Husband thinks I owe him money for maternity leave?

[LemonadeShadeParade]

I am so confused! So pleased advice me!

I took 10 months mat leave, and my work did not provide any enhanced mat pay because I had been there less than two years. So I've been living off SMP only which isn't very much! My husband and I discussed this would be the case before getting pregnant and agreed we could manage as we both had allocated baby savings and my husband has a fairly decent salary (though I am the higher earner of the two of us).

I tried my best to contribute but as the months went on and I ran out of savings I had to contribute less and less. Again, this was all discussed before we got pregnant.

I'm about to return to work.

My husband has now sprung on me, that he's been calculating how much I've been short every month, adding it all up and now thinks I owe him the total 🫤

E.g. (not the real numbers) If I usually paid him £800 a month towards bills etc and in March actually paid him £300, he put down that I owe him £500 for the month of March. If I paid him £600 in April, he thinks I owe him £200 for April. Etc. and he's totalled it all up for 10 months and said that's what I owe him for being on mat leave.

AIBU to be a bit ??? by this? Firstly it's not what we agreed but more importantly we're a married couple and this is OUR baby not MY baby. AIBU to think his role here was to support his family whereas mine was to keep the baby alive? I was too shell shocked to say anything before we were interrupted and didn't finish the conversation.

I'm so confused, am I wrong? I mean if he suddenly lost his job or got sick, I would support our family, is that not how families work? Doesn't the working parent support the other parent who's off work looking after the baby? I thought that's how this works?! ☹️

I think he forgot to add to his calculations the money you've saved him by taking over all his childcare duties during working hours, enabling him to go to work.

I have to admit I'm kind of interested to hear his logic and reasoning behind it as mental as I think it's going to be. And how he's going to justify it. Hard to put in to words how Im feeling but it's almost like my image of him has been scribble on and it's not as pretty a picture any more

Bill him for your incubation services! And for the millions of cells that you contributed, compared to the mere one that he contributed. Work out how many hours you were pregnant for and how many hours childcare you have provided. Don't forget to include night rates and overtime. Also charge him for expenses (maternity clothes, breast pads, sanitary towels etc. I would also be tempted to point out that as you earn more, you propose that you return to work full time and he does the childcare and cuts his hours and then, once you have paid off your debts, then he can start owing you money which you can claim back from him. You can then put the money that he gives you into a divorce fund and get rid.

If he is billing you for not being able to pay for costs because you are on maternity leave. Then I suggest you bill him for lost income for the entire length of your maternity leave. Don't forget to include the workplace pension payments that would have been given by your employer in that period and you could even calculate out an estimate of what that loss of pension payments will make to your overall workplace pension at 55 years of age +

What a cruel thing for you DH to be asking / telling you..... Make sure your finances are recorded well, clearly what his is his and whats yours is his too! He sounds like trouble could strike.

This. Then bill him for all the baby care, any damage to your body etc.

How much you charging him for the childcare of his child. Huge red flag and id be making my exit if my dh even though like your son to be ex ...

I'm sure others said the same, but you said that you pay bills in proportion to your income. In that case, during the agreed upon period in which you were receiving little income, your % should be recalculated. I would be willing to bet that he owes YOU money as you earnt basically zero.

Conversely, if he wants to treat you as nothing but a surrogate, then he can pay you the fee associated with your "service".

He needs to realize that the choice to have a baby was not some impersonal transaction. I agree he's probably panicking about his savings, but asking to be "paid back" was not part of the agreement. He can't change the agreement after the fact.

And his half of the groceries back!

some things to consider and for your DH to consider when he thinks you owe him!?!?!?!

You must have felt as if the mat had been pulled from under your feet.
Ask home to write it all down because you are not certain you understand what he is trying to put across to you. As he thinking along these lines now keep copies of all paper work, bank, earnings etc. and messages etc in safe keeping for later just in case.

He's absolutely nuts. You've been so fair paying bills proportionally. Tell him that's not going to work any more and he has to pay half going forwards.

Bill him for your job as cleaner
childminder
HE now owed you.
Twat

Says you’ll pay it back when he’s pushed a watermelon out of his bum hole.

Why???

Are you content now that the thread is still here?

How awful. I think I'd be speechless too.

I’m absolutely disgusted.
I hope he’s on his knees begging for forgiveness when this conversation comes up again.

you deserve better xxx

I agree, knowledge is power and get it in writing. Being able to articulate all this to a divorce lawyer will come in handy.

Calculate what childcare would have cost for those ten months and send him an invoice.

What an arse

i suggest that when you go back to work you make extra contributions into your pension to make up for any time you have lost while on unpaid maternity leave .

Many women forget to do this.

id also start being very careful to ensure that all unpaid labour ( housework , child care , wife work) is 50:50. Because most women do all of this on mat leave, it’s easy for it to go to 80: 20 or 75:25.

Most men think they are heros if they do 20% .

Good Lord. I think you should start billing him for the things you do at home while you're on mat leave and indeed, he can start paying for half the groceries. I won't call him an utter wanker just yet, let's hope he thinks he was being funny 🙄

You could always tell him that you are rethinking going back to work at all, as you would like to be a SAHM, and watch him shite himself...!

Jan 12, 2024 — On average, nationwide, base pay for first-time surrogates is between $45,000 and $55,000, with fees rising to between $60,000 to $70,000 for ..
Ask him if he wants to pay you in US dollars or UK sterling.

I’d be nipping it in the bud and having the conversation with him this evening.

And a whole lot more besides.
What an absolute jerk off.

As you normally put more in that him based on your higher salary you should work out the difference (backdated as far as you can) and bill him for it