Is it normal to buy ex husband a Xmas present from kids

[Itsbeginningtolookalot]

General opinions on this one please.

Just had a text from ex MIL asking if I am getting ex husband a present from the kids for Xmas.

Things aren't on good terms and she is aware of this, he has been awful to me! We separated a year ago, divorced in August. Just wondering what other people do...

For the last 4 years me and exh always bought each other something from the kids. This year I won't bother. Last Christmas I got him a lovely fleece which wasn't cheap, and it was from a store he always would have bought from. His now partner had it up on vinted in March for 10£. Also Last year on Christmas morning when he came out to see the kids open their santa gifts, he told me he'd got me a gift but forgot to bring it. Told me the same on boxing day and day after. Never got it yet.
My sister had got me a beautiful necklace for Christmas, and she ended up giving it to my kids to give to me so I would have something to open from them. This year I gave my sister 100£ so she could take my kids and let them choose something It sounds petty but I was so hurt last year that he couldnt even bother, considering I have the kids 6 days a week and every single thing they get for Christmas I pay for. All he had to do was show up and take over and enjoy all my hard work. Not this year

Yes I do, the kids tell me what they want to get him. When they are bigger, I will just give them the money to go shopping on their own.

He also comes here on Christmas Day because he has no family in our town. But we are quite amicable so it’s fine, suspect arrangements will change when he meets someone new.

Exactly this. I get ex gifts from DC because it makes THEM not HIM happy. He reciprocates for the same reason . I actually get nicer gifts from ‘ DC’ ( from him ) now than when we were together. We both put the kids happiness first.

yes - but i wouldnt if we didnt get on!

from the kids only, not me!

I do it, even though I don't like him very much, because I think it's important to model the behaviour I want to see in my kids.

He also does it for me, and funny thing is, even though he made next to zero effort for birthdays/Christmas etc when we were together, he now seems to have developed a kind of competitiveness because the gift is "from the kids", so I actually get stupidly expensive stuff (he still pays minimum child support though, lol).

I do, for all occasions. For the sake of the kids. He doesn’t get me anything tho!

Of course you do. You are not doing it for him, you are doing for the kids.

Just no, let his mum pick up the slack.

I do buy on behalf of the kids buy really spend no more that £ 15 as he is an arse. I do it for the kids

You can just say no, OP. MIL probably asked you because it would look weird for him to get two lots of presents. She'll do it.

I always helped my children get a present for their dad until they were old enough to do it on their own.
It was more for the kids than for him.
I tried very hard not to get the kids involved in adult problems.

DD was 5 when I got divorced (now in her 30s). Didn’t cross my mind to buy Christmas or birthday presents from her for exH once we’d split. If your exH is an arse, I’d be giving a hard no. Let the ex MIL do it if she’s that bothered.

I did when DDs were young until he shouted saying the gift wasn’t what he wanted. They/I never bought for him again until the youngest (20+ years later) gave him a gift on her wedding day as a memento , he didn’t like it, and left on the table.

Have your MiL ask the DC what they would like to give their father and have her buy and wrap it.

I do. They always buy him a nice pair of sheepskin slippers from Celtic and co rather than individual gifts. I don’t really put any mental effort into it.

In part it’s a politeness thing it’s awkward for them to go to his and unwrap their presents whilst he has nothing. I would say we are quite even on costs and split stuff 50/50. I think I’d be less generous if he wasn’t contributing his fair share.

But what message does that say to the kids and the next generation? If you have a DD then she as a woman is not serving of the same care and attention(it’s not the present really is it?). And similarly if you have a DS he is growing up expecting presents because your facilitated this. Won’t they recall that they NEVER bought YOU a present.

Different if reciprocated or good relationship with X.

I’ve always done it, even when we haven’t gotten on because it’s not about me. It’s about my kids being able to give a present to their dad which would make them happy

I helped dc buy for their father until they were old enough to buy themselves. Even bought the new partner gifts... but only for sake of dc

I do, but I always buy Chocolate that the kids like and help him eat and something they like, ( a bottle of Vodka that she wanted the empty bottle after) 😏

I did it until my daughter moved in full time with me then we stopped. She got presents from her mum till then so it seemed the decent this to do

Hahah yup

I did this for the first Father's Day and bday then stopped when he was vile to me and stopped accepting from him. We have a baby who doesn't understand.
I pass on Father's Day cards that he makes at nursery and that's it.
When my baby is older if he wants to get or make his dad something I'll support him to do that but only if the idea comes from him.
BUT if I had a decent ex then I would do it

This

LOL I used to get those messages from MIL until I said he never got me anything for my birthday/Mother's Day/Christmas

I think they make cards at school anyway

That's a nice idea MIL. I think given everything that's gone on this year, that's best coming from you. I wouldn't want them to miss out on a gift from the kids and this means you get to spend some nice time shopping with them too!! When shall I drop them at yours?