Apparently I'm beautiful NOW

[BlueSilverCats]

I have very slowly been losing weight. Mum has been making comments but I mostly downplayed it, not looking for compliments or mentioning it or anything.

Today she told me I'm actually beautiful now. Jeese... thanks mum. Only took 30 something years.

Every time she moaned at me for being fat it was always followed by "of course it's mainly about health". No , it's not. At least not to her.

Yes my mother seems increasingly annoyed that some young people are shamelessly overweight, like they deserve to feel bad about themselves but are happy with their appearance and she’s irate about it. Just makes me roll my eyes!!!

Group 1

Loving themselves and their own body, and being happy and confident, even if they could do with losing a bit of weight to be a bit more healthy...

Group 2

Slagging off people for being a stone or two overweight, and making spiteful and demeaning remarks, and taking a pop at a new mother who hasn't shed all her baby weight 2 weeks after the birth, and sniping and jabbing at teenagers and young people for being 'obese' and 'lazy' (in their opinion.)

Now which group out of those 2 sounds the most unreasonable, and unpleasant, and rude, and downright nasty?

Go on ... Take a minute to think about it, then answer HONESTLY!

!

I got a new job (within the same company), and the new manager wanted me to start the new role, sharpish.

My husband's helpful comment was 'he must have been desperate'.

A proper jellyfish comment. You're swimming around nicely, minding your own business, and bam!
You get stung without any warning.

I am not a fan of boomer bashing, but I am finding myself agreeing with this.

Given the incredible UK child obesity rates it astounds me that we’re now more bothered about terminology and being offensive then we are about actual facts. Perhaps this is all the boomers fault as well? Or perhaps we should be less bothered about hurty hurry feelings and point out the fucking obvious

The medical profession know there is a obesity crisis, and that the more overweight you are the more likely you are to die an early death from heart attack/stroke/diabetes etc. I'd say it is everyone's business because the nhs will crash under the weight of the needs of the obese. The fact is that if you're overweight you're eating too much. Whether you want to call it greed/fat shaming/insulting or something else doesn't change those facts.

Food manufacturers alongside advertising, have a lot to answer for. They're promoting crap and people are eating it.

😢 Why are you with this man??

Whoever “he” is, he sounds fucking horrendous. I would hazard a guess that with an outlook like that, he’s of a certain generation (boomer).

What are you aiming to state facts about? Telling fat people they're fat? Do you think they don't know? Are you about to turn the tide of obesity with your honesty? Believe it or not, shaming people really doesn't help them lose weight.

I don't disagree that there is some ageism on threads here but good god it's nothing to the venom spouted about anyone who struggles with their weight.

I'm 75. I obviously don't understand how people's brains work now. (It must be caused by microplastics or hormones in the environment that have had such a significant effect in the decades since my birth.)

A mother has been watching her daughter lose weight gradually, and tells her that she looks beautiful now. 'You've.done enough. Don't get any thinner,' is what I imagine the mother was thinking, but she decided to put it positively. Daughter gets the hump because she thought her mum should have told her that 30 years ago. I wonder what daughter would have preferred her mother to have said instesd? But what dystopia do you live in @LookItsMeAgain
that you see a mother complimenting her daughter as being "horrible"?

@BlueSilverCats give your mum a hug. You'll miss her one day.

I find this creepy. I got complimented for losing my baby weight so quickly (especially by men - loads of compliments often with a negative comment about their wives' weight struggles.) I had PND and couldn't eat anything. I lived on diet coke and the occasional energy bar. My milk didn't come through as I wasn't eating enough calories, so no, I wasn't 'in great shape'. But as long as you don;t take up much space in the world, well done.

I'm not sure what point you are trying to make in relation to my comment. I never mentioned new mothers nor did I slag anyone off. There is nothing wrong with being confident and loving yourself. I'm all for that. Also.a stone or even two overweight doesn't necessarily put you in a dangerous category health wise but 3 plus stone overweight certainly does and should not be encouraged or celebrated.

This. ^ Shitty comment by @Pleasebeafleabite No emotional intelligence or critical thinking skills at all.

Also seems very angry and irate about things that are naff-all to do with her. (ie; other peoples weight.)

.

He doesn't sound like a twat at all. Congratulations on bagging such a dreamboat.

The obvious that is obvious to the person who is fat?

So what is obvious is that it is not about telling them and informing them. Do you think they go "Oh shit I never knew that, thanks for telling me?"

What is obvious is you want to say it to get something out of it. What is it that you get out of telling someone something they already know? Superiority? A raise in your poor self esteem? Smug face?

That's just dreadful, isn't it? Looking at your size as opposed to what's going on with you as a person. What horrible judgemental people.
I hope you're in a better place now 🌼

I had a couple such comments, not from men, but from women for who it was clearly an issue For Them. I was not trying to lose weight, in fact I found it quite insulting that they thought I prioritised looking too thin over my baby's and own well being. I hated the attention.

Seeing as how you asked - a mother should love their child irrespective of how they look, what size/shape/sexual orientation/gender/whatever they are.

This particular mother (based on the OP's posts) doesn't appear to have told the OP that they were beautiful before losing the weight, or beautiful at any point up to now and that I personally find is a horrible thing to do. You took the story one way, I took it another. Only the OP will really know which of these or somewhere in between is the truth of the matter.

I also find it very distasteful saying that you should hug a parent/grandparent/relative because 'you'll miss her one day'. Again, you might have grown up in a family where that may have been something that was done, whether you liked the relative or not, whether you got along with the relative or not. People don't have to hug anyone. It's that simple. Yes everyone at some point will die, but you can't force someone because it might be their last Christmas or you might miss them. Some people might feel a sense of relief from not having to put on an act or whatever when they are around particular relatives if those relatives do pass away.

Bet you're happy you asked now 🙂

I'm sorry that your Mum upset you OP and I agree that it was a bit of a backhanded compliment.
I'm one of the dreaded boomers and I don't agree that my generation has a particular monopoly on being obsessed with weight.
My mother was born in 1920 and ,although she had a lot of good qualities, she was critical of my appearance from my early teens to when she was in a nursing home in her 90s.
I think it comes from enmeshment. Sometimes Mums don't ever learn where they end and you begin. They see you as a reflection on themselves.
When I was working I found that some of the younger women born in the 1970s and 1980s were very obsessed with weight and size.
Personally I don't see physical attractiveness as closely linked to weight.
Try to tune her out and be clear with yourself that it's her problem. Don't let your self confidence depend on her.

I think it comes from enmeshment. Sometimes Mums don't ever learn where they end and you begin. They see you as a reflection on themselves.

This is the real issue tbh. This and bragging rights. In my mother's eyes , there's very little about me to brag about or be proud of so she's constantly feeling let down . Must suck.

@Gagagardener that would be lovely indeed. It isn't the case though. I'm 3 kgs away from a healthy weight(which is my goal), but 16 kgs away from her ideal weight. She has this formula that I've been falling short of since I was 11. Even though I was a healthy weight.

I heard that formula all my life and the 90-60-90 ideal measurements.

Yes MN, why are you allowing all these shitty comments about boomers through?
If someone made a comment about snowflakes or wasting money on avocado or coffee, they would rightly be picked up.
In any case, this thing about weight and appearance doesn't have any reasonance for me as a baby boomer

Do we have the same dad?! It’s repulsive and drives me mad!

I'm a boomer and find most of them an embarrassment. They blame everyone for their faults over the last 70 years. They are to blame for brexit and the tory destruction of the UK. Now this mindset has seemed to spread among all generations.
God help us if Reform ever get in power.