Husband thinks I owe him money for maternity leave?

[LemonadeShadeParade]

I am so confused! So pleased advice me!

I took 10 months mat leave, and my work did not provide any enhanced mat pay because I had been there less than two years. So I've been living off SMP only which isn't very much! My husband and I discussed this would be the case before getting pregnant and agreed we could manage as we both had allocated baby savings and my husband has a fairly decent salary (though I am the higher earner of the two of us).

I tried my best to contribute but as the months went on and I ran out of savings I had to contribute less and less. Again, this was all discussed before we got pregnant.

I'm about to return to work.

My husband has now sprung on me, that he's been calculating how much I've been short every month, adding it all up and now thinks I owe him the total 🫤

E.g. (not the real numbers) If I usually paid him £800 a month towards bills etc and in March actually paid him £300, he put down that I owe him £500 for the month of March. If I paid him £600 in April, he thinks I owe him £200 for April. Etc. and he's totalled it all up for 10 months and said that's what I owe him for being on mat leave.

AIBU to be a bit ??? by this? Firstly it's not what we agreed but more importantly we're a married couple and this is OUR baby not MY baby. AIBU to think his role here was to support his family whereas mine was to keep the baby alive? I was too shell shocked to say anything before we were interrupted and didn't finish the conversation.

I'm so confused, am I wrong? I mean if he suddenly lost his job or got sick, I would support our family, is that not how families work? Doesn't the working parent support the other parent who's off work looking after the baby? I thought that's how this works?! ☹️

What a gent you"ve got!
Absolutely insane.

WTF.
Perhaps send him an invoice for carrying his child for 9 months. Then for any childcare when he’s not around.

The man is being beyond ridiculous.

Um I'd be looking for a way out if I were you. Sorry but if you're in a serious and committed relationship, which I assume you are if you've had a child together, you should be talking about household incomes and how your money is his and vice versa. I'd be invoicing him for all the childcare costs you've saved him by not going back to work immediately after baby was born. Madness.

Wind your neck in. Completely agree it’s being a husband. That’s a sacrificial thing. Sacrificing your own pleasure for the sake of your wife and children.

Did you give him the option to share the maternity leave? Some partners want to have some time off too to look after the baby, when they’re a bit older (not newborn)

No need to be unpleasant.
"Wind your neck in" indeed. Rude.

I’ve heard it all now! You owe him nothing, you are married! You are a team!

You can tell who the people are on here voting against the OP.

I think you need to invoice him for lost earnings as a result of carrying his child, plus ‘rent’ for carrying his child in your womb, plus extra for the additional food you needed to consume to grow his child, plus anything else you can think of….what an absolute he is!

I would leave him straight away! There’s a deeper issue going on than just money

Breast milk here is $3.50 to $5 per OUNCE.

That and child care, nice nest egg for your new place because staying with a man who wants to charge you for maternity leave is 😒

This sort of messed up attitude towards money travels through the generations. One of my daughters has successfully weaned her husband off these pernicious beliefs ( As far as I know and sincerely hope). His parents kept strictly separate finances all their marriage - mostly the mother, the father is now dead.
My first thought was for you to charge rent for carrying his child and beyond if he doesn’t change his attitude. Good luck even if it was a tease, he thought of it didn’t he and did the sum was done? Infuriating post, it is NOT normal.

WTAF? Bill him for the nine months of carrying his child. Bill him at an hourly rate for each hour of labour. Enhanced bill for any complications. Bill him for all the work you do to rear your child and what it would cost had you gone straight back to work and hired a nanny…,and then get digging the foundations for the patio.

Funny how he didn't really care about equal contributions when you were contributing more to the pot than him, then suddenly comes out with his spreadsheet of supposed debt. He's legitimately a moron if he can't see that he had the good end of the deal (and that's removing the whole element of you carrying and raising his child and the sacrifices you'll have made in your career, pension and savings).

Invoice him for his share in the cost of carrying a child and then the childcare.
Be reasonable, offer to go halves. Then tell him to fck right off.

He sounds like terrible father material and you won't be sleeping with him again, ever, in case he charges you for a kleenex.

He is being silly. It's your shared money not his and yours if you're married. Where are you meant to get this magical missing money from?

I wish people would stop posting, OP has NOT come back since then and the thread will soon be full and she won't be able to come back and update, everyone STOP POSTING! (yes I realise the irony of this post, but this is the only post I've made on here)

@LemonadeShadeParade Any update before this thread maxes out and closes?

What an arsehole!!! Does he usually treat you this poorly?

Total up all the hours you have looked after your little one (including nights) and bill him for childcare.

Fuck me. This would be divorce for me if he’s serious. What a misogynist scumbag

I agree with all the other comments saying you need to bill him for childcare. Calculate what you would have had to pay a nanny for him to go to work. If you took on the majority of any other duties such as cooking or cleaning then bill him for that too. Put it in no uncertain terms that if he is going to bill you then you are going to do it right back to him and I absolutely guarantee that he will owe you far more than you owe him.

I am in shock. I thought mine was an arse. Wow.

What a d.

He is expecting to be paid for the honour of giving you a baby.

That's a new one on me.

I feel quite concerned for you OP that you've not said anything. Are you afraid of him?

All of this stuff - wanting to make sure you're completely controlled in your response despite him being the one to make this batshit request, the chances for him to say he was joking, asking for advice on how to phrase things to your own husband, putting it off, even saying you'll wait until it comes up in conversation again?

I don't know how you can keep your mouth closed for an hour never mind more than a day after what he's just asked of you?

You've got (I've not read every post but I am guessing) unanimous agreement that he's in the wrong. Are you not seething with anger about it all?

Do you feel you always have to be the calm one? Walk on eggshells? Do you feel it's your responsibility to explain things well enough that he can understand? Do you ever let yourself just be pissed off and express your raw emotions with him?

Ar$e tot up how much nursery fees would have cost and tell him he owes you that for services rendered