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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my friend is crazy to consider this?

88 replies

ZaraV · 03/12/2024 18:22

Hello. My friend is in a bit of a rut with life. I’ll not go into too much details but she’s struggling to get back into work after losing her job last year. She’s on benefits but isn’t getting what she’s entitled to due to her DH wages. She’s just fed up and it’s put her in a bad place. I feel for her I really do. She told me she’s considering OnlyFans to help pay for an all out Christmas and for more spending money on her and DH’s holiday this month. I told her this could be dangerous and it’s also a very saturated market but she’s having none of it and says there’s not much she can do as she doesn’t want a boring Christmas and holiday after what she had to put up with the last few years. She’s also going off the rails a bit in terms with her boundaries with other people,

please suggest ways to tell her this isn’t a good idea and other ways to help her. Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Original poster
ZaraV · 03/12/2024 18:47

Bump

OP posts:
MiddleagedBeachbum · 03/12/2024 18:49

Your friend is an adult.
None of your business unless she’s specifically asked for your advice.

SilverChampagne · 03/12/2024 18:49

She isn’t getting what she’s entitled to? I imagine that means she isn’t actually entitled to it Hmm

JLou08 · 03/12/2024 18:50

Why is it crazy? Plenty of people happily earning a living from it. It's not something I would do but I wouldn't tell another adult that they shouldn't.

TTPDTS · 03/12/2024 18:50

I mean she's getting exactly what she is entitled to, including her DHs wages surely? If they're not sharing money that's a them issue?

Onlyfans is probably unlikely to give £££ in such a short turnaround. But that's up to her!

Could she not just get a Christmas temp job? That also might be slow to pay but it's less muff for rent so probably better for the old internet footprint.

HerSisterWasAWitch · 03/12/2024 18:51

She’s on benefits but isn’t getting what she’s entitled to due to her DH wages

IF this is real, It sounds like she is getting what she is entitled to based on her family income then. Is the real issue that her DH is keeping savings and leaving her short?

Also, if they have a holiday booked, they aren’t that skint. I haven’t had a holiday since 2019, and that was a U.K. break.

It sounds like your friend needs to adjust where she spends her money if she’s short. Things like holidays are a luxury, not a right, but yes, bonkers to consider OF.

redalex261 · 03/12/2024 18:53

A) None of your business if she chooses Only Fans as an income stream.
b) She WILL be getting what she is entitled to - her husband’s income affects benefit.
c) Only Fans is paid, traceable income from employment. It will reduce/eliminate her current benefit.

stargazerlil · 03/12/2024 21:52

Just let her get on with it if that what she wants to do and support her in it if your her friend.

Shinyandnew1 · 03/12/2024 21:55

She’s on benefits but isn’t getting what she’s entitled to due to her DH wages

So she isn’t entitled to it then?!

hazelnutvanillalatte · 03/12/2024 22:18

She probably won't make any money doing OF. Only the very top percent of profiles make anything significant. So might be worth considering if the tradeoff is worth it

Vaxtable · 03/12/2024 22:34

She is getting what she is entitled to. And how come she can afford to go on holiday if she is saying she needs to do only fans? Maybe a conversation with her dh might be in order

o why isn’t she looking at agency work, or indeed anything to tide her over

Original poster
ZaraV · 04/12/2024 13:21

Thanks for all your replies. The reason she’s not getting what she’s entitled to is because she and her DH lives in a house that is his family members but they’re under as living there but not on the tenancy so the benefits office takes family members wages in consideration leaving her short while her SIL gets her childcare paid for as she claims single mum but isn’t. My friend is so fed up as the tenancy was meant to be handed over years ago. It’s caused arguments between her and her in laws and sometimes in the past her family. She feels screwed over. That’s not all. She’s going off the rails since her youngest was born

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 04/12/2024 13:24

Where’s her husband in all of this?

Original poster
ZaraV · 04/12/2024 13:24

With regards to affording her holiday they saved and were able to as she had savings left over from work and her DH earns a decent wage but not loads if that makes sense. She was saying to me because of what she’s been through the past few years she wants to go mad and party on holiday (her kids sre looked after during rhat time) I get where’s she’s coming from but she needs to get a grip on her situation

OP posts:
OAPapparently · 04/12/2024 13:26

To be honest, once upon a time I would have been shocked at someone wanting to do OnlyFans and thought they were crazy, but if she is attractive enough or has something that people would be interested in paying for then she might as well give it a go. Easy money if people are willing to pay.
It has nothing to do with you. She’s an adult, she can make her own choices.

DrZaraCarmichael · 04/12/2024 13:27

She's not getting what she is "entitled to" because she is living with a bunch of benefit thieves?
Boo hoo.

Original poster
ZaraV · 04/12/2024 13:28

OAPapparently · 04/12/2024 13:26

To be honest, once upon a time I would have been shocked at someone wanting to do OnlyFans and thought they were crazy, but if she is attractive enough or has something that people would be interested in paying for then she might as well give it a go. Easy money if people are willing to pay.
It has nothing to do with you. She’s an adult, she can make her own choices.

I see what you mean but I’ve heard of stories of things going wrong. She is an attractive woman but doesnt fully see it but she feels she’s less than because she’s in her 30’s now and had her youth ruined by various people she trusted

OP posts:
MissCherryBrandy · 04/12/2024 13:29

How has she not managed to get a job in a year?

OldTinHat · 04/12/2024 13:30

I'd be congratulating her on considering all options!

When you need money, you need money.

Original poster
ZaraV · 04/12/2024 13:34

MissCherryBrandy · 04/12/2024 13:29

How has she not managed to get a job in a year?

Was prevented from working for most of her life and she lost her last job due to mental health and she was discriminated against

OP posts:
SilverChampagne · 04/12/2024 13:36

Who prevented her from working?

Original poster
ZaraV · 04/12/2024 13:40

SilverChampagne · 04/12/2024 13:36

Who prevented her from working?

Family and ex partner

OP posts:
SilverChampagne · 04/12/2024 13:44

ZaraV · 04/12/2024 13:40

Family and ex partner

Show quote history

Extremely hard to believe!

Original poster
ZaraV · 04/12/2024 13:47

SilverChampagne · 04/12/2024 13:44

Extremely hard to believe!

Show quote history

Coercive control

OP posts:
HoppityBun · 04/12/2024 13:47

OAPapparently · 04/12/2024 13:26

To be honest, once upon a time I would have been shocked at someone wanting to do OnlyFans and thought they were crazy, but if she is attractive enough or has something that people would be interested in paying for then she might as well give it a go. Easy money if people are willing to pay.
It has nothing to do with you. She’s an adult, she can make her own choices.

Nothing to do with the OP? The OP is a concerned friend. And the day we all take notice of “nothing to do with me” is the day MN falls silent

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