To ask how you juggle childcare and work?

[Stillgardening9]

will be returning to work next year following on from maternity leave. I am looking for a new job as current job isn’t suitable which is a struggle in itself. Struggling to think about how much of a job it will be to manage childcare and working full time - if I work 9-5 it will be hard going to pick up DC from nursery and then getting home and sorting tea etc. I am hoping to work from home - would it be unreasonable to assume I can look after a toddler whilst I work? Alternatively, I could work 4 days then I could still have an extra day where we can go to playgroup and do things but money is a big factor in this. Could I have your experiences?

Nurseries provide tea so you won’t need to do that after pick-up. Just pick up at 5:30, home, snack, bath at 6:30, bed at 7. That’s what we do. You’re very lucky you can work from home so don’t need to factor in commute time.

agree with everyone else that your husband needs to ask for flexibility a couple of days a week.

In short: if youneed to do all drop offs and all pickups, then it can be manageable IF you're working mostly from home and your nursery is very close to home. Otherwise you'll really struggle (it's doable but it's really tough, and for many years).

Also, consider that your DC might have a hard time at drop offs for months (if not for years) so doing all drop offs yourself it will be also emotionally very draining. Kids tend to react better if dads drop them off.

So apart from logistics, your DP should really commit to either drop offs or pickups.

You can't do both unfortunately. I have recently left my job to become a childminder as it means I can wfh and look after my LG too.

You can absolutely not work and look after a toddler it’s the hardest stage they demand every second of your attention. Even going for a wee alone is impossible lol. You need to arrange some form of childcare. You should get 30 hours free though if working full time

Nope. You cannot look after a toddler and work. There is a reason that being a stay at home parent is a job. Doing it when children are sick is hard enough as an occasional one off. Get a nursery/childminder, or you'll be one of the threads here complaining that your company wants to fire you as your child is distracting you during work hours. Get used to having simple dinners, meal prep at weekends, cook some fresh, trade off who the cook is, some nights have leftovers etc. If you need to work for income you make peace fairly quickly with the 5pm - 7/8pm child time. It is a transition going back.

When it was time for me to return to work after maternity leave with my first I did cleaning in the evenings once my husband came home from work.
It meant we were like ships passing in the night during the week but we tagged teamed it so I worked 16 hours a week spread over 4 evenings starting at 5.00pm.
it meant I was home all day husband started earlier (7am) so he could get back at 4.00.
I had friends that didn’t go back to their jobs or ones that decided to pick up shifts at supermarkets, the early morning pickers for online orders, or a long shift twice a week with one day to include a Sat and one friends husband switched to night shifts so he was available during the days she worked.
It is a juggling act, with our youngest I decided to stay in my daytime job and returned after maternity leave and used a childminder.

Hired a nanny but it’s expensive.

I don't work a Monday and spend time with child. Tuesday and Wednesday theyre with family. Thursday and Friday they go to nursery. I drop off at 7.30, come home to get ready, work from home 9-5.30 (but sometimes go to the office) and then pick up 5.45. they have breakfast, snack, lunch and dinner at nursery. Most nurseries have this option and are open 7.30 - 5.30.

You can’t realistically work from home and look after a toddler. Both your job and the toddler will suffer for it.

My husband and I both work 4 long days per week (8-6). Our child is at nursery two days a week and with grandparents one day. Grandparents also help with nursery pick up one day a week. We juggle pick up and drop offs by working our lunch breaks and into the evenings sometimes (our jobs are sufficiently flexible to allow this). It’s very hard and exhausting, even though we get a lot of family help.

I changed my hours to 10am - 4pm five days a week. Doesn't make much financial sense as the nursery fees are effectively full time for part time working. BUT it makes a huge difference to the balance between work and home. I can do drop offs every day, squeeze in a few chores and get ahead of the meal prep before pick up. My DH and I alternate between school and nursery runs. We have two DDs going to different places. Works well for us.

WFH really helps with household stuff, you can use your lunch break to prep dinner or do some cleaning. I WFH full time but if the toddler is at home I have to take leave, can't do both.

We hired a part-time nanny to do pick ups and go to the playground, museum etc. and do dinner. But we live in a country with heavily subsidised nursery, in the UK it would probably not be affordable to do both nursery and nanny.

And you really need to alternate with your partner if you both work full time, it can't all fall to one of you.

OP, as a single mum, I managed by using a childminder who lived half way between my home and my office.

I dropped ds off at 8.45 and was at my desk at 9. Then left work at 5.30 and collected him at 5.45.

It worked well, I was nearby if ds was poorly, and he loved having playmates his own age.

You can't wfh and care for a child, like others have said. But you can wft and do a lot of tiny chores, tidying up, basic food prep etc. Obviously depends on the job but in my case, I am just as productive in a meeting if I fold laundry or sit at my desk. So win-win. Plus you save on commute time with wfh so it's still useful.
Can you find something with very late or very early hours? My partner starts at 6am but is home by 2.30. I do the drop off and pick up my little one at 1 (so only 1/2 day for her). I use an longer lunch to spend some time with her until her dad gets home. Then I work in the afternoon while they play.

You need something flexible - that's the key. My job is 35hours a week but I look after my own diary. I drop my children to school then start my day (wfh but also out in the community). I pause working to pick my children up and then carry on once they are in bed if needed.

Of course she can do both. Plenty of people do.

You cannot do a job and look after a toddler at the same time I tried you work suffers 100% and your stressed to the max. Def not worth it. It's better the child is in childcare.

We had DD in Creche near the office while she was small - it was a lot easier for her to commute with us and if there were traffic issues, she was with us not leaving staff fretting about us not turning up for hours (that happened a few times that we were hours getting home). And it meant the very odd time we needed to, she came into the office after Creche for a short while so I could finish something off. And we were close by if she got ill during the day (happened a few times early on).

She went in on DH's bike once she was about 15 months old (she was in Creche at 5 months as I only got 14 weeks off and added 4 more unpaid), but by car before that, and home by car with me until she was 2.5, when I shifted to buses again.

I left things ready in the morning to cook dinner as soon as I got in. We sometimes stopped en route for dinner or a snack if the traffic was that bad.

No way could I have worked with her around my feet on a permanent basis. It was tough enough on the days she was sick and I was juggling. And there will be plenty of sick days for lots of reasons.

She's now a very independent and confident 18 year old who taught half her secondary school class how to use the bus in 1st year, and who is living in Amsterdam for university and coming back home frequently for national squad training in her sport. And also works very hard on everything she decides to do as she sees the value of that hard work.

You need your DH to drop off - dont let him shirk this or you will end up doing everything for your child while he does sweet FA. WFH is great for helping get washing etc done.

I thought you meant she can’t go back to work full time, given your comment about leaving your job.

I used to get an earlier start as DH dropped, he stayed later as I collected, and we juggled diaries to cover each other whenever she got sick. Creche was open 8-6, and she was normally there 8:15 to 5ish, but not uncommon to be nearer 6 at particular crunch times.

Agreed.

Too many men seem to swerve this by ‘he works long hours’. Sure, some jobs are genuinely incompatible with childcare hours, but more often than not the man just isn’t willing to make the adjustments. And it’s not good enough.

My DH has a ‘big job’. He still makes adjustments to accommodate his family.

would it be unreasonable to assume I can look after a toddler whilst I work?

I’m presuming you know the answer to this now!

I am looking for a new job as current job isn’t suitable which is a struggle in itself.

What is your job now and why is it unsuitable? If the answer is ‘because I need childcare’ then you are no different to 95% of people with kids. Most people need childcare, yes. The chances of finding a job where you don’t need any are pretty slim.

I def didn't explain myself well doing to much at once. I did it for 4 years and hated it the stress of work and cost of childcare and look after LO when wfh was too much.

I mention my decision to leave as OP mentioned trying to find a new job I thought I could be something she could consider. Would mean she could work from home and not have to worry about work suffering or childcare. 😊

WFH and a toddler not a goer, I'm afraid.

I would recommend going for working 4 days if you can, it's a nicer pace. Doesn't necessarily work out cheaper but it's a better balance.

Evenings are tiring with small kids, there's no two ways about it. Is your husband helpful when he is around? Will he ever be around for DC's bedtime? If so do not let him come home and flop on the sofa and go 'Oh I am sooooo tired, I just need to collapse!' every evening; in fact that's so even if he's back later. He needs to get home and ask what you need from him, or even better know what you need from him and do it. You are working all day too.

What sort of job does your DH do and why isn't he looking for a job that is suitable to work alongside being a parent, if his current role is truly completely inflexible?