AIBU to think my friend is crazy to consider this?

[ZaraV]

Hello. My friend is in a bit of a rut with life. I’ll not go into too much details but she’s struggling to get back into work after losing her job last year. She’s on benefits but isn’t getting what she’s entitled to due to her DH wages. She’s just fed up and it’s put her in a bad place. I feel for her I really do. She told me she’s considering OnlyFans to help pay for an all out Christmas and for more spending money on her and DH’s holiday this month. I told her this could be dangerous and it’s also a very saturated market but she’s having none of it and says there’s not much she can do as she doesn’t want a boring Christmas and holiday after what she had to put up with the last few years. She’s also going off the rails a bit in terms with her boundaries with other people,

please suggest ways to tell her this isn’t a good idea and other ways to help her. Thanks in advance

I think there misconception most people have with OF is that it's easy money. I have a few friends on there and it's a full time job trying to make any money. It would require daily marketing via social media (usually multiple accounts on multiple sites) in addition she would need to provide content she may not be comfortable with unless she is exceptionally good looking to get anyone to pay. Usually daily new content and directly interacting with subscribers even if she gets any which can be incredibly time consuming.

I've got no issue with OF at all, but it takes a lot of money to get it going and a lot of online presence to build a following.

It doesn't sound like she's got the cash to start or the energy to build a following.

I wouldn't mention anything though, just say the right platitudes and it's likely just a fleeting idea.

The situation with her housing/benefits sounds self inflicted, a house full of people trying to con a system and your friend is the unfortunate one who's losing out.

Not empowering, but neither are most minimum wage jobs. She could try and get a Christmas temp job but would obviously prefer to do OF - which she is entitled to do. She probably won’t make much money, and that’s for her to find out.

But I’d probably work on sorting the benefits thing. So what if the family are “down” as living there. Be clear that they’re not.

As PP has said, sounds like she needs to shift away from the victim mentality.

Most minimum waged jobs do not require you to put your growler on the internet...

She’s on a downward spiral and she’s going to blow up her life. Unfortunately, the only person who can stop her is herself.

Sadly this. Nothing you can do. It's a terrible choice but it's hers.

But if she doesn't mind doing that, I don't really see why that's a problem.

People who make money from stuff like OnlyFans are fully aware that there are other jobs available that don't 'require you to put your growler on the internet' and have actively made the choice to go with OnlyFans instead because for them, getting naked online feels like the preferable option to working shifts in a factory or cleaning offices or stacking shelves in Lidl or whatever. For you, OnlyFans might be your worst nightmare, but it isn't everyone's.

OP, your friend will almost certainly make no money on OnlyFans, but it's really none of your business. And if she doesn't make any money, then... so what? A few strangers will have seen her naked. It's not going to kill her.

I was thinking the same!

She might be better off trying to pick up a job for Christmas, retail, hospitality, delivery, all good bets this time of the year, she may even be kept on when the season is finished.

You can tell her you're concerned for her safety and privacy on OF. There was a post here recently where someone said their daughter was offered money to claim she was on OF and that she was making a lot of money from it. There will be a lot of false claims about how much money is being made, maybe google and show her a few articles about it.

You're a good friend to be concerned about her but she is an adult and at the end of the day it's her decision to make.

I do agree it's personal choice.
However her motivation seems to be filler, botox and Christmas guilt... which for me - would not warrant selling my body. Again, personal choice about what is important in life.
I guess I am being super judgy as I can't afford botox and I work, fully clothed, for 40 hour a week.

Would I consider OF to feed/house my family? Yes.
Would I consider OF for a bit of lip filler? NO

It’s not a terrible idea.

I now think since reading ops last update that this is a wind up thread !!

Poor woman
Your "friend" really has some tragedies to face

What a load of bollocks

Have you asked her how she will feel if her children come across any images or videos she makes when they're older? It's one thing to consider OF when you don't have children, but if you do, how would you feel if your kids were bullied at school because of it, or a teenage (older teens) son is looking at porn on the Internet and suddenly comes across (pun not intended) graphic images of his mother?

I think your friend needs to consider whether the likely small amount of money she will make from this will be worth that risk in the future.

If she needs money - does she have any belongings that she could sell? Is she artistic at all that she could make items to sell as personalised Xmas gifts?

I dunno, I'd need to get paid an awful lot to be happy with the thought that potential future dates, office co-workers, kids' friends parents etc had potentially had a wank over me. OF doesn't guarantee anything, but once nudes are out, they have a way of turning up.

I've just seen that, having replied before I got to the end, and suspect you're right.

I'm as much as an OF hater as the next mumsnetter but come on. Prostitution is when you have sex with strange men for money, OF is online. Both not a good idea if you don't have to, but there's a world of difference.

I know there’s nothing I can really do to stop her spsrt from helping her look for temp jobs and encouraging her towards better coping mechanisms that won’t lead to people finding her nudes, having an affair with the man she’s talking to and breaking up her family. She isn’t allowed to say that her BIL, SIL and their DC live there as that will result in her in laws getting in trouble and her, DH and her DC losing the house and being homeless. Regards to social media she does that and she uses that as an excuse saying she’s comfortable being on camera and she’ll use AI to edit herself so that she’ll be a better version of herself and make more money. I told her that’s crazy and she’ll regret it

I don't judge her for it but as far as I understand (from hearing TikTok creators talk about it) you need to really commit to it to make proper money from it. You need other, authentic social media profiles where you speak and show your face etc in order to drive traffic to your OF profile. And of course this profiles need to be open for anyone to find, including people who might know you. It's not just selling a few anonymous feet pics.

At least an IRL transaction is done with no online forever life... it's less likely your dad / brother / future employer is going to stumble on your IRL prostitution..

But online sex work is there... forever... for anyone to see.

Yeah, both bad in different ways, like I said. Also, it's probably not pleasant to turn up to a job interview and find that you've sucked the interviewer's dick for money in the past, but less likely to happen than them seeing your porn I suppose. Anyway, the lesson is don't do either of them unless you have no alternative. Certainly not for Christmas presents.

Is this the same "friend" you are criticising on your thread about women who age badly when they hit 30 @ZaraV ?

Whether this is her or another friend, she's clearly spiralling or feeding you sob stories and you, aged 22, are way too immature to provide advice and way too immature to get invested in all this shite.

Any kind of sex work will screw you up and expose you to male violence.

I don't know much about OF (honest) but can't imagine it's much of a get rich quick scheme at this point

If it's like other social media, you need to spend time nurturing a following before the big bucks start rolling in.

20 days before Christmas is not the time to start