To ask how you juggle childcare and work?

[Stillgardening9]

will be returning to work next year following on from maternity leave. I am looking for a new job as current job isn’t suitable which is a struggle in itself. Struggling to think about how much of a job it will be to manage childcare and working full time - if I work 9-5 it will be hard going to pick up DC from nursery and then getting home and sorting tea etc. I am hoping to work from home - would it be unreasonable to assume I can look after a toddler whilst I work? Alternatively, I could work 4 days then I could still have an extra day where we can go to playgroup and do things but money is a big factor in this. Could I have your experiences?

Why are you just accepting that your partner doesn't need to parent?

You absolutely cannot wfh with a toddler. WFH is very useful for cutting the commute time though.

Your partner works long hours now, however he has also had a baby and his life needs to change too. I guarantee you the women doing his job work their hours around their children in some form.

Pre covid we were both in the office every day, DH did drop off and I did pick up (mostly). Nowadays I wfh a lot so that makes things easier.

Remember this is not just your problem to solve, the two of you need to work together to come up with a solution. Don't let him pull the Big Important Man Job crap. It's sexist bullshit.

Also remember it's going to be really shit at first but you will hit your stride and it will get easier. Lower your standards wherever possible (except for your standards for your partner to be an involved parent - up those).

I work 3 days (from home). I drop off at 8 and DH collects at 5. We do a lot of batch cooking at the weekend. I whizz round cleaning for 30mins in the morning before I start at 9. DH wfh 2 days and between us we sort washing etc in our lunch breaks. After tea we also sort housework etc.

I worked 3 days a week part time when DD was small and we put her into a nursery round the corner from my work 2 days a week (my Mum had her for the third day which we were v grateful for).

I was lucky to work in a team with flexible hours, so I'd drop her off at 8.45 and be at my desk for 9, then pick her up just after 5 and home by 5.30, then a quick tea, bath and bed. Those days were exhausting and I would have massively struggled doing it 5 days a week.

In hindsight a nursery nearer home would have been better as it got difficult if I was ever off work sick (it also made me 100% responsible for drop offs and pick ups, but DH helped when he could). We didn't have that option unfortunately as we lived in a small village.

She's now at school and I've flexed my hours again to do a mix of working from home and in the office across 4 days instead of 3, so I can do all school drop offs and most pick ups.

I agree with PP you and your DH need to look at this as a team rather than you being completely responsible for it. Good luck!

If you can get a job where you can work from home and the nursery is close to home then, IME, it is manageable. 4 day week is nice as get some quality time with toddler outside of weekends and breaks the week up for the toddler too. If you had a lengthy commute to an office, it would be stressful.

Your DH is going to either have to help, or pick up more of the slack financially if you have to work less hours to fit in drop offs and pick ups.

Both DH and I are FT. I drop them off at 7.30 and head to work, whilst DH goes in early. He then leaves work at 4 so he can pick up by 5. We plan an easy menu during the week so we can eat by 6 and then we have an hour with the kids before showers and bed. Saturdays we ferry to various activities - one does this and the other stays at home and blitzes the washing - Sunday we have quality family time. We have a cleaner and food shop is delivered.

If I had to do both drop offs and pick up I would need to reduce my hours to 28.

You can’t work from home with a toddler IME. When they’re at nursery I think it’s easier as there’s no school holidays etc. you can use your annual leave occasionally for life admin or personal errands. School is harder IMO!

School is logistically harder, but I am at least less knackered. I'll take it.

Yes, that’s fair. I am definitely better rested. This year is my first year of one drop. It was a year of one at school and one at nursery and that was awful.

i also agree with some PP, I do ALL the school/nursey drops and concluded quite quickly I’d need to reduce my hours. Also factor into that that I’m the one who stays home when they’re ill - working PT meant I can shuffle things around and generally get all my hours/days done.

DH and I compress hours so we each have a day off- but we can only do that with grandparent help as we start work before nursery opens and don’t get home until after it closes. I see you don’t have this option. Most nurseries are open 8-6 so you could work 9-5 if you’re at home or have a short commute. For kids in that long they give a small meal in the evening I think so you could just have a little supper once home. If you could work 4 days a week it would be better as it’s very long days if it’s all week.

We go to one drop off next year, and it's walkable. It will be a distinct improvement in quality of life. Cannot. Wait.

Still two pickups though of course. 🙄

Do a search on similar threads and you'll see the partner always has a super important non negotiable job. He'll have to do half or at the very least come up with a workable solution. It's half his problem. Sorry to sound blunt but this comes up so often and in a years time the mother is back asking advice for being a sahm. Half his issue. I didn't have a village but I was the higher earner so he had to step up. If you did his job, what would the solution be ?

I work full time with 3 DC and all I can advise is be organised. Meal plan so during the weekend so you can turn out a meal in under an hour whilst fitting in bathtime for DC.
A Slow cooker helps, also if possible could you start earlier and finish earlier so do 8-4? It makes the mad dash home much easier. I also only cook one meal so DC eat what we do to save time and dinner is at 6pm so we can fit stories and homework in before 7pm bedtime.
It Is tough, but once you find your rhythm it gets easier.

In my job (and most I think) you’d be sacked if found WFH with a young child.

My baby starts nursery next year and I’ll be starting work at 8, my husband will be doing drop off before he starts work at 9, and then I’ll be doing pick up once I finish at half 4 ish.

If there’s just you though most nurseries a full day is 07:30-6:15, so you could do both drop off and pick up around a 9-5

Absolutely no way you'll be able to maintain your job whilst having a toddler at home - it might seem manageable whilst they're babies but trust me it would be impossible when they're more mobile.
As others have mentioned its also usually expressly forbidden in most work contracts so you'd be risking your job too.
If you can find something with a bit of flexibility it can help with managing costs. I work in the office 3 days and then do 1 day from home. My daughter is only in nursery 3 days a week because my WFH workload is flexible, I can do it in the evenings or catch up on the weekend as long as its done in time.
Going from maternity leave back to work was the hardest part of becoming a parent for me. It was such a tough transition, baby needs extra support because of the upset that comes with the new environment, juggling leaving work at 5 on the dot when its not our culture and still feeling like we barely had time in the evening to feed, bond and put baby to bed. It's really draining. But you get into a routine eventually and it gets easier once they're settled into nursery.

In terms of our days off - lots of local play groups are only a few £, the park is free and they love it, just get used to braving the weather because the fresh air helps toddlers soo much.

I agree. You'd be fired working at home with a toddler. Our WFH policy requires you to evidence childcare.

I can get dinner on the table in under half an hour. Air fryers have been revolutionary. Meal prep and slow cookers. Laundry schedule. I prep the dinner whilst making breakfast.

Get a cleaner.

Your partner needs to step up. You both need flexible working requests. That may involve working from home on an evening, compressing your hours to not take lunches and finishing early for pick up FOR BOTH OF YOU. Whatever arrangements you have, get them documented in your contract.

It's hard but nursery hours help working parents. School hours, whole new thing. But you'll be super efficient by then.

This in spades

when they find out … and they will you would (rightly) be fired.

would it be unreasonable to assume I can look after a toddler whilst I work?

Very.
As everyone agrees.
There is no way you should even think of trying to do this.

In terms of how people juggle things.

1. Unless you have a ridiculous commute, then Nurseries and Childminders cover the hours around a 9 - 5 job + commute
2. Your child has two parents. In my world, both of those adults become parents at the same time and both of them look at what they can do to make it work. My dh worked long hours too, when ours were little. As did I. But over the years, we both made adjustments so that we could both get our jobs done and get our dc where they needed to be.
3. Yes, wfh - where your job allows it - can be great. It can mean you save on the commute time, and it can mean (in some roles) you have some flexibility to do some work in the evening to make up hours, if it works better for you to start a bit later or finish a bit earlier. Or, once they get to about 9 or 10 and can be in the house but understand they don't bother you, it can mean a bit less childcare. But you can't wfh with babies / toddlers / small dc.
4. Re food - you prep things in the evening (or get up early in the morning if you are that way inclined). Slow cooker is your friend. Or things like a lasagna where you can prep it all the night before and just bung it in the oven. Or (again, depending on your job) do that in your lunch break and make up the time by starting earlier / finishing later / working in the evening.

Ultimately, it is hard work when you both work, and have children who are dependent on you. But it's what you do.

Impossible to work from home properly with a toddler - not fair on you or them.
You and your husband need to look at all the flexible options and how you can mange the nursery hours and work - it can't all be on you - if it is maybe you need to look at part time options - sometimes the costs work
Out the same when you take into consideration the nursery outgoings! It's not easy!

DH and I alternate drop off and pick ups. No way would it work if it was all put on one of us - we both work full time, demanding jobs. We’re flexible so if we need to change due to something with work we can. For example, I had a team away day the other week which meant an early start and late finish, so DH dropped off and picked up and had to do a shorter day at work, so I returned the favour the next day. Block the time out in your work calendar and call it “nursery run”, and always block it out for an extra 30 mins to allow the time for any crazy morning delay or having to stay a bit longer at nursery/leave work earlier to beat traffic without you stressing you’re missing a meeting.

You can’t wfh with a toddler. I’m sorry OP but you just can’t. You’ll never get through a meeting or be able to take an impromptu call, you’ll constantly have to keep one eye on them to see what they’re doing/putting in their mouth/climbing on, and that’s if they’re not climbing all over you demanding snacks and “mummy play with me” or shrieking in the background. It was common during the pandemic to see kids popping up unannounced over Teams meetings and there was understanding there because of nursery and school closures - that’s not the case now. You’ll never be able to give your toddler your full attention but neither will you be able to give work your full attention either. They’ll both suffer. I can’t even wfh when my child is off sick (he’s 2.5yrs) as even then I have to do all of the above. He had a sickness big a few months back and DH took time off to stay home with him. I worked from our garden room office and he snuck outside to find me and show me a picture he’d drawn. He walked in wearing nothing but a nappy and I was in the middle of a 1-2-1! I was mortified but luckily my manager was lovely about it and said hello to him and asked him to show her his drawing! That’s the only time it’s happened to me and I immediately reassured her that my DH was actually at home and I wasn’t trying to watch DS while working (its a disciplinary in my company).

We both work full time and DS is in nursery. Not going to lie, weekdays are full on. We find if we really focus on DS routine, bedtime and bath etc it helps and he’s much happier. He can get pretty grouchy when he’s tired after nursery so this makes evenings smoother. Meals are always quick and easy - the slow cooker is our go to - so we can spend more time with DS when we get in and still eat a nice meal.

I work 9-5 but dh works 7-3 so I have always done drop off and dh pick up

I find it really interesting OP that one of the first solutions you've come to is to work from home with a toddler rather than your partner stepping up, the latter is so completely impossible and fathomable but employers are supposed to be completely happy with a woman juggling a child and job, literally at the same time. This isn't a criticism of you OP, I see it on here all the time, it's a criticism of society.

It's pretty mental isn't it really...your partner is so important he must be in work, but motherhood and your work are so irrelevant you can juggle those together, I'd take a minute to consider your train of thought. And recommend you change it, and likely your partner's too.

We managed it through sharing the load, flexible working, and paying a shit ton in childcare, even if the "profit" per month was very small because we considered the long term gain over the short term pain.

I couldn't juggle it, childcare costs were almost the same as my salary and I thought hardly worth working for £200 a month. I did some freelance evening and weekend work and made the same and went back full time when my kids were well into primary school. I ignored people telling me the world would come crashing down if I quit my job, I now have a much better job, career and salary than I'd have had without a career break and was glad to have time with my kids without rushing from nursery to school. It's very hard for not enough financial reward

*unfathomable