Husband thinks I owe him money for maternity leave?

[LemonadeShadeParade]

I am so confused! So pleased advice me!

I took 10 months mat leave, and my work did not provide any enhanced mat pay because I had been there less than two years. So I've been living off SMP only which isn't very much! My husband and I discussed this would be the case before getting pregnant and agreed we could manage as we both had allocated baby savings and my husband has a fairly decent salary (though I am the higher earner of the two of us).

I tried my best to contribute but as the months went on and I ran out of savings I had to contribute less and less. Again, this was all discussed before we got pregnant.

I'm about to return to work.

My husband has now sprung on me, that he's been calculating how much I've been short every month, adding it all up and now thinks I owe him the total 🫤

E.g. (not the real numbers) If I usually paid him £800 a month towards bills etc and in March actually paid him £300, he put down that I owe him £500 for the month of March. If I paid him £600 in April, he thinks I owe him £200 for April. Etc. and he's totalled it all up for 10 months and said that's what I owe him for being on mat leave.

AIBU to be a bit ??? by this? Firstly it's not what we agreed but more importantly we're a married couple and this is OUR baby not MY baby. AIBU to think his role here was to support his family whereas mine was to keep the baby alive? I was too shell shocked to say anything before we were interrupted and didn't finish the conversation.

I'm so confused, am I wrong? I mean if he suddenly lost his job or got sick, I would support our family, is that not how families work? Doesn't the working parent support the other parent who's off work looking after the baby? I thought that's how this works?! ☹️

Also - tell him that you'll be mentioning his position on this to your mutual social circle.

His reaction will tell you if he was joking or not. It will also tell you if he knows he is being a prat.

Hmmm
Interesting
Maybe you need to bill him for your services

Making breakfast from. Jan to Nov £5 a day
Making lunch from Jan to November£5
Making dinner from Jan to November £5
Cleaning bathroom weekly £25
Cleaning kitchen £25 a week
Cleaning bedroom weekly £25
Cleaning living room weekly £25
Once a month deep clean £100
Laundry 4x a week £20
Folding clothes £20
Babysitting newborn £200 a day including nights
First month babysitting with nights £6000

Continue your bill

I can't believe he made you contribute in the first place

Ewww

I would be extremely wary. Even if he back tracks and says it’s a joke. It doesn’t sound like he see you as a married couple. Surely what is yours is his and what is his is yours. You not only lost out on income but also career progression to look after the child you have together. If he’s serious I’d tell him I’m not paying him (and others have joked he should be paying you). Were you (as a married couple) struggling for money on maternity leave or did he make you feel like you were struggling?

I would send him an invoice for womb rent, baby care, baby feeding, planning time, management fee and any other expenses you can think of.
then tell him to give his head a wobble and have a very serious chat about future family finances, childcare holidays etc.

There are some good responses here. I would put it in writing via text or email outlining what he said so he can't deny it later. Also do tell your parents although I can relate to the shame part. It does make things easier down the line though.

No problem.

Invoice him for childcare.

Good luck with you talk with him.

Add up your loss of earnings due to having his child and tell him he can keep the change. Of course there'll be none.
Cheeky bastard.

I don’t even know where to start listing all the ways this is wrong. I have never heard of this before.

I have seen some absolute twatish things on mumsnet from husbands- and this is up
there! Who the fuck does he think he is.

Tell him to fuck off and as others have said charge him for childcare!

What have I just read 😱

I would be getting my ducks in a row and taking steps to leave any 'man' who demanded money from me, because he insists I owe him money from when I was on maternity leave and was earning less than him.

I could NOT be married to such a whopping thundercunt. I'd rather be a single mum. May as well be with such a horrible selfish uncaring husband!

Fuck me sideways with a bargepole! Just when you think you've read it all on here!

.

I don’t even know where to start listing all the ways this is wrong. I have never heard of this before.

Tell your DH he wins the MN Shit Bloke award for today.

Crikey OP, it is unbelievable. Is he going to keep track of what the baby costs to raise and then charge his child when he/she is an adult a fee for raising them?

I am hoping for your sake it was a very bad joke.

Say ok. But here s my childcare bill for x days x 8 hours x 15 per hour.

Well her DH is expecting her to split the bills 50/50 during her mat leave when she only has her savings (which have now run out) and statutory maternity pay, which is why he is saying that she owes him money.

Before she had the baby, they split the bills proportionally to their earnings so OP paid more and in addition, OP bought all the groceries which she has also been doing during mat leave.

So it's 50/50 when OP is the lower earner but proportionally in relation to earnings when OP is the higher earner. How is that fair?

That's awful. So if you went back to work sooner was he going to pay for childcare ?
I agree with others work out how much that would have cost each month. And tell him his half off it .
Then ask him does he really think you owe him money.
Not to mention the fact you carried his child and well that's priceless.

What an absolute arse, even in jest.
That is horrible

Billing you for mat leave?

Did he have no say or input into this baby at all? Is he not the father?

You historically have paid a % of your income towards the bills, so on mat leave you should have (not paid anything) continued to pay on percentage terms using your statutory pay amount.

He's gross sorry.

Bill him for carrying your child for 9months - he owes half the rent of your womb n'est pas, bill him for the pain and emotional distress of labour and the physical injury to person, bill him for half the cost of baby food if breast fed, bill him for 50% all childcare whilst he was working, bill him for all housework, food provision and cleaning plus any additiional concierge services - holiday booking, house admin, packing services etc etc and say to him if you are sticking to this agreement please find my invoice here and present it, when he starts complaining thats part of being a wife and Mother just say "ditto"

if it doesn't make him wake up then I am afraid its walking thats the answer - right out the door

Going forward OP if you end up as the primary carer remember to bill him for every hit your career takes and every sacrifice you make. If you can bear to stay with him.

its not a joke, he had taken note of numbers and payments and worked out exactly what you’d both paid. I wouldn’t even suggest this is a joke to him. It’s actually disgusting that he’s even mentioned this to you.
id just hit him with a bill for your expenses, and loss of earnings.

I’m absolutely furious on your behalf. What a fucking piss take.

I’d think exactly the same as here. He has some very skewed views of life as a married couple and more importantly you as a new mother. If he’s letting relatives cloud his judgment about this then I’d be worried there too as he obvs thinks their opinions are valid.

I think you should work out how much more than him you've paid over the years (including rough estimate of food) and tell him. And also tell him about the cost of childcare etc as many nurseries charge more when they are under one. What a cheek