Apologies this is long - for context .
My son is 10, almost 11. He’s in his last year of Primary school.
His bed time is 8pm . He can then have 30 min with something on his TV and a timer turns it off after 30 min . I’m not asking for advice on this , I know a lot will disagree with TV before bed , but I’m ok with it (so - in the nicest way, I don’t really want to start a debate about this ) . He used to have 730pm bedtime, tv until 8 and before that it was lower . I changed it to 8pm - 830pm last year. His older brother had a 830-9pm bedtime ( sleep at 9 ) up until he was 15.
I am having the continuous battle with him that this is too early and all his friends go to bed later . I know some of his friends stay up far later as I’ve had to turn his phone off at 10pm before because it’s rang and woke me ( I charge it in my room so he isn’t on it ) I know some of his friends are online gaming until whenever they want to. I believe he needs his sleep , so he’s not tired at school. Some mornings , he will be lay in bed and I’m having to go and wake him up repeatedly- a nightmare when I’m getting ready for work and he has to be up early as he’s collected by his nan at 730 because of my work. But sometimes he is up straight away . He can get ready very quick but he does need to be up by 645.
Most nights he asks if he can have 830-9 instead and I let him a lot, just to avoid a battle , but haven’t set that as his bedtime because then I think he will start asking for even later .
Last night , he asked for 830 - 9 . I said yes but I said he cannot come into me after that , as most nights I’ll be in bed and he will come in at 9 asking for a drink ( he takes one to bed anyway ) or saying he feels sick / can’t sleep , is hungry ( he can have something to eat whenever he wants in the evening , he has a good dinner - it’s just this wanting to be up later ) . I go to bed at 830 as I’m up early . Every night I’m being woke up - i usually read as I don’t like to sleep when he’s still awake watching tv . I don’t want him up and about when I’m in bed .
I think he has more freedom at his dad’s , sometimes he says he wants to stay there as he can go to bed later … but he can also say things like this to dad ( mom would let me etc ). So , anyway , last night after the chat of “ straight to sleep after the tv goes off “ he came in at 915 - so 15 min after his tv was off - and asked me to heat up a little Teddy he has ( it wasn’t cold , he had asked me a few nights ago and I had said let me clean the microwave tomorrow and then I will as we had used it to heat curry and didn’t want the bear to smell 🤣 the next day I did clean it and then he didn’t want the bear and didn’t mention it until last night at 915pm ) I said no, I was in bed falling asleep. Again at 930 he came in asking again and at this point I was grumpy with him and said no and that tomorrow ( today ) it would be a normal 8-830 bedtime as I was tired of this prolonging bed time when I have work the next day . Just to add my husband is waiting for an op next week for a hip replacement- he’s in agony every night and struggles to sleep . I have spoke about this with the children, it’s not forever he will have the op soon but I’ve said if he wakes he will be awake all night . I know it’s not their fault but he’s also the main income earner , working a physical job , up at 4 and goes to bed early because he can’t even sit on the sofa comfortably and last night he had fell asleep but then woke the first time my son came in and he was awake most of the night then .
This morning , I have had a morning of arguing with my son , he has shouted at me that I’m mean for making him go to bed at 8-830. He says all his friends go to bed later , I’m a mean mum , I’m treating him like a baby etc and that it’s not fair that he goes to bed early tonight ( his actual time ) because he ‘didn’t know ‘ I had said not to mess around after bed time .
In all fairness , this morning he was out of bed immediately. But yesterday after school ( the night before he had had his tv off at 9 but messed around after ) he was exhausted and lay on his bed all night because he was tired .
Am I a mean mum ? Is the bedtime too early?