To think work Xmas parties should start in work hours?

[ByTidyHelper]

Just as the title says really. Our work Xmas party doesn't start til 6:30pm this year in London which is a 1hr commute for me each way. I really think work Xmas parties should start in work hours e.g. 3 or 4pm as this would be so much better for those with families who could attend at the start for a couple of hours and then go home.

I'm probably not going to mine this year just due to the fact it starts in the evening and I cannot be bothered to get back home late and have to figure out what we do with my kids bedtime etc (they are in a phase of meltdown mode unless mummy is putting them to bed so would be tough on my husband to have to deal with this solo).

What do you think? AIBU to expect work Xmas parties to start in work hours?

Work hours are for work. Christmas do is recreation (as long as attendance isn’t mandatory)

YABU to want your employer to organise itself differently because your husband can’t put his own children to bed without it being “extremely chaotic and stressful.”

It’s one night, they are his kids. I’m sure he can rise to that challenge.

Christ, the bar is low for some men.

Plus you haven't seen how bedtime goes down at the moment - we share our responsibilities in other ways as I'm doing most bedtimes right now and my husband doing this solo would certainly result in lots of screaming, crying and false starts just because of how our kids are right now. You know....because they are very young kids and they tend not to be super rational or reasonable with some of the things they throw tantrums about. That's kind of their thing. Sure my husband could do it without me but it would be an extremely stressful and chaotic evening for him until I got home most likely so pardon me for thinking of him!

OP, that’s a load of self-indulgent twaddle. They do this because you indulge them with it, do they know they can. While young kids are not rationale/reasonable it doesn’t mean you let them hold you to ransom with their behaviour.

DH and I shared parenting responsibilities (worked different days/shifts around each other so usually only ever one home while kids were awake). Sure, they always tried the ‘I want [insert name of parent not home because they were at work] to put them to bed/get them dressed in morning/clean teeth/take them to swimming lessons etc etc’. Sometimes they even tried to put in a fine display, simply to try and prove they had some power over what happens in their life presumably. No one quit work or if short staffed said they weren’t pulling a double at no notice, because needs must, because little Jimmy decided they want only mum/dad to clean their teeth as their flavour of the week. That’s utterly ridiculous. Little Jimmy is told in no uncertain terms they get who they get and their fuss will make no difference and trying to hold parents hostage via that behaviour won’t be tolerated let alone get you exactly what you want as a perverse reward.

@ByTidyHelper

im sure your husband can manage for one night OP! Get out and enjoy yourself! 😀🥂

YANBU. We don't do this for our christmas party but we do for our twice yearly team social. The event starts after lunch and then people who have far to travel or have childcare responsibilities leave at 5, while others stay as long as they like. It works really well as it means everyone comes and has a great time from 2-5pm, and only those who are interested/able to turn it into a heavier drinking session carries on.

Obviously it doesn't work in some jobs, like teachers, but for office jobs it works really well.

I work until 5pm and I still have deadlines until at least 4pm before I can safely leave my laptop unless someone else is covering me. So, no not everyone can run off at 3pm for a party.

Can you imagine shops closing early because the staff wants to be sociable?

For years I left the party after the dinner was over, maybe stayed for one more drink, I was home not later than 10.30-11pm depending where the venue was. Once in a blue moon that is perfectly possible.

What @JingleB and @HoppingPavlova have said.

Also, what would happen if (god forbid) you were poorly or needed to stay in hospital for any period of time or had a family emergency?

Of course he can put the kids to bed himself - what absolute tripe.

I work in a school too.

Today the team of social workers who pick up the safeguarding calls from schools across the county are on a team building day. Thankfully they've given details as to who to ring in any emergencies.

The rumour is that they're having a team building morning then a big lunch, marking the start of their Christmas party beginning.

Hats off to them for the hard job they do, but these sorts of roles should not be having their Christmas party in work hours. Lots of professionals are unable to do so.

I can just imagine the angst if the supermarket decided to do their Xmas party during working hours. Sorry Tesco is closed this afternoon so they can have a celebration together.
Cue the wails of but its the only free time I have to shop how dare they.

I think my company (big global company) handles it quite well. Party for the whole building (multiple teams) starts at 3.30 with free food and drink and entertainment, and finishes by 8.30/9.00. I am sure lots of teams go on afterwards individually, but it means people can come at the start/towards the end as they like and still take part. They try and encourage people to commute by train that day, but always remind people not to drink too much if they are driving and have a huge supply of soft drinks and non alcoholic beer available.

OK also just to add - my work is corporate advertising - agency vibes. Client lunches, Friday drinks, those sorts of things are the norm. Hence why it shouldn't be highly difficult to organise an Xmas party that starts at 4pm on a Thurs or Fri and the reason for my post. I'm not someone working in a shop which would mean there is no staff available for us to go out to a lunch in work hours etc. Everyone has emails on their phone. We would be fine.

With your update, I definitely am surprised!

Are there many parents in your workplace?

God no, if it started in work time then people would be obligated to attend.

I like to be able to opt out!

@Greatbritish if they're doing that, likelihood is it'll come off their TOIL. I used to do that job and tended to accrue around 500hrs a year (only knew because it was mandatory to complete online timesheets even if permanent)
I don't really think an afternoon and an early finish once a year is something to gripe about - remember they'll be working over Christmas when you have your time off...

Its definitely more non parents than parents so I get it, im the minority. But both of the people in our agency HR team are parents and they organise the do which is what really surprises me. I know one of them isn't going herself due to family commitments which says it all really lol!

It doesn't really matter what "vibes" it is (I don't know what this means). It's a business (I assume) and they want a social event to start outside of works time. I really don't get what your problem is. You don't want to go so just don't go! You can't make a company reconsider their Xmas party start time for the sake of one person who has a toddler and an incompetent husband 🙄

I once had a work part that started at lunchtime and it was so messy. One woman got so, so drunk, behaved like a massive twat and got fired the next day 😬. Well, maybe fired is a slight exaggeration - she was a contractor and they terminated her contract the morning after the messy party and she only had till the end of the week. She really did behave badly though, and don't think they had a lot of choice!

Like pps earlier in the thread, I think big piss up work parties might be a thing of the past. Work culture has changed so much in the past ten years or so. It used to be so much boozier. We used to have lunch and a glass of wine in the middle of the day 😂

I don't even drink now, but in those days it was so much part of the work culture. I'm not sure what changed. Maybe covid and just more awareness around alcohol and how bad it is for you

Thanks for your charming and sensitive input

She definitely doesn't even want to go - if she's organising it and wanted to attend she would make sure she arranged it for a time she could go!

I think you need to let your husband get in with it and have a good time at the party

Why do I have to be charming or sensitive? I'm being honest. It's a business at the end of the day. You work for them and they set the rules. If you can't attend something because of your own family commitments then that's not their problem!

I agree. In the 70's we used to start drinking at our desks in the afternoon. Just to get in the swing.

I haven’t been to one in years (remote WFH jobs) but in my first proper job everyone would finish at 12 on whatever Friday in December it was, all head for the bar they’d hired, have a load of free food and drink and carry on as long as you wanted, some of us all night and others could slope off early evening back to family. It was awesome!

Yeah that sounds absolutely ideal!! Tbh I wouldn't care as much if our immediate team was doing a little team lunch another day or something but we aren't so the big total company party is the only social Xmas occasion there is and sadly I will probably have to skip it as can't hack a late night at the moment without tipping myself over the edge of sleep deprivation.

I cannot abide the stories of "i can never be out at bed time because hubby cant cope"

It gives me the rage