People in my house just use my stuff and don’t take me seriously if I tell them nicely!!

[Newname85]

I am tired and fed up. If my husband/kids don’t find their stuff, they just use my things! I end up not finding stuff when I need and unnecessary stress of searching.

They just don’t seem to understand if I tell them nicely, so - once in a few month I lose it. I end up shouting at people and they all blame each other. It’s impacting my health.

I’m lying in bed because I’m so stressed. My heartbeat is still high from all the shouting. I’m so fed up. How do I resolve this?

should I just leave them all and go live somewher else!?

What age are you? Is peri creeping in....

I would also have the rage if my stuff was interfered with. That's why I live alone.

I'd lock my bedroom door and your bathroom door (maybe it's ensuite) every single time. Rage at DH about his hairs, ugh that would freak me out.

The rest is just life I think. I have a "crap" drawer where everything useless is stored, but I think it's useful. Until I go to find that one thing....

I am upset just reading this! If anyone in my house misused my lovely fabric scissors I would be so angry.

Feels like an overreaction. Why is the kitchen scissors yours and not the families? I have about 7 pairs because everyone uses them.

Nonsense.

It would drive me batty and I think everyone should be respectful of everyone else's things. This has nothing whatsoever to do with perimenopause and nor does it indicate a need for medication. It DOES indicate a need for others to respect my things. By that I mean no taking without asking me first, putting the item straight back after use if I allowed it to be borrowed, etc. No helping yourself.

This!

It is also hugely controlling, to me, to say that things like scissors and stationery items are 'mine' and to get your own. I would hate to live in a household where I had to ask permission every time I wanted to use something. It must be so suffocating for the rest of the family to live with.

I guess because in many of our homes it’s just stuff, not womens’ stuff. When I bought ( if it even was me who bought them) household scissors, they were just that: household scissors. I don’t think of them as mine.

And I steal DH’s socks when wearing wellies as they come further up my leg. So I don’t see it as an assault on womankind.

I don't understand how it's "disgusting" for your daughter to wear socks you later say are not dirty as you've barely worn them.

If you don't want her to take stuff explain to her the real reason why, she probably doesn't take it seriously at the moment as she knows full well your socks aren't disgusting.

Have you misread meditation as medication? I would never suggest medicating someone, I'm not a doctor! However the level of rage seems disproportionate (imo) and is clearly causing the OP distress so meditation could be a reasonable tool to help with that. I have acknowledged it's frustrating but if in the right age bracket perimenopause is worth exploring as it is a common cause of disproportionate rage.

You don't get to decide that my opinion is nonsense. What is nonsense is not knowing the difference between medication, which I have NOT suggested, and meditation which is a very useful tool for managing emotional outbursts.

I fully acknowledge that it's frustrating but in my opinion, which I am entitled to, is that based on the post, the level of rage is disproportionate, something which is common in perimenopause and is worth exploring if it hasn't been considered.

The beauty of munsnet is you can get a range of different responses and ideas to help manage situations, presumably that's the point of posting. You are just as welcome to your opinion as I am to mine, but please don't accuse me of things I haven't said.

(I’m not a housewife. I work full time - so I don’t have the time to look for missing things, close other peoples toothpaste lids and clean up after people trimming beards on my dressing table)

I'm currently a sahm to a child with additional needs. It's still not my job to find missing things and clean up after others. Simple respect and independence.

Seems like a list of stuff for stocking fillers.

I could not get so upset over such things. Make sure you are creating space for you xx

It really isn't.
It's normal to ASK before borrowing not just take things
Kitchen scissors put a padlock through the finger/ thumb holes and lock .
Get a lockable cabinet for everything else

@Ihateslugs

I was brought up in a household where Mum's dressmaking scissors were sacred and it was more than anyone's life was worth to use them for anything.
I endeavoured to instill the same values in my own family........ but my dressmaking scissors are put away out of sight to discourage random acts of thoughtlessness.

As for the OP, it's not particularly that the kitchen scissors are "hers", just that they are the kitchen scissors and they need to stay in the kitchen because she needs to use them there: it's intensely irritating to have to go and scour the house for something that someone else has borrowed and not put away.

As per my previous post my fabric scissors have a padlock on them

It was a standing joke in my family that I bought a keypad safe to put in my wardrobe. Inside it? Sellotape and dispenser, scissors, pens, my hairbrushes, and my make up bag. If we'd ever been burgled, they would have been seriously pissed off on cracking it open.

It's still there now, many years on and is used to put the grandchildren's treats in so DH doesn't take them all. Sigh.

Bingo! Problem solved.

I have very, very few stipulations. Using my stuff without asking is the only hard and accepted as I will go postal.

I "borrowed" the X box for work for a week last time.

Well the beard hair thingies gross, I grant you that, but I really don't get why you are so worked up about the other stuff.

Don't you just make sure there is a tube of toothpaste in each bathroom?

Scissors have a life of their own and are always wondering off somewhere. Get a few more pairs.

Maybe lock your deskddrawer to keep stationary safe.

But your reaction sounds so OTT. How prolonged was this shouting thatiit made your heart race?

This gave me angry flashbacks.
My husband once couldn’t find his stand mirror in the bathroom whilst getting ready for work and instead opened my beautiful large jewellery chest to use the mirror inside then shaved DIRECTLY into it making no attempt or effort to clean up after himself at all. No matter how much I hoovered it there will be stubble floating around forever now.

Absolutely disgusting. Both the act itself and the complete lack of respect

Why should I be the one to make sure there is toothpaste in the other bathroom? Kids know where the toothpaste is - so does my DH.

I appreciate your family are being a pain and disrespectful however it's you that is suffering
Things like socks and stationary and scissors can be bought in bulk
It's easier to buy the kids a ton of cheap socks and have a spares cupboard where toothpaste you bought in the sales etc is kept so they get it from there rather than your room
Pick your battles it's not worth the stress

If they don't care and don't have the emotional intelligence (disagree on both counts) then the alternative is to make sure they would rather chew off an arm than take and use any of your stuff without asking, and without putting it back.

It is not normal for children and another grown adult to be so disrespectful. The children are getting this from their dad. He's shown his true colours.

It is 100% normal for children to return things to the place they are kept if the person who owns them is willing to punish those who don't and to make good any destruction of property.

This is how you make sure you bring up functioning and self-respecting adults.

Yes indeed.

The family needs a massive turnaround.

A kid who would do a thing like that has no self esteem.

Stationery and stuff could be bought in bulk…

By whom?By people going to use the stuff only to discover it’s not there when needed as it got legs and walked away?

Literally you can have dozens of pair of scissors or pencils or sellotapes but it will never be enough.Bottomless pit. Nobody saw it,nobody took it.

Then obviously it was my problem as I was making a fuss over nothing.

Eventually learned to keep it hidden. Watched XH getting frustrated in the evening as there’s no parcel tape in the cupboard(again) and he needs to pack up the parcel to send it on the way to work. No opened shops nearby. But it was ok for me to replenish 4 pack of sellotape only to find it gone when I needed it.

Sundae spoons- he never touched them (the only ones long enough to stir his coffee cup)

Don’t get me started on the rest of stuff. So many times asked for replenishment or some communication that something has been used up. Nope.Could speak to the wall with the same effect.

Thank fuck he’s XH now and I don’t have to deal with it.

Totally agree. Massive lack of respect to use something and not return it after.

Imagine living like that though. Everything under padlock.