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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He got someone else pregnant

107 replies

Sange295 · 01/12/2024 21:29

Been with someone on and off for a couple
Of years. Loads of reasons why we never made it official however, last 6 months we've
been great and we're finally fully committed.

In the times we've been 'off' I've been on dates etc. I've always been up front about any time I had so he was fully in the picture. He's accused me of doing other things but I've always been open and honest and it's always when we've not been together.

Anyway, last week he dropped the bombshell that last 'September' he got someone pregnant. He says it was when we weren't together.

I can't seem to get past it until I have proof of dates that we weren't together. He's saying I should leave it and move forward. I think the biggest thing annoying me is I've been accused and if he's been doing it well.... also, we were def sleeping with each other and he was giving me all the spiel of how much he loved me and I'm his world and bla bla. It was me who wouldn't commit due to a million red flags.

Anyway, I've said tonight I want proof. He's got defensive and said he has no proof. I'm now turning into some kind of psycho searching PA for any posts anyone might put.

AIBU for standing my ground on this one or just leave it and move on?

OP posts:
mumda · 02/12/2024 00:18

Complicated and not something I'd be wanting to continue. You should let it go and move on to being single.

HolyPeaches · 02/12/2024 00:22

Anyway, I've said tonight I want proof.

Why?

What is “proof” going to do to make this situation better?

He doesn’t care about you. Or respect you.

Tell him it’s over. Block him. And move on.

SnoopySantaPaws · 02/12/2024 00:23

ShinyPebble32 · 01/12/2024 22:38

Whether you were with him at the time or not, why would you want to be in a relationship with a man who has a baby on the way with someone else?

@ShinyPebble32 no baby. The other one had an abortion.

Elf36 · 02/12/2024 00:25

Can I suggest you get counselling OP to help you get a better grip of your self worth. I genuinely think it could help.

TheScoop · 02/12/2024 00:32

Bloody hell, too much drama from this loser. I’d rather be alone than settle for this sort of shite. You deserve better. There is better out there and until you find it, move on more quickly from these time wasters.

magiciansgirlonce · 02/12/2024 00:44

Get rid of him, because if you don't when you are older it may be too late and you will wish so much that you had got away from him.

Chloe42 · 02/12/2024 00:45

Just leave him, he's not the one for you or there wouldn't be on and off.

magiciansgirlonce · 02/12/2024 00:46

Wise advice from all.

adriftinadenofvipers · 02/12/2024 01:08

Oh god this is just too complicated! Move on!

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 02/12/2024 01:14

Any man, or woman for that matter, who causes their partner to have to be STD-checked should be binned immediately.

Whowahway123 · 02/12/2024 01:17

This happened to me.

Right down to the detail of on/off relationship, pregnancy-abortion whilst off, forgive him, on/ off again.

Then guess what happened - we had an 'off' and he got her pregnant, AGAIN!!! This time she kept the child. She is now nearly 3.

Stupidly, we're still on/off.

Don't be me. You are worth more than it.

mathanxiety · 02/12/2024 01:17

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/12/2024 22:07

Relationships can and should be easy, fun, mutually respectful and supportive, truthful, loving, calm.

This one is few or none of those. Expect better and move on! You won’t meet anyone better while pissing around with this one.

Yes to this.

Do you like all the drama, OP?

mathanxiety · 02/12/2024 01:20

TheLyingBitchintheWardrobe · 01/12/2024 23:57

He wants to clear his conscious and see if you let him get away with it. He is literally telling you WHO HE IS

Show quote history

This

QueenBitch666 · 02/12/2024 01:27

Dump the scrote

DreadPirateRobots · 02/12/2024 07:19

Ah yes, two lines so common in the great love stories of our time: "he's different when he's sober" and "he got someone else pregnant".

Seriously, do you hear yourself?

PastaAndProse · 02/12/2024 07:22

Find your self respect OP and move on from this man. He isn't the one. Don't leave it until you have his children and are financially dependent to realise that.

x2boys · 02/12/2024 07:30

Last September as in a couple of months ago or September 2023 ?
If it was a couple of months ago ,then he's cheated as you said the last six months you have been together?

Eetzup · 02/12/2024 07:42

Ugh. Don't you want more for yourself than this, OP?

Or are you the kind of person who believes all of this dramatic back-and-forth is really proof that you're star-crossed lovers who are battling against the odds to fulfil your destiny to finally be together?

Tip: it's actually just seedy and sleazy. Bin him and get some self-respect.

JadedVeryJaded · 02/12/2024 07:46

Please throw out this piece of Jeremy Kyle trash. Don’t even bother looking at dates etc. The whole thing will ruin your mental health and self esteem.

bluebeck · 02/12/2024 07:48

Eyresandgraces · 01/12/2024 22:49

Of course he can remember.
It’s not just an ordinary day is it going to the abortion clinic.
He doesn’t want you to know when he was having sex with other people.

Yeah. You know this is true OP.

Dump him and move on.

AxolotlEars · 02/12/2024 08:21

Just someone telling me to "leave it and move on" would be enough for me to leave them and move on!

Venturini · 02/12/2024 08:24

What are you doing? This isn't a dress rehearsal..... why waste valuable time and energy on that shite

MondayYogurt · 02/12/2024 08:41

Just a reminder that on/off (intermittent reinforcement) is a method of creating an addictive cycle.

Handy that he always has an excuse though, isn’t it.

betterangels · 02/12/2024 08:47

Why would you want this drama in your life? I agree it sounds like Carrie and Big energy, and there is nothing good about that.

Calliopespa · 02/12/2024 08:47

BrightLightTonight · 01/12/2024 21:44

So if he can prove that you were separated at the time, you will take him back, and screw the other woman.

Really!

Yes I agree. With the extent of the on-again, off-again dynamic, the exact date sounds largely beside the point to me op.

This isn’t a sound relationship . You are both using each other to gap fill by the sounds of it ( or one of you is). Pick me up to drop me down. Just use this as a catalyst to move on properly.

Also he’s not likely to have proof.