Apparently I'm beautiful NOW

[BlueSilverCats]

I have very slowly been losing weight. Mum has been making comments but I mostly downplayed it, not looking for compliments or mentioning it or anything.

Today she told me I'm actually beautiful now. Jeese... thanks mum. Only took 30 something years.

Every time she moaned at me for being fat it was always followed by "of course it's mainly about health". No , it's not. At least not to her.

I'm 55 and my 'D'M has never once told me I'm beautiful. She did manage to say I looked nice on my wedding day though so I suppose I have to be thankful for that! I guess I could have accepted it as one of her quirks but as she was always commenting on how pretty other girls were it really hurt. For the record, I'm no great beauty but I have always scrubbed up well and have a nice figure (my DH thinks I'm a goddess!) I just think there were other prettier girls around who didn't have big teeth and glasses and she was jealous. So sad really. I tell my daughter all the time that she's beautiful and I have done her whole life.

My mother was born in 1939- she was very critical, my experience was that those with younger parents (boomers) were less critical.I also agree the earlier group like my mother tend to not realise what shape they are- my mother insists she was 7 stone when she was younger- I make clothes for a living and looking at the photos it is certain her weight was between 9 and 10 stone, they do tend to think of themselves as slender.

Same here.
I don’t blame my mum for my food issues but she certainly played a huge part in my issues. Unfortunately I’ve discovered that she has indeed helped cause a good few issues that I had growing up. Not because she was neglectful or abusive because she wasn’t but I can’t make it DS eat food that he doesn’t want to eat due to smell/textures etc

OP if you think your mum only values you based on your weight who am I to disagree? That is a tough one for you to negotiate and I'm really sorry to hear it. I said that because I hoped that deep down, like most mums, she loves you for you despite the daft and hurtful things she might say. It sounds like she herself has a really dysfunctional relationship with food and body image like women of so many ages. Congratulations on losing weight - it's very hard to do. Please do enjoy it. Of course it's not the be all and end all but it is meant to be healthier if nothing else. Sending you my best wishes

My Dad was so desperate for me to lose weight he said he'd give me £1000 for every stone I lost. I never did lose any though, the motivation of money wasn't enough. Recently I've lost 1 stone 9lbs and feel a lot better. I wish I could show him as he'd be so proud but he died a few years ago.

A week after giving birth, my DPs visited, my DF coming out with;

You're looking fat.

My Aunt said You looked lovely in . I defended with 'That was the cancer hun'.

Some people!

The main problem here is why you care so much what your mother thinks of your appearance. I doubt she’s Miss World.

Bet we'll have @Gagagardener back on suggesting that your mother didn't mean that you're not pretty but that you had nice hair that day when she made that comment but your outfit wasn't particularly up to scratch (or some such nonsense).

@BlueSilverCats - I'm sorry that your mother wasn't supportive and was clearly completely oblivious to how her comments hurt and stung and stuck with you from your teenage years to adulthood.

At this point, I would take a huge step back and reduce contact, reduce the frequency of visits. If she asks (and I think she would when she spots that you're not around as often), just say that you're no longer willing to be her verbal punching bag and her comments about your appearance throughout the years and she's going to have to do more for herself now. Then stick with that.
Stop being her verbal punching bag and you'll have a much happier 2025!

When I was in my late 50s I had a series of health problems and operations. I'm 5' 8" and went from a size 16 to a size 12 for a while.
I got a lot of backhanded compliments from women at work who would now be in their late 40s/ early 50s,
"You look great, never seen you look so good".
I don't think this issue is confined to one generation. It's just that some parents think they can say things to their kids that they wouldn't say to someone else.

I think it's because you look different your mil is used to seeing you big. I wouldn't think nothing of it.

Hit her with this one you get your good looks from her seeing as she is your mother. The weight is irrelevant. Tell her if she has always felt you were ugly in anyway then she is only dissing herself.

There is nothing wrong with liking good food and if you was to go down to your mother's ideal weight you'll be miserable. Does your mother eat proper food or pigeon food to keep her figure what an existence. I am happy at 12 stone and I don't wish to get any thinner. Can your mum cook good food from different cultures or is it bog standard food. Athletes eat and they are thin because they are always active if they eat pigeon food they would collapse. Does your mum work out like an athlete and eat like a king?😂

Just wanted to add something to the ‘boomer’ generation line of topic.

Working in a school, amongst the children, the absolutely worst insult you can give is that “you’re fat”. Nothing else seems to cut as much as that does, and I really think it’s down to how their parents talk about others. So I take issue that that is how ‘boomers’ were brought up…it’s far more prevalent now, in my opinion.

There is more big people now than there ever was before. People have more to say now about it because there was hardly any fat people in the 60's, 70's, 80's 90"s and even the 2000's. It's only been the last 10 years people have tried to normalise being big. The food manufacturers are loving it more money for them. I watched the over weight Vs the supper skinny when the two swapped diets it was a killer for both of them. The youngsters are into Kpop and none of them are fat our large is Korea's XXL or is it XXXL. The fashion industry is bigger than the big population that is growing.

Weight, beauty and Christmas food and drink. It sounds like a recipe for disaster who wants to think about vanity with a gut full of food and drink. Why are people posting threads about weight loss and weight loss drugs before Christmas. Why not after Christmas we can all think about losing a bit of weight then and feeling pretty. Maybe this is an indication to op from her mother to slow down. Which is really fucking cheeky if that's what it's all about. Enjoy your mince pies and turkeys and sing Christmas while drunk. When New Years arrive sing Auld Lang Syne while drunk and tripping over yourself.

Let's worry about how we look after Christmas. Spend Christmas with your family op if your mother makes you unhappy let her spend Christmas on her own or with someone else.

Remind her of the wise words of Gilbert & Sullivan: "There is beauty in extreme old age"

She's beautiful now too

That's exactly the point!

You do know different boomers.

And some of us are not like that

The good old days? It is about 50 years since "rampant" smoking, whatever that is, was revealed to be unhealthy and advertising trammelled.

lol my mum seems to dissect every part of me every time I see her . My brothers are the same once I had false lashes on and he said why have you got those on ! You’re pretty enough without them … also contoured my face and mum was like why have you got all that slap on 🫠

lol

You did go through trauma most of us on this thread know nothing about the cane.

I think you're mixing 'boomers' up with their parents.

I’ve gained lots of weight in the last decade… and I know I used to be pretty… now I’m just fat and ugly!…
I don’t think she meant it how you’ve taken it and you’re being sensitive.
we all look prettier when we are within our bmi

I’m a boomer and I’m fat. I used to be thin when I was younger and my parents ( war babies/kids) placed high value on being thin equals being attractive while force feeding me as a child ie making me clear my plate and not wasting food. As a result I have very low self esteem and as a result I over eat. I’ve always placed my self worth on how I look which I know is wrong so I made sure my own kids know that they are beautiful and amazing human beings.

making me clear my plate and not wasting food. As a result I have very low self esteem and as a result I over eat.

It's not that simple. I think many people have been made to clear their plates and grew up hearing about the 'poor, starving people'. We certainly were. None of us over eat and as far as I know have low self esteem. On the other hand, a relative (on my ex's side of the family) entirely puts the 'blame' of her obesity at the hands of her parents for the same reasons. Genetics, your own personality and other experiences all play a part.

Lumping a whole generation into being twats, is pretty ignorant.

Sorry if your mum is horrible, but my mum who's a 'boomer' wouldn't dream of commenting on any of her kids weights and does not equate fat with horrible, so pleased keep shove your ageist opinions up your arse.