Husband thinks I owe him money for maternity leave?

[LemonadeShadeParade]

I am so confused! So pleased advice me!

I took 10 months mat leave, and my work did not provide any enhanced mat pay because I had been there less than two years. So I've been living off SMP only which isn't very much! My husband and I discussed this would be the case before getting pregnant and agreed we could manage as we both had allocated baby savings and my husband has a fairly decent salary (though I am the higher earner of the two of us).

I tried my best to contribute but as the months went on and I ran out of savings I had to contribute less and less. Again, this was all discussed before we got pregnant.

I'm about to return to work.

My husband has now sprung on me, that he's been calculating how much I've been short every month, adding it all up and now thinks I owe him the total 🫤

E.g. (not the real numbers) If I usually paid him £800 a month towards bills etc and in March actually paid him £300, he put down that I owe him £500 for the month of March. If I paid him £600 in April, he thinks I owe him £200 for April. Etc. and he's totalled it all up for 10 months and said that's what I owe him for being on mat leave.

AIBU to be a bit ??? by this? Firstly it's not what we agreed but more importantly we're a married couple and this is OUR baby not MY baby. AIBU to think his role here was to support his family whereas mine was to keep the baby alive? I was too shell shocked to say anything before we were interrupted and didn't finish the conversation.

I'm so confused, am I wrong? I mean if he suddenly lost his job or got sick, I would support our family, is that not how families work? Doesn't the working parent support the other parent who's off work looking after the baby? I thought that's how this works?! ☹️

@LemonadeShadeParade

did you say that the 2 of you split the bills by a %, and you pay for the groceries on top of that ?!!!

if so, it's time to include the groceries in with the other bills/costs.

and when the times comes, the nursery fees too.

Here's what I'm hoping;

• this is a wind up by OP
• DH is winding OP up, not funny but maybe a misguided prank
• someone is winding DH up and convinced him that this is the norm, a very cruel prank indeed
• Dh is sleep deprived and exhausted and had a really irrational moment that he will immediately regret and apologise for.

If none of the above then honestly I don't know what to think. I have no words.

This is madness. I struggle to believe this is real tbh!!! I can’t think of a bigger red flag than this situation apart from violence/criminal acts.

This is one of those situations where I really would say consider the relationship. What if you got sick or god forbid your child? What if you had another child? Would he bill you for covering your bit?

Being in a relationship means you have each others back. Nit picking who owes what when you’ve just grown a human in you takes the p*ss. I wouldn’t be able to look at them in same way.

I would do as others have said and write your own payments .

• Average childcare cost per hour : £5.00.
• I assume you’ve taken over more cleaning as you’re at home: £10 p/h
• Cooking too I bet? Average take out meal for one: £10 per dinner.

Wtaf!

Fucking hell. I never understand this concept. If you are married, and especially if you have children, all money is family money. All in one pot. You are living as a family unit.

Look up childcare costs and calculate the average hourly rate 24/7 ... also look at how much a cleaner would cost, how much it would cost to have laundry done, costs for a cook etc etc and create your own spreadsheet!

I would be looking at a divorce lawyer if my other half dared do this to me! This baby is from both of you yet you have done all childcare while he's at work, no doubt getting up through the night too and he still wants you to contribute 100% of what you were before baby? Your husband is an AH

I'm in the camp of he owes you. If it was proportional before mat leave it should have been proportional after. That's without acknowledging what you have lost in potential future earnings and what you have been through in carrying, birthing and caring for the baby. You shouldn't have had to drain your savings to try to keep up your before payments. I think you should write it all down and go through it point by point with him then.

Also, if you are going back to work and on top of that doing more than 50/50 of the unpaid work for the home and family he should be making up for it somehow. Spell it out for him.

WTAF! 😡😡😡😡 really.....counter with your accounts for childcare, housework, shopping etc etc etc. Absolute joke....

Apparently surrogacy expenses are approx 10-15k so make sure you also bill him 50% of that for use of your uterus

@LemonadeShadeParade "We usually split the bills based on the % of our income"

If he wants to play it that way than either you were only meant to contribute the % that your SMP represents- or if he suddenly wants to split things evenly then he needs to pay back to you the additional % you used to contributed pre-baby.

Good on you for coming here to check - as perhaps he can also contribute to balance out all those extra childcare hours you are providing atm too!

Oooo this is brilliant.

Because they successfully hide their cockwombleness until the woman is in a vulnerable position!

If he says he's serious then simply state right so I can bill you for caring for the baby then.....so that's £15/hr 24 hours - sleeping time say 4hours to be generous. So on that reckoning for 10 months that's £90,000......minus what he thinks you owe him and then tell him you will accept £80,000 by bacs or cheque.......

That might make him realise how fucking unreasonable he is being!

Every day it's a new low for men.
I think I've seen it all on mumsnet then one man just takes it further.

this is very simple, get a quote for full time nursery fees for the period per month, give him an invoice for 50% of that, I suspect he now owes you money...

That's awful! A marriage is supposed to be teamwork...with all my worldly I thee endow....he promised that or words to that effect didn't he?

What he's doing is not how marriage works. Send him a bill for childcare.

Give me his mobile number and I’ll explain to him what a tosser he is. As a pp said, this is a new low.

Marking place for the update!

I wouldn't wait for the conversation to come up again. I personally wouldn't be able to let something like this slide and my DH would hear - very clearly - what my opinion on that comment is.
I'm disgusted on your behalf.

Interesting future you have ahead of you.

What an arse. 😔

Wow this is one of the craziest things I’ve read on here, awful. I’m sorry he’s done this to you, how disappointing and selfish of him.

Tell him it's time he got a better paying job. You expected him to be earning more by now. Or get a second job. If there's a financial deficit, he's the one who needs to bridge the gap.

Bill him for the reduction in wages you will now receive as a result of having a child - about 20% for the rest of your working life. Whilst you’re at it bill him upfront for the pension contributions you were unable to make during mat leave. You’re also owed about 8k for childcare I should imagine.
Once you’ve received that, advise him of upcoming divorce proceedings and bill him for exactly half of what you jointly own. I think he’s confused about the legal contract he’s entered into. What a tool.

The fact he thinks he’s done you a favour and lent you money🤮. Couldn’t shag him again - ick.