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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He got someone else pregnant

107 replies

Sange295 · 01/12/2024 21:29

Been with someone on and off for a couple
Of years. Loads of reasons why we never made it official however, last 6 months we've
been great and we're finally fully committed.

In the times we've been 'off' I've been on dates etc. I've always been up front about any time I had so he was fully in the picture. He's accused me of doing other things but I've always been open and honest and it's always when we've not been together.

Anyway, last week he dropped the bombshell that last 'September' he got someone pregnant. He says it was when we weren't together.

I can't seem to get past it until I have proof of dates that we weren't together. He's saying I should leave it and move forward. I think the biggest thing annoying me is I've been accused and if he's been doing it well.... also, we were def sleeping with each other and he was giving me all the spiel of how much he loved me and I'm his world and bla bla. It was me who wouldn't commit due to a million red flags.

Anyway, I've said tonight I want proof. He's got defensive and said he has no proof. I'm now turning into some kind of psycho searching PA for any posts anyone might put.

AIBU for standing my ground on this one or just leave it and move on?

OP posts:
Plastictrees · 01/12/2024 21:31

Honestly just move on. This man is a spectacular waste of your time. Thank god you don’t have children with him and can have a clean break.

Doggymummar · 01/12/2024 21:32

I would be more concerned about his relationship with the mother of his child and the relationship with the child, because that's most likely how he will be with you.

Londonrach1 · 01/12/2024 21:33

Get yourself checked out for anything he might have passed to you as he was sleeping around. Then block him and move on. Be grateful you found out now!

Lavender14 · 01/12/2024 21:33

So if this guy has a million red flags why are you dating him?

This whole relationship sounds like a hot mess of drama and you're probably better just walking away now. I don't see how you'll get any proof of what you're looking for given the on off nature of the relationship but I really don't think this is worth it for a 6 month relationship with someone who's jealous and accusatory.

Throw this one back and leave him there. Plenty more fish in the sea!

Proseccoh · 01/12/2024 21:33

Just leave... you'll never trust him no matter what the outcome is.

BodyKeepingScore · 01/12/2024 21:35

What is it you want proof of?

He's been fairly explicit in that he wants you to move on so I'd do that and not look back. If he'd wanted to commit to you, he would have. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. He sounds like a man child.

LoyalTaupeTiger · 01/12/2024 21:37

So he had sex with someone while you were not together, and it resulted in a pregnancy (or am I reading that wrong?)

How long did he know before he told you?

Does he say that they they did or didn't use protection (mainly him, did he use a condom?)

EmmerdaleFan78 · 01/12/2024 21:37

Get rid of him. There’s someone better out there for you and I think you’ve had a lucky escape.

PassingStranger · 01/12/2024 21:37

Poor Child.

Original poster
Sange295 · 01/12/2024 21:38

Sorry !!! Totally wasn't clear in my OP.

We're still together ... the girl had an abortion and he went to the hospital with her to have it.

When he says move on, he means me forget it happened and move on with our relationship

OP posts:
Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 01/12/2024 21:39

Have an STI check and move on (without him).

lordloveadog · 01/12/2024 21:39

Move on - without him

Notimeforaname · 01/12/2024 21:42

Just break up with him. You aren't suited. It's not supposed to be that difficult.

Velvetbee · 01/12/2024 21:42

Dump.

GoldenSunflowers · 01/12/2024 21:43

He sounds like a nob regardless. Listen to those million red flags and move on as in drop the relationship and move on with your life. Two years of this to-ing and fro-ing drama must be getting pretty boring.

Jostuki · 01/12/2024 21:43

Hardly true love if neither of you were pining for each when you split but were off out seeing other people.

Time to drop him as there is now a stepchild for you which you hadn't bargained for.

BrightLightTonight · 01/12/2024 21:44

So if he can prove that you were separated at the time, you will take him back, and screw the other woman.

Really!

Plastictrees · 01/12/2024 21:45

Sange295 · 01/12/2024 21:38

Sorry !!! Totally wasn't clear in my OP.

We're still together ... the girl had an abortion and he went to the hospital with her to have it.

When he says move on, he means me forget it happened and move on with our relationship

Yeah, I stand by my original post. This relationship sounds too unstable and dramatic - unless you want a lifetime of this it is wise to get out now.

JingleB · 01/12/2024 21:46

DItch his duplicitous arse. He councealed that he was sleeping with someone else AND that there was a pregnancy and termination.

I can't imagine you could trust him on any of the bigger issues couples face.

SnoopySantaPaws · 01/12/2024 21:48

Sange295 · 01/12/2024 21:38

Sorry !!! Totally wasn't clear in my OP.

We're still together ... the girl had an abortion and he went to the hospital with her to have it.

When he says move on, he means me forget it happened and move on with our relationship

Why has he told you now??

Wherethewildthingsfart · 01/12/2024 21:48

You are being a fool. This isn’t a committed loving relationship, this is fuckbuddies.
Yabu to think that it could be anything other than what it says on the tin.

Do you have dc? (Hopefully no dc involved in this mess).

DelphiniumBlue · 01/12/2024 21:51

Surely you know if you were together or not? He’s said it was last September, what more proof do you need?^^

Stirrednshaken · 01/12/2024 21:54

What a shit show. You should be more concerned that he's not fussed about the child he created.

Tuhlula · 01/12/2024 21:55

On off relationships never progress to being successful commited relationships. Just leave him and move on. Raise your standards.

Franjipanl8r · 01/12/2024 21:56

This is so grim. Why on earth are you with this loser?

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