To ask how you juggle childcare and work?

[Stillgardening9]

will be returning to work next year following on from maternity leave. I am looking for a new job as current job isn’t suitable which is a struggle in itself. Struggling to think about how much of a job it will be to manage childcare and working full time - if I work 9-5 it will be hard going to pick up DC from nursery and then getting home and sorting tea etc. I am hoping to work from home - would it be unreasonable to assume I can look after a toddler whilst I work? Alternatively, I could work 4 days then I could still have an extra day where we can go to playgroup and do things but money is a big factor in this. Could I have your experiences?

You aren't working when the toddler is at home unless another adult is looking after them! You need to look at what childcare is actually available and where it is. Look at journey times and open and close times. You need to allow 5-10 mins for drop off & pick up, and for traffic. So get to nursery when it opens and then get there 10 mins before close, in the worst traffic likely for that journey. That's you longest day. You will probably find that you have to work shorter days than you previously would, if your husband cannot pick up the slack. Also think about sick days etc which are bound to happen when your toddler starts nursery. They aren't generally going to have toddler when he is under the weather, so one of you will need to take time off.

I work term-time, I really can’t imagine our household working if I had to work in the school holidays. It’s like 13 weeks isn’t it? Well, I can imagine it but it does not sound calm or fun.

I work part time and a big proportion is evenings. DH works from home so no commute/can finish an hour early and so as I leave for work he stops work and starts looking after the kids.

After school club one night a week.

Nursery for DD

The childcare provides tea. That’s a non negotiable. Even now mine are at school the after school club provides tea. I cook for me and my husband when I get home around 5.30 but the kids are fed so at least it’s just getting them to bed. I found nursery the less demanding as there was less going on outside of nursery in terms of clubs. Now we have clubs 4 nights a week

Partner does either the drop off or the pickup, or alternate. Don't do both and be a Muppet. Expect equality from the get go!

Honestly it's not possible. I wfh and had my 5 yo off sick one day last week. He drove me up the walls!

When ours were nursery age - we split the pick ups and drop offs. Each had a day off with the kids too

Now they are in school - wraparound care which feeds them, we work full time but compressed hours to finish early one day each which allows us to take the kids to activity.

School holidays are fine - mix of annual leave and clubs

Forced to WFH with a toddler during the pandemic here. Don't do it! Impossible.

Also, my employer has it in the handbook that you can't wfh and look after children.

That toddler is now 8 and had an INSET the other day so I took the day off because I knew if I tried to wfh he would drive me up the wall just as much!

I would have a good look at your finances and think about whether you and or your partner can afford to cut your hours for a lower standard of living. That's what I've done and having not much money is definitely worth it for reduced stress and more time with young children. I work 3 days so have 2 days at home and also work around school hours, making up the time in the evenings.

However, as you aren't married you need to be very careful to maintain financial independence as you have absolutely no security if you relationship breaks down. Make sure your partner shares money on a fair basis if you are sacrificing earnings for childcare. Make sure your house is in joint names. Keep up your pension payments

Both me and my partner dropped to 4 days a week (me 80% FTE, him compressed hours). Meant we only needed 3 days a week of nursery, which was open 8-6 (although we used it more 9.30 to 6). Generally I did morning drop offs, partner did pick ups. But a lot of flexibility was required. Me dropping to 3 days a week was never an acceptable option for me as I did not want to be the default parent and the one taking the career hit.

Husband drops kids for 8am and as soon as nursery is open

i requested to change my hours to 8-4.30 so I can have them picked up and home by 5 most days
and I only work 4 days

your partner needs to step up and sort out either drop off or pick up really

i can't even work in the same house as my kids tbh let alone also look after them and work - it’s too distracting

we’ve had days where a child is sick and we’ve both muddled through the day tag teaming a bit of work and childcare - it’s not easy and those are the worse days

You cannot work from home with a toddler. In fact, you can't work from home with a kid until they are at least 7 or so, and even then, only if you are very relaxed about screen time. So don't even go there.

You need a very good nursery with extended hours, and backup childcare when your little one is unwell. Which they will be all the time in the first few months of nursery. It truly takes a village to get through the early years.

You need childcare. I am unable to WFH but thankfully work 9-5 with a 20 min commute. I'm by myself. I'm lucky that nursery is round the corner from my house.

8.15 drop 1yr old at nursery. Walk home, car 10 min drive for 8.30 drop 6yr old at school (breakfast club)
Leave work at 5, collect 6yr old from afterschool club, usually at nursery for 5.35.

I have an air fryer and slow cooker which speeds up weeknight tea time. Usually we're sitting down to eat just after 6pm.

It's a long day for the baby. I work part time so have a day off with him a week and those days we walk the 6yr old to school and collect at the end of the day.

It's the evening clubs that are tricky. I tend to share lifts to/from things with other parents who know my situation and are usually happy for me to do drop off - then they pick up and that means I can get baby to bed. Not sure how that will work when he is a bit older!

It's a massive juggle

And this is why WFH gets a bad name. People thinking they can combine working with childcare.

We picked a nursery that opens at 7.30 that's near us and we're all early risers so it works for us to get up and out in the morning. We both start work about 8 and plan drop offs according to who is where that day. I tend to do 8 until 4 or 4.30 so most of the pick ups I do. DH does pick ups where I have to stay late, and he can always finish work later in the evening if required. He's a director so can plan his own time outside of meetings. I do 4 days so have that extra 1 on 1 time with DS and DH is full time. We both do 2 days in the office remainder at home. It's hard work and by the end of the week we're tired, but fine! Home days are handy for putting a wash on during a coffee break and doing slightly longer hours as there's no commute.

My dh works very long hours too.

He still does his share of drop offs / collections / sick days. He does more in winter as he is freer then and I do more in summer as my work is less busy in the summer.

I echo the others, you cannot work from home with a toddler. Is there a reason why you can look at the days/ hours you work and not your husband? Can he not do some drop offs and pick ups?

Nursery 7:30 to 6 here. So I went down to 4 days as it's a VERY long day for a little one. They get tea there though so no frantic tea afterwards. DH and I eat after they are in bed - 8pm ish for our meal.

Lots of different ways of making childcare work though. You'll get there.

Most work places that offer hybrid or home working will have a policy in place that stipulates that you must have appropriate childcare in place during your working hours. They’ll overlook it for the odd occasion if childcare falls through but it’s not sustainable, my child is a bit older (7) and I’d say I can’t wfh with him there, always popping in for a chat/cuddle.

Your partner needs to do his half. Why would yot accept less from him?

No, you absolutely cannot WFH with a toddler

Needs to be a shared arrangement with your partner.

What was his plan for fitting his parenting responsibilities around his work?

If his plan was that you would do it……a new plan is needed. He can ask the women working in his industry or a similar one how they manage.

My DH and I were both lucky to wfh one day a week at our own parents homes while dc was small, so our parents did childcare, but they didn't have to travel, and we were on-site to assist if anything urgent or unexpected. Also very lucky to find an excellent nursery 10 mins walk from home. So it was a combination of favours, luck and juggling really.
You absolutely cannot wfh while you are in sole charge of a toddler, you'll do both tasks badly and feel crap about it.

This. It only works if one of you does drop off and the other does pick up on the days they go to nursery.
And you definitely can't work with a child at home, you will end up resenting him and it will create lots of issues at work, and the child itself will have developmental delays from being alone and neglected all day.

Your husband will need to adapt! If he was a woman he would find a way... if he was a single parent he would find a way.... So, he needs to do drop offs a few days a week (in my experience when people work long hours, drop offs are easier to manage than pickups).
Or, he needs to earn enough that you don't need to work. But if he doesn't, he needs to pull his weight with the childcare.

My primary school age children are in wraparound as I wouldn't attempt to work whilst looking after them, nevermind a toddler half their age.

As others say can't look after a toddler whilst you work. You won't be working or you won't be looking after your kid properly.

Childcare can provide tea so that's what we have. We've got no issues picking kids at 5:30pm and in bed by 8pm after some games and a bath. When younger I dropped to 4 days and had a fun day together as felt 5 days is far too much for an under 3 but it was personal choice