AIBU to think my friend is crazy to consider this?

[ZaraV]

Hello. My friend is in a bit of a rut with life. I’ll not go into too much details but she’s struggling to get back into work after losing her job last year. She’s on benefits but isn’t getting what she’s entitled to due to her DH wages. She’s just fed up and it’s put her in a bad place. I feel for her I really do. She told me she’s considering OnlyFans to help pay for an all out Christmas and for more spending money on her and DH’s holiday this month. I told her this could be dangerous and it’s also a very saturated market but she’s having none of it and says there’s not much she can do as she doesn’t want a boring Christmas and holiday after what she had to put up with the last few years. She’s also going off the rails a bit in terms with her boundaries with other people,

please suggest ways to tell her this isn’t a good idea and other ways to help her. Thanks in advance

Well there appears to be a long line of women lining up to sell themselves so unless she's planning anything outrageous, she won't earn a lot anyway.

There's obviously a big backstory, but from what you say she sounds prone to feeling the victim and not taking responsibility for her choices and her life. Her partner did this, her in laws did that, her SIL is doing this, her employers did that - everybody seems to be at fault, not an awful lot of responsibility being shown by her. Maybe OnlyFans is her way of taking responsibility for herself (and the fact she doesn't understand the repercussions of doing that is again symptomatic of not taking responsibility for her choices). I don't think there's anything you can say to an immature adult with children, if they don't recognise their basic limitations, other than "grow up". And nobody wants to hear that, least of all from a 'friend'.

She'll come down to earth with a bump when her purse is still empty but her fanny is out on the internet. It's not a guaranteed source of any income, and the top earners have done that type of thing for years, are savvy with social media and work way more than a FT time to guarantee they're getting the punters in.

If she genuinely was discriminated against, did she pursue this at all?

Why jump on my comment? Others have said similar before me.

Love it! Going to put her fanny on the internet to give the kids a proper Christmas... it's like a modern Christmas fable... I hope she get's the miracle she is 'entitled' to.

But Only Fans is just online prostitution, isn't it? Surely there's another way for her to earn money?

Sure, she could opt for IRL prostitution?

If her mental health is really bad then doing OF won’t do her any favours in the long run. And it’s also probably a reason she’s considering it - in general mentally healthy and secure women don’t consider taking their clothes off (and more) for money to be a better option than an employed job. It seems like easy money but it takes an emotional toll. Among other things, although OF is popular, there is still the chance of your family/children/next employer seeing your photos.

There’s also zero chance of her making much money at all unless she already has a SM following, let alone making money before Christmas

I say all this as a former cam model who is older and wiser now

It sounds like you are more generally worried about your friend. She's not worked due to mental health, she's discussing dumping her kids to party for a week and seems to see herself if a victim of everyone else. In this context you're also concerned about Only Fans. In short, you're worried that your friend isn't making great life choices.

It's hard to stand by while someone makes decisions that threaten to make things worse not better.

It's also hard for you to know her true situation. She seems in an enviable position of being financially supported.

All you can do is be a steady place of reassurance. The Only Fans idea likely won't work out. Encourage her to set longer term goals then think how to work towards them.

Encourage her to take agency in her own life.

Encourage her to develop hobbies and skills that build her sense of self worth and creativity and pride.

Well, it’s completely up to her. It’s not illegal and she is an adult!

Well tbf she’s talking to this other man for emotional comfort as she feels her life is gonna crumble. She needs help. She says DH has his family fighting his corner but her family don’t get her and use her mistakes against her so she feels she need someone there for her. I don’t know. She says he’s only a friend but the danger is she’s in a vulnerable state and he’s her type

TBH I couldn’t get worked up about this.

i think there are worse things in the world than a grown adult deciding to sign up to Only Flange

One of these bot threads where everyone pretends Only Fans is empowering

Thanks. That’s what I’m trying to get at. This will likely make her self esteem worse. She feels insecure because she can’t get her fillers topped up because of how careful she has to be and is self conscious because her forehead is starting to line and she can’t get Botox. She’s getting frustrated because she’s not in work

She won’t make any money. To be successful it’s a full time job and she cba to work right now.

Just to add - she is getting the benefits she’s entitled to, they just take into account the income of the household as a whole.

Also she feels the pressure this year with the holiday and her family expect her to get them expensive Christmas presents every year and berate her if she doesn’t. She thinks it’s either OnlyFans or debt

She’s applying for jobs but not getting accepted because of her cv and she’s got 3 kids who are 3 1/2 and under

It will be debt, she’ll make nothing

Tell her to get a Xmas temp job and stop creating more problems for herself (in a kinder but to the point way).

Sorry what? Her desperate need is fillers and botox and a big Christmas? Honestly, I think only fans is her only hope... she clearly has the intelligence of a bin liner.

Maybe you should let her do what she needs and keep out

So she is getting what she is entitled to. She isn't entitled to more because if her living arrangements.

If she and her DH aren't happy with those when she is working again move out

OK....

It'll come as a shock to your friend - as I'm sure it does to most people who think "Doing an OF" = Money, that it's not that easy, and most people fail hard.

The truth is, it's not as simple as posting pictures of your tits and arse on the internet and watching the money roll in. As hard as it may be to believe, there are already all manner of pictures of tits and arses all over the internet, for free!

Running a successful OF involves expert knowledge of video production and editing, marketing and social media management.

The oldest profession has become thoroughly modernized!

She's seriously considering debt to give her family expensive presents? That's lunacy. She should tell them family gifts are off the cards this Christmas.