Apparently I'm beautiful NOW

[BlueSilverCats]

I have very slowly been losing weight. Mum has been making comments but I mostly downplayed it, not looking for compliments or mentioning it or anything.

Today she told me I'm actually beautiful now. Jeese... thanks mum. Only took 30 something years.

Every time she moaned at me for being fat it was always followed by "of course it's mainly about health". No , it's not. At least not to her.

Does anyone honestly think fat looks good on anybody? The obesity epidemic is a recent phenomenon due to the societal changes where no-one cooks from scratch any more, everyone relies on instant dinners or takeaways! There are limited nutritional benefits in these meals and they are full of fats and sugar and so dangerous for our health! It really isn't that hard to follow a healthy diet!!!

Ah, yes, the good old days when the only thing more “positive” than today’s body positivity was the denial of mental health issues, the glorification of crash diets, and the rampant smoking habit. Truly a golden age of health and wellness!

It’s fascinating that you equate obesity with smoking, yet seem to forget how “boomer” culture cheerfully puffed away for decades, insisting it was harmless. Or how they nurtured a generation of fad diets, unrealistic beauty standards, and body shaming that left scars far deeper than stretch marks.

Sure, addressing health is important—but equating health solely with weight and ignoring the complexities of genetics, mental health, and socioeconomic factors? That’s as outdated as blaming millennials for avocado toast. Maybe what really needs trimming here is the assumption that “gentle” equates to ineffective or that firm honesty is best delivered with a sledgehammer.

If anything, teaching younger generations kindness towards themselves and others might do wonders—far more than the cold, ironic weight of a lecture on “getting too big.”

YANBU
this is the insidious stuff that eating disorders are made of.

This is absolutely awful.

Ah, the timeless wisdom of “you’ll miss her when she’s gone,” as if mortality automatically absolves someone of years of tactless or harmful comments. While many mothers are deserving of hugs, let’s not pretend that all maternal behavior is praiseworthy just because it came from someone who gave birth.

For every mother doling out heartfelt compliments, there’s another whose “positivity” feels more like a thinly veiled critique or a passive-aggressive jab. Telling your daughter she looks “beautiful now” after years of silence—or worse, judgment—might not feel as complimentary as you imagine. It’s less “gentle encouragement” and more “backhanded validation.”

As for dystopias, maybe it’s the one where we expect children to hug their parents, no matter how much those parents have failed to listen, support, or understand. A hug can be earned, not just owed by default. So while some mothers deserve heartfelt embraces, others might need to settle for a polite handshake… if they’re lucky.

Some of your here should not be allowed on the internet.

Yes but it's just such a meaningless generalisation, the 'baby boomers' are all those born between 1946 - 1964 which is over 20% of the population. It's boring to see the extent to which people want to blame individual characteristics of people they know on supposed attitudes of people born in 3 separate decades.

I feel your pain, I’ve spent all my life being told by my mother how “you look quite nice when you make an effort” as in by implication I look like total shit when I don’t. Apparently she doesn’t mean it like that… I expect your mum really thought she was paying you a compliment. Congrats, by the way!

Yes! So true. After losing 7 stone,I have noticed that certain people's attitudes towards me have changed. Obviously,in their opinion,I wasn't worth bothering with before.

Totally agree. I’m very lucky to have an emotionally intelligent, down to earth mum but god did she say some messed up stuff to me about weight while growing up (mine and hers). For example when I was 13 “you’re about OK as you are but you definitely wouldn’t want to get any bigger” - while I was a size 10…! It’s just one area where her views are completely deranged. She constantly puts herself down too and talks about how her body is disgusting etc 😔

I naturally lost weight in my late teens as my body just changed generally and the amount of compliments I got from women of boomer generation (mum’s friends, people at work etc) was unreal. I genuinely got more praise for getting thinner than I did when I graduated, got first job, had DD etc! Despite it not having been a goal and having done nothing to achieve it.

Ohhhh where to start...I so understand, it's horrible to be judged, my mum regularly mentions my weight recently, which I'm working on, thankfully we don't live close by, but she never loses an opportunity to say, goodness - that bust is quite a 'shelf' at the moment! She actually stares, I'm very conscious about it as I'm quite short and makes me feel embarrassed, my sister is VERY skinny and she often says I'm sure you'll get the weight off as 'we have never been a fat family' 😬I'm sure Beneath the surface she just wishes the beat for you but yep i do so get it 🥰

That’s the health aspect though, OPs mums basically told her she wasn’t beautiful until she lost weight, which as a parent you think your children are beautiful no matter what.

As a Boomer, I can assure you that the younger people I work with, from those in their 20s to those in their 40s and 50s, are mostly obsessed with their physical image, especially weight. Very little seems to be health related, it’s more about being able to present the perfect body. Diets, exercise, but also cocaine, smoking (now there’s a Boomer solution!) and medical interventions. Give the Boomers a break!

I just graze in at the end of the baby boomers by a couple of months. Seriously hate the term and the MN assumption that I think in exactly the same way as everyone else born between 1946 and 1964 regardless (in no particular order) of upbringing, location, education or intellect, not to mention life experience. Totally daft thinking Mumsnetters!! It was actually my parents who had an issue with weight. I was put on amphetamines by our local GP when I was 11, and a diet which included Energen rolls and raw liver soaked overnight in milk. Grew out of my little bit of puppy fat by 14. Did not find out about the drugs until I was at Uni when a med student was going over my notes. Good grief.
Over the past year my adult DD and I have been conscientiously eating for health. By that I mean cooking from scratch and making choices that are well balanced and ensure we naturally have a complete balance of protein, veg, good fats and complex carbs and get all our vitamins and minerals naturally. Even pop outside for a walk or 2 each day to make sure we are getting our vitamin D! Fun to have the daily texts discussing recipes and progress, and sometimes disastrous meals. (No, butter beans do not taste the same as mashed potato, do not believe the hype.) Never felt better, and we have both coincidentally lost some weight and are more toned. However, my DD is beautiful inside and out, and no matter how much she weighs that will not change. And yes, I do tell her. OP I wish I could have words with your DM.

I lost some weight a couple of years ago during a cancer treatment (all back now, I’m afraid). It’s is impossible to deny it improved my appearance. Objectively more ‘beautiful’ if you like.

I’m from the boomer generation and I would never have said anything about weight op. And certainly not telling you are beautiful now that’s disgusting! I do think the younger generation are more focused on weight than we were how they look too. So much so that many of them look like clones of each other! Congrats losing the weight. I decided to lose weight last year lost three stone which was mostly over eating on high dose steriods still on them same dose to lose weight is one of the hardest things and nobody should make anyone feel bad about weight issues

Totally agree. I have no idea who the boomer generation are, though I'll lay odds it's the usual guff from America. What I've noticed, though, is that times change, but people don't.

I cracked a few years ago and said to my Mum that if she ever mentioned my weight again I would never speak to her again.
I'd had a life time of comments. Some terribly cruel which mystified me cos in every other respect I had no doubt that she loved me.

Not all of us.

Boomer here. Does get tedious. We seem to be responsible for ever single thing in people’s lives they don’t like.

People born 1947 to 1964 so huge age band with different life experiences.,
Also it was my mother, born 1931 who was harsh about my weight. It’s just some people of ant generation who can be a bit tactless.

My Grandad was like that. if he was relating a story about something that happened he'd often comment things like "plump lady" or "very plain" in a way he didn't elaborate about the appearance of the men he talked about.

on one occasion I referred to myself as fat. which I am. I'm moderately overweight, and definitely on the chubby side. not huge, but definitely not slim like I used to be.
I'm one of those people that doesn't consider fat to be an insult. it's just a descriptor.
can't remember the context of why I mentioned being fat, but I wasn't being derogatory about myself. just being factual.
and my friend jumped in and said "no you're not, you're pretty!"
my response was "I NEVER said I was ugly, I said I was fat, and I am. doesn't mean I'm not pretty. they're not mutually exclusive"

Mumof one all alone,
Have you any idea how strong you are ? Being a mum is the hardest job on earth, and your value cannot be judged by anyone else, even family.go forward in life....you've got this girl. ❤️

Thank you for putting this into words. The attacks didn’t sit right with me, either.

I used to work in skincare, and there was one lady who was SO self conscious about a very unusual feature she had. darker patches on her temples, that had sort of whiter freckles in them. she was asking if we had anything that could help fade them, which we didn't, but I said to her, actually, I think they're really pretty. like a little fawn.
she teared up and said that's the nicest thing anyone has said to her. I hope she went away feeling less insecure about her unusual feature.