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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People announcing their good deeds?

132 replies

yswning · 02/12/2024 11:53

I’m part of the community Facebook group that as we all know gets weird and wonderful things posted. Someone just posted about how someone couldn’t pay for their bus fare as their card wasn’t working and so they jumped up and tapped their card to pay for them and they wanted to know if they got home ok (no mention of the person being vulnerable just that their card didn’t work).

And whilst that’s a lovely act, it just smacked me as a “I did a good deed and I need recognition”

I’ve seen someone else I know posting a photo from their car of a car accident with the emergency team. And how they’d seen the crash and they’d assisted the person. Again good deed but weird you had the thought of then photograph it as proof it happened..

I always try and do good deeds, I don’t need to document any of them and tell as many people as I can. Aibu?

OP posts:
Didimum · 03/12/2024 15:27

yswning · 03/12/2024 15:14

Spoken like a petulant child. “I’ll say what I want” despite being told you are factually incorrect.

I couldn’t care less stranger on the internet whether you agree or disagree with any of my opinion. You’re the one using “!” so evidently you’re the one annoyed.

Show quote history

I will say what I want because I'm an adult in charge of my own responses. if you don't care then why are so intent on arguing?

And, no, the ! is jovial. Perhaps you should work on how you take responses on forums, because you immediately didn't like that someone thought something different to you and you replied with hostility from the get go, despite it being a completely non-combative opinion. Surely you don't envisage every single response being in utter agreement with you? That's really unrealistic.

Flumoxed · 03/12/2024 17:05

Floogal · 03/12/2024 13:45

I live in a southern town with declining tourist industry. Unfortunately, there is a large visible homelessness problem. Of course, the local virtue signalling Pride of Britain wannabes love this on the local Facebook page. It does give me the raging arse hole. Some of the worst examples include:

"This is 'Pete'. He lives in the rain shelter by the beach. He's lovely and gives good hugs". Accompanied by a selfie of her with 'Pete'. Cue loads of ❤️🤗😍 emojis and 'if only more people were like you hun'.

Christmas's ago. This woman with two beautiful twin girls dressed up in matching winter clothes using them to hand out Christmas meals on paper plates to local street homeless (few weeks BEFORE Christmas). Obviously lots of photos and videos. Hoping to appear on ITV news 'and finally...' segment. Again lots of gushing.

One guy boasting about walking an intoxicated homeless woman back to her tent. And hoping she's ok. Thankfully people were more critical. Saying that they hadn't seen tents in that vicinity. And suggestions that he was a creep (the vast majority of street population are male, and would he have done the same for them).

Finally, last week there was this woman asking if the rough sleeper outside the high street shop was ok. Hence the gushing emojis and 'huns'. One of the comments suggested contacting the local homeless emergency hotline. Her response was, "I already have". Obviously wanting validation.

No one has thought of putting these people up in their own homes though. Or the caring community clubbing together for a deposit.

There is a homeless man in my home town (don't live there anymore but I'm still on the town Facebook community page). Lots of people posting in the first week he appeared and a gofundme was set up to get him back on his feet. They raised about £700-800 which was given to the man. Lots of messages like your example above saying "nice bloke, just had a chat, he needs a chance, such a sweetheart" etc.

He evidently went into a b&b for a few nights when it snowed and everyone congratulated themselves for "fixing" the issue. About 2-3 weeks later he was back sleeping rough and there were some really nasty messages from the same people, saying "you can't help some people" and "well where did all that money go?" and "something doesn't add up - why is he still out when we gave him that money?" and worse. This is in the southeast where a 1-bed bedsit would probably cost £800mo and need a month's deposit upfront. A b&b is about £80-£120 a night around here (hotels are probaly double that). £800 really doesn't go all that far once you pay for b&bs and food and you haven't been able to get a job in the preceeding 3 weeks or find permanent accommodation, but yeah... he just doesn't want to be helped. And lots of messages saying "well done for trying babe, so sad he didn't take the help that was offered, you just can't get through to some people, such a shame." The commenters really turned on this poor man and everyone seemed so cross because this man's continued homelessness had denied all the facebookers their happy ever after tale.

Floogal · 03/12/2024 17:31

@Flumoxed also the private rental market is very competitive. And the social housing is impossible unless you meet strict criteria. Furthermore, most employers wouldn't take on someone who is homeless (due to the fact they need a permanent address - as well as snobbery).

TigerRag · 03/12/2024 18:53

I'm currently seeing "reverse advent calendar" on FB. It's like they can't donate to a food bank without posting they've done that

Original poster
yswning · 03/12/2024 19:31

Didimum · 03/12/2024 15:27

I will say what I want because I'm an adult in charge of my own responses. if you don't care then why are so intent on arguing?

And, no, the ! is jovial. Perhaps you should work on how you take responses on forums, because you immediately didn't like that someone thought something different to you and you replied with hostility from the get go, despite it being a completely non-combative opinion. Surely you don't envisage every single response being in utter agreement with you? That's really unrealistic.

Show quote history

Are you still here?

OP posts:
Thevelvelletes · 04/12/2024 06:24

PoppyRoseBucky · 03/12/2024 14:04

Oh, I hate this so much.

It's like those people on TikTok/YouTube/SM who film themselves giving money or food donations to the homeless. You know for a fact if there were no cameras there-they'd walk right past those people and not bat an eyelid.

But because they've pulled the cameras out-and there's an opportunity for clicks and likes-they're desperate to get in on the action. It's just using the people for likes and it makes me incredibly uncomfortable as it feels almost borderline exploitative.

It's kind of like how some people feel the need to document every second of their day and post about it on social media. You know the kind-take pictures of their food people.

Like some people can't waste an opportunity to make themselves seem like good people and get applause and social media brownie points. If they don't post about it-did it actually happen?

I don't know-I know materially a good deed is still a good deed whether someone keeps it private or blasts it for the rest of the world to hear about. It's just when someone posts about it for no reason other than to score brownie points it makes me doubt their intentions and motives. Because you know if they didn't have the opportunity to post about it and score those pats on the back they likely wouldn't bother.

I can kind of see why someone may share that they've donated to X charity because it can 1) raise awareness of the charity and the cause they're supporting and 2) it can have a kind of contagious effect where it boosts donations as people feel encouraged to donate.

It takes a special kind of person to use a homeless person or another human being in distress as a prop for likes and look how caring I am.

Spidey66 · 04/12/2024 10:17

A colleague of my husband's once posted a pic on Facebook of her giving some change to a homeless man in New York.

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