Page 5 | People in my house just use my stuff and don’t take me seriously if I tell them nicely!!

Newname85 · 2024-12-04T00:15:56+00:00

I am tired and fed up. If my husband/kids don’t find their stuff, they just use my things! I end up not finding stuff when I need and unnecessary stress of searching. They just don’t seem to understand if I tell them nicely, so - once in a few month I lose it. I end up shouting at people and they all blame each other. It’s impacting my health. I’m lying in bed because I’m so stressed. My heartbeat is still high from all the shouting. I’m so fed up. How do I resolve this? should I just leave them all and go live somewher else!?

Calliopespa · 04/12/2024 22:02

TangerinePlate · 04/12/2024 20:53

Stationery and stuff could be bought in bulk…

By whom?By people going to use the stuff only to discover it’s not there when needed as it got legs and walked away?

Literally you can have dozens of pair of scissors or pencils or sellotapes but it will never be enough.Bottomless pit. Nobody saw it,nobody took it.

Then obviously it was my problem as I was making a fuss over nothing.

Eventually learned to keep it hidden. Watched XH getting frustrated in the evening as there’s no parcel tape in the cupboard(again) and he needs to pack up the parcel to send it on the way to work. No opened shops nearby. But it was ok for me to replenish 4 pack of sellotape only to find it gone when I needed it.

Sundae spoons- he never touched them (the only ones long enough to stir his coffee cup)

Don’t get me started on the rest of stuff. So many times asked for replenishment or some communication that something has been used up. Nope.Could speak to the wall with the same effect.

Thank fuck he’s XH now and I don’t have to deal with it.

Quite honestly there comes a point when there are enough of those things.

We have six pairs of scissors and there is generally at least one pair where you expect it to be. Sometimes all of them! Sometimes just one and you think I wonder where the others are but it’s a “move on” kind of moment. How much would extra scissors, glue , tweezers and socks cost?Not enough to be worth the fury of not supplementing.

EuclidianGeometryFan · 04/12/2024 22:18

Start by tackling DH's attitude.
Fight fire with fire. I like the suggestion upthread that you leave toenail clippings on his desk or pillow or somewhere his.
Then keep it up. Every time something is missing, hide or move something of his and deny all knowledge, even if it was likely the kids not him - he needs to feel the pain then he might start tackling the DC lack of respect and laziness.

Yes this kind of selfish thoughtlessness and disrespect is infuriating. I could not live with it.

KnigCnut · 04/12/2024 22:19

mathanxiety · 04/12/2024 20:41

If they don't care and don't have the emotional intelligence (disagree on both counts) then the alternative is to make sure they would rather chew off an arm than take and use any of your stuff without asking, and without putting it back.

It is not normal for children and another grown adult to be so disrespectful. The children are getting this from their dad. He's shown his true colours.

It is 100% normal for children to return things to the place they are kept if the person who owns them is willing to punish those who don't and to make good any destruction of property.

This is how you make sure you bring up functioning and self-respecting adults.

Show quote history

If you are punishing children for not putting things back, what do you do when they actually do something wrong? I grew up in a household where I was punished for every minor mistake. It has done no end of damage to my self esteem, so no, this is not the way to bring children up.

CrazyAndSagittarius · 04/12/2024 22:20

That would drive me fucking insane OP.

Whiteskies · 04/12/2024 23:55

Men who shout are rightly lambasted on MN but there are posters on here who love to parade the fact that they, and I quote, go 'apeshit ' at their kids or boast about regularly screaming at their husbands and families.

Original poster

Newname85 · 05/12/2024 07:14

endofthecorridoor · 04/12/2024 20:35

I appreciate your family are being a pain and disrespectful however it's you that is suffering
Things like socks and stationary and scissors can be bought in bulk
It's easier to buy the kids a ton of cheap socks and have a spares cupboard where toothpaste you bought in the sales etc is kept so they get it from there rather than your room
Pick your battles it's not worth the stress

They have everything. They just have to get them from somewhere else in the house.

OP posts:

PrimalLass · 05/12/2024 07:15

This is normal family life.

AgnesX · 05/12/2024 07:18

Such are the joys of a family life and probably familiar to a lot of people.

I'm not sure what the solution is. Lock your stationery away and just try not to get too upset especially where scissors are concerned.

TheSilkWorm · 05/12/2024 07:23

YANBU! I'm not sure why people are minimising the annoyance of other people taking stuff and not putting it back. It's infuriating! I also understand the socks thing. I don't do this myself but I hate wearing socks so I only put them on to walk the dog (on a WFH day) so I can see that it would make sense to put them back in my shoes after 45 minutes of wear ready for tomorrow. I'm wasteful because I always put them in the wash 🤷🏼‍♀️

WinterBones · 05/12/2024 07:24

this isn't entirely an 'ask before using' thing though, a lot of this is 'not putting it back when you're finished'

Scissors/tape always go walkies here, i'm just as guilty, but if i left them somewhere and forgot, its my own fault.

The toothpaste thing is bizarre, are your kids incapable of telling you when its getting low, or are you too terribly busy to take 2 seconds once a week to check it? Or you know. ask them?

bigkidatheart · 05/12/2024 07:30

mamajong · 04/12/2024 16:24

Have you misread meditation as medication? I would never suggest medicating someone, I'm not a doctor! However the level of rage seems disproportionate (imo) and is clearly causing the OP distress so meditation could be a reasonable tool to help with that. I have acknowledged it's frustrating but if in the right age bracket perimenopause is worth exploring as it is a common cause of disproportionate rage.

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Sorry, yes, I did not have my glasses on lol read it as medication

Also signed off an email yesterday, kind retards 😂

leafybrew · 05/12/2024 07:43

LanyardLou · 04/12/2024 08:13

People have such low standards on MN! Why shouldn’t the Op be frustrated? It’s affecting her day to day life and work. There is no respect for her from her family. Expect better!

Because it sounds very petty. A lot of people have more important concerns... It doesn't really display 'low standards' FFS

leafybrew · 05/12/2024 07:45

Plus if you want low standards - how about washing your socks twice a week 😳

TheSilkWorm · 05/12/2024 07:47

leafybrew · 05/12/2024 07:43

Because it sounds very petty. A lot of people have more important concerns... It doesn't really display 'low standards' FFS

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Are people only allowed to be upset by important things? And not irritated by repeated minor annoyances?

LanyardLou · 05/12/2024 07:59

leafybrew · 05/12/2024 07:43

Because it sounds very petty. A lot of people have more important concerns... It doesn't really display 'low standards' FFS

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Oh it does. When your family repeatedly use your stuff, lose your property, despite you asking nicely, it’s just disrespectful. It’s taking someone for granted, and a role that women fall into. It’s the same low standards that men take advantage of and women are stuck in shit relationships. Encouraged by others saying they are being ‘petty’ etc.

Women need to expect more from they families.

And fyi it’s possible to worry about big things and smaller things simultaneously. Humans are clever like that.

LanyardLou · 05/12/2024 08:06

PrimalLass · 05/12/2024 07:15

This is normal family life.

For you maybe!

In our house we are thoughtful to each other. I am having breakfast with my 20y son and read him the OP’s posts. He said it all sounds really weird. Why would you just take your mum’s toothpaste and stationery? And why wouldn’t you apologise if you did take something and forgot to return it?!

We have a close and loving family and enjoy our fun times together. We are not perfect but we definitely have mutual respect and kindness.

leafybrew · 05/12/2024 12:23

@LanyardLou congrats on being so great,

Interestingly we also have fun and happy times in our family.

But I don't lose my absolute shit and shout/scream at family members when they have borrowed some scissors or left the lid off a tube of toothpaste.

Plus I don't feel a need to patronise strangers on the internet - unless of course - they do it first...

.And fyi it’s possible to worry about big things and smaller things simultaneously. Humans are clever like that.

leafybrew · 05/12/2024 12:25

@TheSilkWorm yes - you are definitely allowed to have minor irritations. But maybe not scream and shout about it as that does seem over the top - which is the point I was trying to make.

LanyardLou · 05/12/2024 13:22

leafybrew · 05/12/2024 12:23

@LanyardLou congrats on being so great,

Interestingly we also have fun and happy times in our family.

But I don't lose my absolute shit and shout/scream at family members when they have borrowed some scissors or left the lid off a tube of toothpaste.

Plus I don't feel a need to patronise strangers on the internet - unless of course - they do it first...

.And fyi it’s possible to worry about big things and smaller things simultaneously. Humans are clever like that.

And I don’t swear online. We are clearly very different people and have different expectations as to how family members treat each other. 🤷🏼‍♀️

GettingThemFromHereToThere · 06/12/2024 20:04

mathanxiety · 04/12/2024 20:41

If they don't care and don't have the emotional intelligence (disagree on both counts) then the alternative is to make sure they would rather chew off an arm than take and use any of your stuff without asking, and without putting it back.

It is not normal for children and another grown adult to be so disrespectful. The children are getting this from their dad. He's shown his true colours.

It is 100% normal for children to return things to the place they are kept if the person who owns them is willing to punish those who don't and to make good any destruction of property.

This is how you make sure you bring up functioning and self-respecting adults.

Show quote history

Or chill out? Most kids are selfish at times and most grow up to be responsible adults.

PrimalLass · 06/12/2024 20:37

PrimalLass
This is normal family life.

For you maybe!

In our house we are thoughtful to each other. I am having breakfast with my 20y son and read him the OP’s posts. He said it all sounds really weird. Why would you just take your mum’s toothpaste and stationery? And why wouldn’t you apologise if you did take something and forgot to return it?!

We have a close and loving family and enjoy our fun times together. We are not perfect but we definitely have mutual respect and kindness.

How ridiculous to insinuate that because my teenage daughter nicks my stuff we are not a loving family 😂 . She's 16! Teenagers are selfish - it's my job as her parent to a) understand that and b) bitch at her about it so she knows that it might be annoying when she lives with someone who isn't her mum.

PrimalLass · 06/12/2024 20:38

Massive formatting fail there. Mumsnet please sort it so we can quote quoted posts.