To find second hand presents disrespectful

[BeBlueSquid]

We have a family member who always gifts us second hand gifts and it is obvious that they are.
I wasn't so bothered about myself but now my 4yo daughter has started to realise for example the book is worn and the toys are dirty.
I must add that they are very well off and besides you can get a little toy or book most places for £10.

I have no issue at all with secondhand presents BUT I would expect them to be in good condition, not dirty or too worn.

The issue is that they are worn/dirty. You can get plenty of second hand stuff in excellent condition.

Second-hand is thoughtful in of itself. It should be clean though.

Depends why they do it. Are they environmentally conscious? Even if they are, you would hope that any 2nd hand toys gifted would be in good condition and not tatty. Personally I'd welcome second hand as feel concerned about the environment. But it shouldn't look shabby or not nice for a gift

I wouldn’t give second hand presents. I’d pass stuff on that I didn’t want, but not as a gift.

One womans second hand is another womans retro/vintage or antique item, so it really depends what it is.

The only issue I'd have is the stuff being dirty and damaged rather than not being new.

I feel like it’s a quick ok what does my child not play with anymore that we can wrap up. It just doesn't feel very thoughtful especially when it’s not age appropriate to my child anymore either.

Do you mean ‘second hand’ or ‘re-gifted’? A teacher friend often gives me scented candles, hand lotion etc that I’m pretty sure were end of term teacher presents! That’s fine by me (and if I don’t like them they’re donated to the village fete in the summer).

I agree. I think regifting is a bit naff unless it’s something very specific that you know the person wants.

If people are too skint to buy a present don’t buy a present. Don’t give something you don’t want and pass it off as being “sustainable”. It’s much more sustainable to not gift at all.

Why not? My DP got given an expensive bottle of single malt whiskey, except he doesn't like whiskey, so we wrapped it up and gave it to someone who would appreciate it when it was their birthday. I see no issue.

These days, thinking of environmental issues it seems a good idea to reuse and pass on items. However if items are to be passed on as an actual gift at special times ...like birthdays or Christmas ...they should be really immaculate in my opinion. In a like new condition. If I was doing this I would want to offer something which if new would be a lot more expensive if new than what I would normally spend. For example a fully equipped kitchen or bike Something which would hopefully delight the recipient and be a saving for the parents. I would also check with the parents that such a gift would be welcome. Other cheaper or more used things I want to move on would simply be offered as extras not as gifts or passed to a charity
.

Nothing wrong with secondhand if the gifter is being a bit discerning about what they're buying. I can even get behind regifting if it's just something you happen not to want or he able to use. Passing off your own used stuff as a gift is definitely a bit off though.

We have had both. I’m the same with the re-gifted i don't think much in to it and they are given to someone (not as gift) or charity. Its more the used gifts thats bothered me this time.

I think it really depends.

I have always bought lots of things second hand. And I think it’s great for parents to buy second hand toys as presents if they are in good condition. BUT a present is meant to be a special treat and I would not buy second hand for someone else’s child.

I have received second hand items from a couple of relatives and it made me feel like they felt I didn’t deserve anything better.

Second hand in brand new condition is fine
Dirty or worn gifts absolutely not and I agree it is disrespectful and unkind
I would feel that the giver doesn't even like me and I would be very tempted to put it back on their doorstep!( I would intercept and open gift first)

I will regift (fellow teacher receiver of many unwanted candles and bath sets here!!) if I think someone would particularly want something, or maybe to my child’s teacher/brownie leader. And unused/unwanted kids birthday presents (before they are used!). I’ll even gift things which I’ve got in charity shops if they’re brand new and in immaculate condition (I’ve picked up unopened craft sets and those dolly sticker books for like £1 before) - but they do have to look like new. I would never give something which was tatty, worn, or one of my kids old toys - I’d just give it to them as a hand me down, but I wouldn’t dress it up as a present.

Gifts to me are about the thought not the cost and they are the first

I sometimes regift things because they're so nice I would rather pass them on to someone who would enjoy them more than me, like my mum. She really appreciates expensive smellies (Jo Malone, etc) and I just wear Nivea and have very simple tastes.

Yes I agree. My mum buys my children second hand stuff for Xmas which is odd as she buys my nieces brand new stuff. They aren't even thoughtful either as they are stuff my children aren't into and I don't even buy them second hand stuff myself and wouldn't

I see that as regifting not second hand and I see nothing wrong with regifting something you don't like to avoid it going to waste.

What OP is describing is they go pick stuff their kids have used that is in bad condition and gift it to her kids for Christmas and to show its not about being thoughtful it's things that either her kids have also outgrow or is not relevant for their age.

It would be different if they were buying second hand stuff that is still nice and in good condition maybe due to concerns about the environment etc but just picking random used stuff from your children's pile every year is rubbish and so tightfisted.

I love second hand gifts because it means I don't have to look at the item with pure guilt about landfill. Yet it will end up in landfill but I'm giving it a second life (and I'll give it to someone next).

We need to change our attitude towards re-gifting.
It's one of the biggest ways we can preserve the resources of the planet for future generations.

Mend, re-use, re-gift
-needs to be the new mantra of the human race.

I'd personally like a second-hand item if it could be described as vintage or retro or was something thoughtful. I wouldn't mind a chipped teapot in a certain pattern or some art whose frame had a few dings or scratches. An out of print book I'd been searching for would be clasped to my bosom regardless of condition.

I would feel miffed if a gift was clearly something old or worn out of the giver's that was wrapped and handed to me with no evidence of thought behind it. That's just cheap and mean. Doing that to a child shows disrespect for someone who doesn't have the power to give the cold shoulder or decide to throw it out. It's telling the child that her place is at the bottom of the heap. Anyone who does this is not a nice person.

Ive got no issue with regifting, but I think you are upset that no thought goes into the gifts and they are dirty or well worn.

If I were you I'd just say I'd like to stop swapping gifts this year and make up some excuse and buy your children an extra gift you know they really want instead. The fact that its apparent to you that they put no effort into the gifts means they will probably jump at the suggestion.

What the OP is describing would be analogous to regifting a bottle of whisky that had been opened and a glass or two poured out.