job (eg something that would flag on a dbs check), management wouldn’t have a leg to stand on trying to take any action.

One of the perks of being your own boss with no employees is not having to attend or host work parties or come up with excuses for avoiding them!

Anyway, I don't see a problem with ducking out early after making a polite appearance. Unless they spent a lot on a meal you didn't stay to eat (which they evidently did not) why would anyone care?

I think the level of your rudeness depends on the circumstances. If it was in a crowded bar, people standing, sitting, moving around, talking to different groups etc, then leaving is OK. If it was a sit down meal, with a place setting for everyone, and you just upped and left, leaving an empty seat - then that’s really rude and rather odd.

Some of these replies are unhinged 😂. YOU WILL BE FINE.

There were a lot of people there so your leaving won’t be noticed in a big way, if you want to stretch the truth if anyone says anything you can always say ‘had to rush off, I said bye to…oh I’ve forgotten their name now, I’ll learn everyone’s name eventually….’ Or some similar bullshit.

I ducked out of my work Christmas do last year, I was the fairly new HR lead, it was a hybrid role so didn’t see people much and don’t regret not going at all. I’m going this year but I feel much more comfortable now as I’ve been there longer.

I have a huge amount of respect for you for leaving! Nothing worse than a dull works do. Hope you’re still enjoying your evening alone

Hang on. You stayed an hour and a half? At a casual sounding bar event? That sounds like a perfectly acceptable amount of time to me, what’s the big drama?

Well if you don't think you were in any way unreasonable, why post about it on AIBU? Methinks you feel something - guilt, rudeness, fear of disapproval?

I don't especially like these big work dos, though I always go and I like socialising. It's simply because I don't know how they'll turn out. Sometimes they are a real bore and I'm constantly trying to make small talk or watching others dance while I feel I'm too old for all that OR I have a good time, either having a laugh or an interesting conversation or ten.

It's the amount of people I have a problem with - I can always have interesting chats if the group is smaller.

There’s only one semi decent Turkish restaurant anywhere near Oxford Street. So I hope that’s the one you’re at as otherwise your flouncing off was pointless!

What a hysterical thread.🙄
OP, you stayed 90 minutes and needed to get home.
The end.
You dropped in.
You did your bit.
Be breezy if some pain in the arse feels the need to mention it.
Completely your choice to leave.
I have never ever heard of anyone making an issue of this in any private sector company.

I think the real baller move would have been to have said goodbye and then leave. 'Sorry, I have to go now but have fun!' As a new person this would be more understood, as you don't know anyone, and doesn't look underhand.

Xmas work parties are total balls, we spend enough time with these people! I've not been drunk at a work party for many years.