People in my house just use my stuff and don’t take me seriously if I tell them nicely!!

[Newname85]

I am tired and fed up. If my husband/kids don’t find their stuff, they just use my things! I end up not finding stuff when I need and unnecessary stress of searching.

They just don’t seem to understand if I tell them nicely, so - once in a few month I lose it. I end up shouting at people and they all blame each other. It’s impacting my health.

I’m lying in bed because I’m so stressed. My heartbeat is still high from all the shouting. I’m so fed up. How do I resolve this?

should I just leave them all and go live somewher else!?

It isn’t normal in our house. We respect each other. Of course we also do annoying things but we apologise and try and change behaviours.

That’s really quite odd. And a bit gross!

I am with you OP,

Kitchen scissors have a special holder and are not to be removed from the kitchen. Likewise there are some large paper scissors on the desk - I have a zero tolerance policy, you're either using them or their in their place - I rarely shout, but I will about my "good" scissors - it's an absolute to the point children start running if I ask where the scissors are.

Tweezers, lip balm, hair bobbles, chargers, hair brushes for Christmas. Likewise any nice toiletries they take a shine to.

Nice pens - there is a school stationary drawer which I keep topped up with glue sticks (which I'm guessing are a food source the way they get through them), so that's the easiest place for them rather than my desk.

"Borrowing" clothes - haven't a clue, but I've made it clear when it's borrowed as a one off or given, and I want it handed back with a thank you.

I am a tad disturbed by dirty socks but getting over that...

You are the adult here, get them to put the fucking things back when you notice they aren't there.

This is exactly my strategy. Just ordered a paddle brush for DD’s stocking as she was properly affronted I’d moved mine from its usual drawer and she couldn’t find it (though obviously doesn’t ever put it back in the drawer herself, it’s just flung amongst the rest of the detritus in her room and I have to go searching for it 🤬). Also tweezers, phone charger, pens, socks going in this year again.

Definitely get a locking drawer for your study, OP. A hairbrush is one thing but it’d drive me bloody demented if I was trying to work and all my stuff had gone.

Your DH is just being an arsehole leaving his mess on your table for you to clean up (my DH also does rogue beard trimming and nail biting and his clean ups are haphazard at best, but at least it’s never all over my stuff). If he doesn’t understand that this is totally unreasonable, try putting toenail clippings on his keyboard or desk for a while and see if he changes his mind.

I feel your pain, I really do 💐

I understand its annoying but to be that full of rage suggests a deeper issue, i don't think its healthy to get that angry and upset by these relatively minor issues. Are you perimenopausal and/or are there other issues going on?

Some of these are issues in our house too and I don't have all the answers, but have found some strategies that might help. Kitchen scissors was one but we've attached a pair to the kitchen draw on a stretchy cord. Tweezers I've also had the issue, now I have a 'secret' place for them and have bought older DC their own pairs in different colours do we know whose are actually missing, so there are things you can do to reduce the impact. Yanbu about your dh though, as an adult he absolutely should be cleaning up after himself.

On a separate note meditation can be helpful to calm your rage and heart rate in the short term

Tell them that unless this changes, all they are getting for Christmas is the following:

sellotape
stapler
tweezers
pens
socks
toothpaste

I'm not at this stage with my kids so you probably must ignore my input. Plus I have adhd and extremely chaotic and disorganised so my things go missing all the time.
Now the advice: just control what you can. To have racing heartbeat ans be so stressed because family members are taking your stuff sounds very unhealthy. Lock your things away. If dh doesn't change, start looking bedroom. Can you lock your office?
I also like the idea of you matching to their rooms at they sleep, light on, things tumbling, searching for yourvthings (hope they don't learn to do the same to you). More importantly, when you have calmed down, have a family discussion about this and how it's affecting your health.

Sorry op.

That’s drives me bonkers too. I’ve bought a bazillion hairbrushes which vanish. Tweezers, kitchen scissors, matches / lighters no one smokes but need them to light woodstove. My slippers and boots. Two dc fit in my size 41 and just shove their feet in mine as haven’t put their own away. Most of the time I’m nice but every once in a while I go ballistic.

I feel awful afterwards though. I’m naturally a really calm person so shouting is very stressful but if I don’t shout no one listens.

No advice but I feel you OP. Phone chargers, hairbrushes, tweezers being the main ones in our house. Even with multiples of all of them. Drives me up the wall. How has someone not invented a phone charger that you can "stick" to the plug socket somehow?!

I’m afraid you will need to lock your things away. If they want them, they will have to buy their own. Maybe then they will look after them and not leave them lying around.

Do make sure everyone has plenty of socks though

All sounds a bit annoying but far from rage-inducing.

I like the idea of giving Xmas presents to them all which are the things they routinely remove. Not as extra presents, though. You could put name labels on just to underline the point.

All of the things being taken are quite normal and just a thoughtless act rather than something to be this upset over. Scissors always go walkabouts...it's the way it is. Buy your dd more socks and have your own secret emergency stash. Make your dh replace your tweezers. You need multiples of all of these things....it's normal life!

My feet don’t stink as I’m not in my shoes all day. I’m out only to do school runs. Twice a week works well for changing socks.

Yes, DD has plenty of socks. The problem is she is always rushing in the mornings and when she realises she put her socks in the washing the previous evening, instead of going upstairs to take fresh socks, she just takes from my shoes!!

She'll rather wear your used socks than go get her own clean ones? That next level lazy and gross.

Some of these replies are really pissing me off.

Why is it 'a normal part of family life' that the woman's belongings are routinely disrespected?
Why must the woman waste her time searching for her own possessions? Do people think she has nothing better to do?
Why is the woman supposed to put up and shut up?
Why must the woman limit her own space In her own home to a lockable box?
Why is it the woman's job to keep replacing stuff that other people have taken? (She's already bought four pairs of kitchen scissors, how many is she supposed to buy?

this

@Newname85 I am 100% with you on this! I am a busy person (which I love!) but because of that I need to be organised and know where everything is, therefore it’s massively frustrating when things that I need to use at a specific point are not there because someone has not returned said item to it’s proper place. It also sometimes feels massively disrespectful/uncaring of my family as I have stated what I see as a basic need and they CBA to meet it.
I spend a lot of time asking people to put things back where they had them from which works to a point but for anything I really don’t want moved/used/lost, I keep it in my office which I keep locked.

Blimey, you sound very dramatic!

Weird you refer to your DH and DKs as "People" in your house.

This is pretty normal, mildly irritating stuff that happens in most families. I appreciate that it's annoying, but your reaction seems really, really extreme. I don't think it's normal for someone's heart to be racing 'from all the shouting' and for your husband borrowing your tweezers to be 'impacting on your health'.

Worse than kitchen scissors going missing was when my family used my very expensive dressmaking scissors when making crafts or doing some DIY! I ended up buying another pair and hiding them after my son ruined them cutting a leather belt!

I don't think she needs to be medication or labelled as perimenopausal.

It's the fact you go to get something and every time you go to where it should be, its gone and you can't use it and have to run around the house trying to find it. I get exactly the same, some days if i can't find it and i go through all the kids rooms, bathrooms, drawers and everywhere else I look and I need what I am looking for I can feel myself raging and slamming doors. I am normally rushing, working mum of 3 teen/adult boys, i open the drawer to use the scissors and they are gone, I bought a new kitchen knife set and notice one is missing

I go to make my lunch so need the lighter for the hob and it's not there, I only get 40 mins at home and like an omelette or something quick and I can't make lunch, especially by the time i have ran round the house searching.

It's totally infuriating.

Because kids will be kids! Kids don’t care; they don’t have the emotional intelligence or self awareness to respect mum or dads possessions at all times, that’s absolutely normal.

And people cock up! It’s common to pick something up and not return it, not out of intended disrespect but out of human error!

Honestly, mumsnet is crazy for this. No one is perfect, I’m sure OP pisses her husband and kids off in ways too.

Dont take life too seriously.

Tweezers being ruined would give me the rage.
The toothpaste, surely it's adults responsibility to make sure the kids always have toothpaste in their bathroom.