To ask how you juggle childcare and work?

[Stillgardening9]

will be returning to work next year following on from maternity leave. I am looking for a new job as current job isn’t suitable which is a struggle in itself. Struggling to think about how much of a job it will be to manage childcare and working full time - if I work 9-5 it will be hard going to pick up DC from nursery and then getting home and sorting tea etc. I am hoping to work from home - would it be unreasonable to assume I can look after a toddler whilst I work? Alternatively, I could work 4 days then I could still have an extra day where we can go to playgroup and do things but money is a big factor in this. Could I have your experiences?

I got a new job and did 9-4, 3 days a week. DH did compressed hours so he could cover half ofone of those days - the rest was nursery. Massive drop in pay and responsibilities but it is what it is.

I think we could only now WFH with DS in the house and he is 6!

So you're changing your job entirely because it won't work with family responsibilities, but your husband just "works long hours" and won't be changing anything to do his share?

When I came back to work from maternity leave, we both dropped down to four days a week and did a day of childcare each and one did drop off and the other did pick up.

Now, I advise people not to go part time straight away if they've accrued a lot of leave over mat leave, just take a day off a week if they can, to delay the drop in wages as long as they can.

Both parents need to contribute to drop offs and pick ups, especially if one of both of you have a commute.

Good options:

• one or both part time, eg both have a day off. Especially if into 40% tax rate or losing child benefit
• working 4 days hours over 5 days so you can do 6 hours a day instead of 7.5. Ask to have a shorter lunch break eg 30 mins.
• alternating with partner so one of you goes in early but leaves early eg 8am to 4pm, the other arrives later but leaves later eg 9.30 -6. "Late" person does morning drop off, "early" parent picks up at end of day.

If u are cutting back on ur job so he doesn't have to be affected you definitely need to get married if you didn't already

You cannot look after a toddler, or any child under the age of 11/12, while working from home. A lot of companies expressly forbid it and, even if they don't, you're supposed to give all your time to your job during working hours.

For all the years when my husband and I both worked full time (office hours), our children were in childcare from 8am to 6pm. Once they were school age they were in breakfast club, after school club and holiday clubs.

If it works for you financially you could work part time. With the cost of childcare it may be more cost efficient anyway! My husband was a stay at home dad for several years for this reason!

Find a nursery where they feed them dinner at 4; then they only need a snack when home.
Plan a meal rotation that is either v quick to cook, can be cooked in advance and be reheated, or can sit in the slow cooker all day.
Eg
Pesto pasta
Tagine
Stew
Stir fry
Jacket pots (microwave)

You absolutely cannot care for a toddler while you work - deeply unfair on the child who needs 1-2-1 attention and to socialise and exercise, and you would be being unfair to your employer.

You need to find a good and trustworthy childminder or nursery near to your house, and pay for childcare from your and your husband’s joint income, like everyone else does.

Go and visit nurseries now and get your name on waiting lists.

This but also you need a conversation with your partner as to why he feels it's ok to make absolutely no accommodation within his working hours to actually do any parenting.

When you get to school age you find a childminder who does school picks ups too.

I have been a lone parent for 15 years and managed it, but I also manage a large team and I would be so pissed off if one of them was trying to look after their DC in working hours.

Agree with other posters. You need childcare for the hours you’ll be working.

We covered drop offs and pick ups between us - I’d drop off and finish late, DH would start work early and finish early to do pick ups. Or visa versa.

On nursery days, all meals were provided including breakfast and tea so all we did was collect, bath, story and bed. Yes it’s not nice but they were happy, stimulated, fed and we could focus on doing work uninterrupted. Pre-Covid people wouldn’t dream of wfh with a toddler. It’d either be go part time, use family/childminder or nursery.

Not all schools have full wrap around care so I suggest you get your partner into the routine of helping with half the logistics now. It could be a lot more challenging when school starts.

I wfh 3 days a week 9-3 and drop one kid at breakfast club at 7.30 and the other to the childminders for 8. It’s impossible to get anything done with my toddler around (he’s just turned 3) and I absolutely hate it when I have no child care and he has to be home while I’m working. You need to source proper childcare if you plan to wfh. And for your own sanity

A good nursery will offer kids dinner and the little ones will only need a snack after at home, so all you need to worry about re food is yourself just as you would after a normal day's work. It may be better to seek fuller time work where you will have more opportunities than to bend yourself to be part-time everything where your husband lives as normal and you find yourself on a lower wage.

I say this as a point of hypocrisy as I did in fact drop a day to go part time, but I did still work and kids went to nursery. It's actually much easier when they're nursery age than when they;re school age.

Currently on maternity leave, returning to work in March, regular 9-5 hours but flexible start/finish if necessary and make up hours outside of core hours. WFH full time.

Prior to mat leave this time around, DD1 (aged 2) was in nursery Mon/Thu/Fri, with her GPs Tues morning and with her GGPs Weds morning - both until roughly 1pm. Tues & Weds afternoons she was with me; she napped for 2 hours during which time I worked and I was able to either work while she was awake and played or complete work with no urgent deadline after she was in bed at night. Nursery is 5 minutes from the house so drop off at 08:55 and pick up at 17:05. My manager aware and happy with the arrangement.

When I go back, DD1 (will be 3 by then) will be doing Mon/Thu/Fri and Weds morning in nursery, and Tues morning with GPs. DD2 (9 months) will be doing Mon/Thu/Fri in nursery and Tues morning with GPs along with DD1. I will have DD2 all day Weds, and both children Tues afternoons.

I'm able to make it work, largely because I can juggle my workload and catch up outside of core hours if necessary. My FIL is also on hand to take the children along with him when he's walking his dogs as well if I'm inundated with work.

I don't have a plan in place yet for when DD1 starts school but will cross that bridge when I get to it. I know I'm very fortunate to have a flexible working arrangement but endeavour to not take liberties so it'll be a case of striking a balance. Personally I don't find it too difficult working while my children are with me.

Consider a career change, childminder? That way you can take care of your child and get paid at the same time by looking after a few more. The pays good.

I job share with a woman who works from home with 2 kids under 4 - it's a nightmare - I am constantly having to work more than my hours to pick up the work she isn't getting done. I want to be supportive but honestly, please don't do this, it doesn't work it just causes stress for everyone and leaves small children bored and miserable.

so just to add it’s hard work but you do what you have to do! My daughter is now an adult 🫣 but I worked pretty much full time all of her life and had to juggle childcare and a very full on job in social care. This was before working from home was a thing… it’s hard work but you will find your way!

Your partner needs to adapt. It’s the 21st century. Make sure you pay your national insurance as you need to have 35 years to get your state pension so women are disadvantaged later on in life. Partner can apply for flexible working. Don’t accept excuses. I know two paramedics who both work long shifts and have to make it work.

It’s a nightmare.

I do backshift so start at 2pm and work late. DH collects children.

I don’t think WFH is realistic.

I think people make it sound much harder than it is. We wake at 7. DH gets ready for work, I chuck sweats on and get up DD and get her ready for nursery. DH works out the house and leaves at 7.20. I leave at 7.25, drop DD at nursery at 7.30, I'm home by 7.35. I then have an hour and a half at home before I need to log on. I can chill, do housework, prep dinner. WFH 9-5.30. Pick up DD 5.35. Shes had all three meals plus snacks at nursery so it's another little snack and a cuddle for an hour, bath at 6.30 and then into bed. Nursery do everything for you. They're our easy days.

@Greeneyegirl I kind of think this too.

I think it only becomes hard if you can't use proper childcare for all of your working hours - for cost or availability reasons

Or if you won't do so - because you feel guilty or something so won't use the full hours. E.g. if you run yourself ragged to pick up at 5 when your nursery is open till 6.

To be honest I found it wasn't really the nursery years that were an issue - except the inevitable illnesses. It was open 51 weeks a year and ours was very flexible (also only £6 an hour). It's KS1 that we have struggled with! 13 weeks school holidays (and inset days) is brutal.

I assume your husband's employer employs women who have children. I'm also assuming that they've had to make their work flexible. Your DH needs to do whatever they're doing.

People at my workplace WFH with toddlers to save money on childcare and it's created so much resentment with the rest of us who are picking up their slack when they're AWOL for half the day. Don't do it!

This entirely, I could have written this myself. Like being on a hamster wheel, constantly running and feeling exhausted. I always worked FT, single parent.
CC costing a fortune, no spare cash etc etc. As PP said, needs must!
Take care of yourself and NO, you can't WFH with a baby/toddler

We had a policy no wfh with under 10 year old children. If you were found out, it’s five days a week in the office.

I assume that's because your childcare availability isn't good.

We honestly don't have huge issues - ours are primary aged. The school wraparound is great, there are plenty of holiday clubs that run 8-9 to 5-6pm, for the insets or Christmas holidays when there is nothing, we take leave

This
Its not possible to work and care for children. No wonder people feel resentful