People in my house just use my stuff and don’t take me seriously if I tell them nicely!!

[Newname85]

I am tired and fed up. If my husband/kids don’t find their stuff, they just use my things! I end up not finding stuff when I need and unnecessary stress of searching.

They just don’t seem to understand if I tell them nicely, so - once in a few month I lose it. I end up shouting at people and they all blame each other. It’s impacting my health.

I’m lying in bed because I’m so stressed. My heartbeat is still high from all the shouting. I’m so fed up. How do I resolve this?

should I just leave them all and go live somewher else!?

OP I am 100% with you here. I often feel that no one has any regard for things I've bought for me with my own money. They wouldn't do it to their friends but think it's ok to just take your stuff and not return it.

I'd start taking their stuff. Hide DDs make up / hair stuff. She'll soon come asking for it back.

Why do you have dirty socks in your shoes?!

Buy everyone the stuff that regularly goes missing for Christmas instead of what they ask for.

Buy yourself a lockable box for your stuff.

I love @dothehokeycokey's suggestion.

Yes, why?
I either have my socks on my feet or they are in the wash.

Make it inconvenient for them. Don't just shout at them that you're pissed off cos they'll tune it out. Insist they come and put back whatever it is they've moved. If you're not sure which child it is, pick the most likely suspect. If they are watching TV, turn the TV off until they have replaced the item. Or search their room, messing it up until you find it or anything equivalent of theirs that you can borrow. Do it calmly, maybe humming a tune as you do it 😁 Refuse to wash anything other than essential school uniform if they borrow essential items of your clothes etc....

The socks thing is gross - clean ones no problem dirty ones yuk.
The rest of it scissors, stationery, tweezers, toothpaste all seems perfectly normal in a family.
Certainly doesn’t need a shouting match, ask where x is, remind person next time put it back. Done.

edit to add: We don’t have mine and yours in our house though. Nor did DH or I growing up. It’s such an odd concept to me.

You should have swept them up and left them on his pillow in a neat pile.

You need to have a serious word with them all.

Not actually dirty, I meant “used socks”. I don’t wash after every use. I use fresh socks only twice a week.

You wash your socks twice a week?! How do your feet not stink? Does your DD have enough socks or are you expecting her to only use two pairs too?

Lockable stationary box for your desk, yes. May DH replace your tweezers. Buy more scissors and have spare toothpaste ready. Do something relaxing, as this is a big overreaction.

Seems like an overreaction apart from the hair and tweezers.

The not changing socks is honestly weirder, IMO

You need more socks.

Eew! That is minging. Fresh socks every day.

That is far worse than any communal use of items within the family.

Sorry OP but after that revelation about the socks you've really lost the moral high ground here. Socks, like underwear, definitely require a clean pair every day.

It might be part of living with a family to an extent. I agree with extras and locking certain things up. Make sure the communal pens/ toothpaste are kept stocked up so they don't come looking for your stuff.

Have you thought about minimalism so it's much more obvious when something is out of place? Things are only lost in our house for so long before they turn up.

I'm guessing that if you only wear socks out of the house and you're only out of the house for a few hours every week, then the total amount of wear before washing = less than a full day's use. But everyone will now focus on your sock-washing habits rather than your family's disrespect.

I'm not sure what the solution is, but it would do my head in too. Maybe you need to start actually locking things away where you can. And stop doing stuff that makes their lives easier as a consequence e.g. you've taken my stuff, I'm not giving you a lift into town later.

I heard someone (probably on MN) suggesting putting a spare of things which go wandering in the kitchen in a box in the fridge. Needs to be an ingredient type item and long life so they won't look in it, or in the bottom of the veg drawer. You also need a lockable box in your office.

Sorry that it affects you that much, but this all part of having children and particularly teens in the house. I think you need to do some work on yourself here, it is not worth getting in a state because you can't find a pen and scissors.

And if there are a few essentials you really care about, get a lockable box that only have a key/code for.

Yanbu about your husband hair though, get him to clean up after himself.

It only works if people are respectful of collective belongings/spaces.

The kids have a room each. DH has taken over the spare room wardrobes for his personal stuff. I have a single chest of drawers. No one would search the bedrooms for things to borrow, but there used to be no problem taking things out of my chest of drawers. My chest of drawers is more organised, so it's easier to find things. And it's in a communal area, so seems like fair game. I told them to imagine a forcefield around it. I wouldn't even let them put stuff on the top. Only I was permitted to open a drawer. They weren't even allowed to look inside. After training, they're now very respectful and I've lightened up a lot.

OP, I bet everyone else has more space than you? It makes me crazy that I'm not taking up space in my own house. Crazy.

no means no tho 🤷🏽‍♀️
boundaries, respect, all that stuff
you don’t teach your children to take each other’s stuff without permission so why would everyone be taking their mum/partner’s stuff against her wishes?

Bloody hell.

If this keeps you awake at night then you must be leading a very sheltered life indeed.

Scissors - and kitchen stuff - I am with you there, I am fed up of replacing them, scissors (and when they have used all the scissors they use knives) and the stove lighter. I have replaced so many forks and teaspoons this year alone I have threatened to start buying disposable cutlery and plates!

Socks! I have a drawer with mine stashed. I then have a set of drawers on the landing full of sock so for everyone else it's a free for all.

Study - put a lock on your study door.

I put a grooming set in the the bathroom with scissors, tweezers and nail clippers. I use the en suite and I lock my stuff away in a lockable vanity case.

I buy 2 lots of toothpaste a month and make sure there is spare in the cupboard.

Things I can't seem to get on top off:

My slippers/dressing gown - in my opinion that's something i use on my bare skin and it's as bad as someone wearing my underwear!

I can't leave anything chocolate anywhere in sight, ever - I had some cooking chocolate and even that's gone

I know this is super annoying op, but it’s kind of family life. You’ll miss them when they’re gone!

We have the scissors drama too. In the end I accepted we needed more - at least two in each room where scissors get used. Ditto Pritt stick.

Just make an emergency box of the most vulnerable items ( scissors, socks, tweezers etc) and kept it hidden for yourself in an emergency. Tell no one!

People have such low standards on MN! Why shouldn’t the Op be frustrated? It’s affecting her day to day life and work. There is no respect for her from her family. Expect better!

Apart from the shouting, what consequences does anyone get for taking your things?

I'd say you need to start with a serious talk with your husband - when he does it, it sets the example that everyone else can. And look! They do! He needs to understand that his lack of respect for your things is not ok.

And then I'd be implementing actual consequences. And sticking to them, every time. No slipping, no "I'll let you off now, but next time...". Set a standard and rigorously hold it.

They do it because they can. Change the narrative.

Is your daughter a Labrador?

it would explain the socks.