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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He got someone else pregnant

107 replies

Sange295 · 01/12/2024 21:29

Been with someone on and off for a couple
Of years. Loads of reasons why we never made it official however, last 6 months we've
been great and we're finally fully committed.

In the times we've been 'off' I've been on dates etc. I've always been up front about any time I had so he was fully in the picture. He's accused me of doing other things but I've always been open and honest and it's always when we've not been together.

Anyway, last week he dropped the bombshell that last 'September' he got someone pregnant. He says it was when we weren't together.

I can't seem to get past it until I have proof of dates that we weren't together. He's saying I should leave it and move forward. I think the biggest thing annoying me is I've been accused and if he's been doing it well.... also, we were def sleeping with each other and he was giving me all the spiel of how much he loved me and I'm his world and bla bla. It was me who wouldn't commit due to a million red flags.

Anyway, I've said tonight I want proof. He's got defensive and said he has no proof. I'm now turning into some kind of psycho searching PA for any posts anyone might put.

AIBU for standing my ground on this one or just leave it and move on?

OP posts:
MadnessIsMyMiddleName · 01/12/2024 22:02

Sorry OP, but you'd have to be mad to continue with this relationship. It really doesn't matter whether you were together or not, this relationship is clearly one MASSIVE red flag. Get rid of him and find someone that you have things in common with, and that REALLY makes you happy. DON'T rush things, give a relationship time to develop, and if things don't develop in a way you like, then the guy is NOT for you, so you keep looking. Surely you're not SO DESPERATE, that you want to lumber yourself with someone you clearly don't trust?

Abridget7 · 01/12/2024 22:03

sounds like a terrible ‘relationship’ and a waste of time. Move on before he does.

PlopSofa · 01/12/2024 22:04

It sounds like a lot of hard work.

I'd just move on. He sounds like he's got a lot of baggage and issues.

Next.

AffableApple · 01/12/2024 22:05

Wtf did I just read? Ditch him and get to a clinic ASAP. Also this is not a "finally fully committed relationship", and I'm really sad you've wasted time thinking it is. What a mess. Move on, please. x

RedVelvetIcing · 01/12/2024 22:06

The whole thing is a mess. You either have to accept you’ve been on/off too many times to remember or end it for good.

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/12/2024 22:07

Relationships can and should be easy, fun, mutually respectful and supportive, truthful, loving, calm.

This one is few or none of those. Expect better and move on! You won’t meet anyone better while pissing around with this one.

DreadPirateRobots · 01/12/2024 22:10

If the two of you actually worked as a couple, you wouldn't be doing this on off crap. Just end it.

5128gap · 01/12/2024 22:18

You have very little chance of a stable future in this relationship. You have an established pattern of seeing each other as someone to pick up and drop as the mood takes you, and as just an option amongst others. You don't value each other in the way you should a life partner. You won't take each other seriously as you have trained each other that break ups are just 'time out' and you'll plod back towards each other when you're ready. Add to this that he is irresponsible and the fact you don't trust him, and you don't need a crystal ball to predict you are heading for a tedious cycle of drama after row, off and on, on and off..until one of you inevitably calls time. Trouble is, you might have kids and a mortgage by then.

MounjaroUser · 01/12/2024 22:19

Ugh he's like someone off Jeremy Kyle. You can do so much better than him.

SwerveCity · 01/12/2024 22:20

Don’t waste any more time on him.

Slooodie359 · 01/12/2024 22:20

you at least deserve to know who what where this OW is, and his commitment to child as it will be part of your life if you stay,
but think u shouldn’t.

one night stand ?

You have need to know his this impacts you. No different really from u being pregnant from someone else.

Christmaseason · 01/12/2024 22:21

Why are you wasting your life being with him?

Jl2014 · 01/12/2024 22:24

For goodness sake. This sounds like a dead end relationship. Move on

Bloodybrambles · 01/12/2024 22:29

I was seeing DH for about a month before I referred to him as my boyfriend. He tried his hardest to act normal (he was smiling from ear to ear).

That was that, a couple of years later we were married. In that time the only disagreement we had was if Christmas trees need watering.

Just move on. Not worth (the free) text back

Crushed23 · 01/12/2024 22:32

Plastictrees · 01/12/2024 21:31

Honestly just move on. This man is a spectacular waste of your time. Thank god you don’t have children with him and can have a clean break.

Yeah this.

He sounds like an utter cock.

Bin & move on.

allthatfalafel · 01/12/2024 22:32

This wouldn't bother me unless it was in the time frame of you calling it official. Why do you suspect it wasn't?

ManhattanPopcorn · 01/12/2024 22:35

Forget the proof. It makes no difference. This relationship is going nowhere good. Make a clean break.

MinnieDelight · 01/12/2024 22:36

It’s not clear from your post whether you’re frustrated because he led you to believe he hadn’t slept with anyone else while you were apart, or because you think he cheated on you when you were together?

Why did he fess up now? Are those reasons you weren’t together officially now resolved? Or is this at the crux of your concerns?

If it’s hard proof you feel you need in order to move then presumably he can give you the date of the abortion, and how many weeks she was? If you want to go full bunny boiler and you know who it was with you could cross check that with her. But if you really want to stay with him I think you might need to just draw a line under it. Foundations of sand though…..

CaptainRedbeardandbigbadbarry · 01/12/2024 22:37

Run for the absolute hills and don’t look back.

Set your bar higher and walk away from this creep.

Viviennemary · 01/12/2024 22:38

Your on off relationship sounds very unstable indeed. It's a waste of time IMHO.,

ShinyPebble32 · 01/12/2024 22:38

Whether you were with him at the time or not, why would you want to be in a relationship with a man who has a baby on the way with someone else?

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/12/2024 22:38

So you didnt commit because of the red flags, and now you have so what changed?

Genuine question.

As for whether you stay with him or move on, I think you know that answer to that.

This is just a hunch.......no proof, just my thoughts after a lifetime that has turned me into a massive cynic.

Why did he tell you about the pregnancy? You mention that he went with her for the termination. Is he the kind of person who would take something like that and turn it into "proof" that he is a good guy? "Well this woman I was seeing got PG but I didnt just leave her to it, I took her to the hospital and stayed with her and looked after her......" with the implication that he is a hero for doing that. When you reacted badly, he got cross and said "its not important so just move on and forget about it" (so not a hero at all as to him it doesnt matter and he only mentioned it to try and big himself up....epic fail.)

GoldenLegend · 01/12/2024 22:39

Dump him. If you stay with him you won't feel able to trust him. He sounds pretty flaky anyway.

Switcher · 01/12/2024 22:39

Been there. Just bin him. Complete waste of time.

coxesorangepippin · 01/12/2024 22:40

Move on

Honestly what's the point

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