Apparently I'm beautiful NOW

[BlueSilverCats]

I have very slowly been losing weight. Mum has been making comments but I mostly downplayed it, not looking for compliments or mentioning it or anything.

Today she told me I'm actually beautiful now. Jeese... thanks mum. Only took 30 something years.

Every time she moaned at me for being fat it was always followed by "of course it's mainly about health". No , it's not. At least not to her.

Maybe we just know different "boomers".
I won't be sitting in any corners, I'm perfectly happy with what I said.

I’d be blown away if my mum called me beautiful under any circumstances. I’ve never been what I would call overweight but when I lost weight last year my mum kept saying I looked “just right”. Gee thanks Mum. This was obviously a passive-aggressive way of telling me not to put the weight back on. And earlier this year when she’d been in hospital after a fall she was delighted at how skinny she’d got, when she actually looked skeletal and at death’s door. I’m pretty sure she has an eating disorder and she’s definitely judgemental about “fat people” (her words) like she sees it as some kind of moral failure. I realise now that it’s about her and not me, but that doesn’t really help when that’s your mum and a kind word would go a long way, but all she ever does is criticise. I feel your pain xxx

@RebeccaRedhat Well I guess the term "Boomers" lopping together people from totally different back grounds and including those born in 1947 - post WWII - with rationing in place in their early years AND those growing up in the 60s with the emergence of fast food and freezers is pretty bonkers.
Sorry you did not realise I was only teasing about the naughty step. I guess my humour did not come through the text. Or is it an issue with your generation.... 😂

I think it is a boomer thing. A few weeks ago I was in hospital, I had been nil by mouth for a few days and then on fluids only, there was very little I was allowed to eat so the weight was flying off. I wasn't worried as I knew I had quite a lot to lose but it didn't help when my dad mentioned i could do with losing a lot more fluid off my fat ankles and more weight loss generally. At the time it felt quite rude and insensitive.

It's not necessarily all boomers but I think if anyone is going to say anything like that, it's more likely from that generation, they grew up with different values and expectations to younger people.

Don't sweat it , my mother is similar- I remember being 15 or 16 and she said "you'll never attract anyone looking like that, you should do this with your hair , etc, etc" She was shocked to her core when I replied , "I'm not taking advice off you , I don't think you are very attractive and your boyfriends are always awful". She didn't speak to me for days- you shouldn't dish it out if you can't take it.

The people who love you most tell you the truth, sycophants will tell you what you want to hear, or what they think makes them appear in the best light.

I think the reason that this thread has gone off at a tangent about the attitude of "boomers" is that people are getting unwelcome comments from their mothers and it just so happens that their mothers were born between 1947 and 1964.
I have seen people with mothers born in the 1920s and 1930s get similar comments.
There are younger people who also have massive issues about weight and body shape. I think it has gone worse if anything (or perhaps it's just expressed differently). It remains to be seen whether their daughters will grow up to get more of the same.
I still maintain that the real issue is that some women have low self esteem and focus on their weight. They are enmeshed with their daughters and project their issues onto them.
Not everyone in any generation has this issue but a sizable minority does.

My FIL is exactly the same. You could be describing him. Totally obsessed with weight. Shoehorns into every conversation how he had to do xyz amounts of exercise to "work off" his "vast dinner" which was literally just normal size. Hasnt got an original thought in his head but managed to float to the top of a multinational company. Retired just before he had to learn how to use a computer. Told me when my daughter was 12 weeks that i was clearly still carrying a lot of extra weight. But also, did it in a sneaky way when he had me cornered away from the others. Like he knew what he was saying was out of order. His horrible wife is even worse.

i hate it. I know we shouldnt make these generalisations about boomers (which my own parents are and, while they have both yo-yo'd a lot, are not obsessive about weight). But they really invite the criticism. Maybe they dont all think the same but enough of us have almost identical experiences that its more than just a coincidence

I completely disagree, it's nothing to do with being a "boomer", it's down to the individual no matter what age. My mum would never treat me like that, and she's classed as a "boomer", same for my ex mother-in-law and plenty of other older women I know. People of all different ages say nasty stuff about other people's weight, even these days.

Well said

Well said RecklessGoddess

Spot on

Gotta love those parental backhanded compliments!😁

I can remember as a teenager getting all dressed up only to have my mother look at me and say 'you almost look pretty!'

I mean, thanks!....that was 'almost' a compliment!😂

It’s never about health. I am thin and vape my life away… no one has ever expressed concerns about my “health” as much as when I was big.

YANBU

How many mothers would say such things to their daughters now? Only 10% maybe would dream of it. It’s considered terrible parenting. Whereas 30-40 years ago maybe 50% of mothers would say things. That’s the difference.

Same

I’m not a boomer but I think people are objectively more beautiful when they are slim compared to overweight / obese.

Maybe I’m missing something, but what is wrong with that? Why bother losing weight if it’s not objectively better?

I work in a care home as a cleaner, (I’m a hour glass figure size 12 with boobs-very glam 5ft 6) I have 70- 80 year old women talking to me whilst cleaning there home (size varies from 16-24) it must be hard cleaning all day with that excess weight or you have strong legs, have you always been podgy (laughing face literally) when I was your weight I struggled and I’m looking at them nodding politely, I’m sure they are all
delusional and have body dismorphia. It’s never ending and I’m small. I have to block it out as I have suffered with eating disorders for years because my mum tried to make me wear things I didn’t want to as a child. I’m pretty sure it was all caused by comments from my mum over the years I remember one time getting a knife and trying to cut my thigh fat off. They have no idea of the implications it can have on your mental health. I hope you’re ok. ❤️ when she says anything again just say I know a great Botox lady do you want her number 🤣

Boomer gets thrown around a lot.
The majority of boomers are a bit old to have children in their 30s.

The boomer generation have really really strange views regarding weight. Totally agree with these comments about that generations strange attitudes to weight. My mum didn’t even notice I had developed anorexia at 17 because she thought me losing weight was a good thing. That generation do base beauty on how slim someone is. So strange to us.

I grew up in the 50s. My mother always insisted we looked well-presented when we went out - clean and tidy and smart, she felt it was a reflection on her parenting I suppose. Nobody ever commented/praised us on our physical attributes so we didn't fret over our hair or skin or body shape and we were never complimented but just accepted as we were. I don't recall any of us being overweight but I do remember a large cousin who, it was whispered, had 'gland trouble'. Different times.

Yeah, as a Boomer, I do wonder. I don’t worry about anyone’s weight. Their business. 🤷‍♀️

When you say 'us' do you speak on behalf of every person in your generation?

Do you maybe have different views and opinions to your peers (and the other millions of people in your generation)?

For every child of a baby boomer with a parent who commented negatively about their own or their children's weight there will be a child of a baby boomer with a parent who didn't pass any judgement.

The boomer generation are those born between 1946-1964.

If someone born in 1964, had a child at 30yrs old then that child would have been born in 1994. If you were born in 1994, today you'd be exactly 30yrs old this year.....if that same person had 3 children at 30, 35, 38yrs then those kids would be in their 30s and their 20s now.

If you were born in 1946 and were 40yrs old when you had a baby - that baby was born in 1986 - making them 38yrs old now.

Most boomers started having children in their 20s right through their 30s and into their early 40s - the predominent fertile ages.

I have a friend whose Mum was born in early 50s - making her, 74yrs old now. But she had my friend at 44yrs old (the last of 5 children). Making my friend 30yrs old and again born early 90s.

I've only just turned 40yrs old - had this post been written last year I would have been in my 30s and my Mum was born in 1946.

Are you calculating boomers as having their children the day they were born without accounting for those woman growing up and having a 40yr fertility period?

Boomer parents are very very much a predominent parenting group of adults in their 30s and 40s now.