Husband thinks I owe him money for maternity leave?

[LemonadeShadeParade]

I am so confused! So pleased advice me!

I took 10 months mat leave, and my work did not provide any enhanced mat pay because I had been there less than two years. So I've been living off SMP only which isn't very much! My husband and I discussed this would be the case before getting pregnant and agreed we could manage as we both had allocated baby savings and my husband has a fairly decent salary (though I am the higher earner of the two of us).

I tried my best to contribute but as the months went on and I ran out of savings I had to contribute less and less. Again, this was all discussed before we got pregnant.

I'm about to return to work.

My husband has now sprung on me, that he's been calculating how much I've been short every month, adding it all up and now thinks I owe him the total 🫤

E.g. (not the real numbers) If I usually paid him £800 a month towards bills etc and in March actually paid him £300, he put down that I owe him £500 for the month of March. If I paid him £600 in April, he thinks I owe him £200 for April. Etc. and he's totalled it all up for 10 months and said that's what I owe him for being on mat leave.

AIBU to be a bit ??? by this? Firstly it's not what we agreed but more importantly we're a married couple and this is OUR baby not MY baby. AIBU to think his role here was to support his family whereas mine was to keep the baby alive? I was too shell shocked to say anything before we were interrupted and didn't finish the conversation.

I'm so confused, am I wrong? I mean if he suddenly lost his job or got sick, I would support our family, is that not how families work? Doesn't the working parent support the other parent who's off work looking after the baby? I thought that's how this works?! ☹️

I would not bother with all the games and shenanigans about "billing" him etc. I would:

1. Ascertain if he can in any credible way claim to have been joking, in which case I would be furious with him and tell him that is not an acceptable "joke".
2. If he is not joking, leave him immediately without further discussion. This is utterly ridiculous and abusive, and won't get any better, don't imagine for one moment he will be amenable to change. What will he be billing you for next? Time taken off when you are or your child (or your parents) are ill? Money spent on medicines and health items? Money spent on any clothes or activities that he does not deem essential? Getting rid now will save you and your child much pain in the longer term. Decent (or even vaguely normal) people don't behave like this.

Tell him to bugger off

Your husband is a financially abuse wanker.

Leave him.

Then tell him how much he owes you.

This is what I cannot get over. It wasn't a stupid comment, it is a state of mind. It would just kill any attraction stone dead.

Jeeperscreepers!
Bill him child care, calculate womb rental and bill him half. Cost of damage to body. Loss of career progression. The costs are never ending. Then tell him to go f*k himself in the dark because no one else can f*k a man with such a mean spirit.

I would tell him he can make monthly deductions out of the alimony and child support he is just about to saddle himself with.

I'd start making plans to leave to be honest. This doesn't bode well for the future.

You’ve married a tight cunt.

But you’re married?? And have a child? This is beyond disgusting behaviour by your husband, how many sacrifices have you made….your career for months, your body and I’m sorry but he should want to look after you and the child whilst you don’t work!

Will he then also be paying you compensation to carry the baby and give birth. This is so low of him to ask this tbh. Having a baby is a priceless gift and it’s his responsibility to try and support you through that . As you said it’s not your baby it’s his too! And you summarised it so well your focus was keeping the baby alive! And his should be to support you both

You say that you are the higher earner usually
do you contribute equally to family finances when working?

What an unmitigated cunt.

This reminds me of the chapter 'the Rice Husband' in the book The Joy Luck Club. It would be worth skimming if you haven't read it. Keeping tabs is never equal. I am sorry this is happening but he is being very unreasonable.

Think your with the wrong husband love.dear oh dear......

He is not only wrong about the finances of this but completely wrong and unkind to suggest this to you. You need to present him a bill for cleaning, cooking, laundry and childcare if this goes on!!!

What a w**r. How did you ever end up with him? Run fast. It'll only get worse. Mum's should be home with the baby as much as possible.

Dickhead.

I think someone needs to give your husband a good talking to.
I'd be reconsidering my life choices.

OMG ! Are you not a team here ? Is the baby his aswell as yours? Sorry you need to read the riot act here. My husband & I have shared all our money equally for getting on for 50 years.
What he doesn't deserve you.

Sounds like a complete prat…
I don’t know who owes what to whom in my 52-year-old marriage but I do know we wouldn’t have lasted this long if either of us had behaved like your husband.

To put it simply:
If you (O.P) had gone back to work straight after giving birth then you would have both had to fund nursery fees. Instead, you took time off work to look after your (joint) baby. That became your job, and therefore saved on nursery fees and even more importantly allowed your (joint) baby to be looked after in the best possible way. So you had to do a full-time unpaid job for a certain length of time, and therefore do not owe him anything!

It sounds like he is being very weirdly logical and calculating in his calculations, so perhaps you ought to hit him with that logic laid out above!
Hope it gets resolved xx

Could bill him for every time you've slept together on the grounds he didn't disclose vital information about his personality which may have changed your mind (ie being a dik).
If he says you're being ridiculous/ you've got to be joking ...just tell him he started it.👍

Exactly!!!!

Sorry to say this but what a CAUC........

What a great idea! Live-in Nanny is between £400-£650 a week (according to Google)