To find second hand presents disrespectful

[BeBlueSquid]

We have a family member who always gifts us second hand gifts and it is obvious that they are.
I wasn't so bothered about myself but now my 4yo daughter has started to realise for example the book is worn and the toys are dirty.
I must add that they are very well off and besides you can get a little toy or book most places for £10.

A mended gift for someone dear at Christmas i don't think i can get on board with.
I definitely do think of the planet. Re-gifting - yes if i know they will like it more than myself. Re-using - of course my children pass down all their toys.
I don’t feel this situation is the same.

Depends! I used to buy second hand gifts from the op shop and redo them. A expensive broken lemax village peice flipped and fixed makes a lovely gift. For a kid? Mabye a used vintage book or clean toy.

"Disrespectful" 🙄Someone kindly giving you a present isn't showing you enough 'respect'? Awful, awful attitude. It's fine to have preferences but people throwing around the word 'disrespectful' about anything that doesn't exactly align with what they'd want are part of what's wrong with the world today.

Second hand toys can be cleaned easily, and the wooden ones given a coat of paint. I bought a second hand play kitchen, cleaned it , removed numerous stickers, and my grandchildren loved it and played with it for years.

Your options as I see them is to speak up which may result in the relationship ending but I would be tempted to say there is no need for gifts anymore. Or give them a dose of their medicine and gift their kids similar stuff.

Or just ignore and get rid of it every year.

I'd cut your losses and have a laugh about it. It can be a family joke every year. 'What will Uncle X get this year'!

I say this because you say the toys are dirty and your relative should have cleaned the grime away before wrapping it. I'm all for 2nd hand items.

Yes a vintage book etc is thoughtful and good but what OP is saying is they take used stuff from their children's toys etc to gift to her kids and they are in bad condition.

It's like last minute of no we forgot ok wrap that for them.

That’s not the same as gifting a book you’ve already read, or a pair of trousers that you’ve worn. The bottle of whiskey is still effectively new unless you’ve drunk some of it. I wouldn’t class that as ‘second hand’.

I will and have gifted bigger presents like a scooter or a bike and spent the "present allowance" on a matching cycle helmet or knee pads etc.

I'll also adjust budget so I can give something like a scooter for birthdays (which I could sell online) and then give more for Christmas.

I'll clean it etc. and spruce it up before giving it.

Not about money. Wholly environmental.

And in return, recipients parents will give my two larger gifts like a PS4 and games bought second hand. No problem with it.

When my dc were early teens I asked them if they wanted fewer new presents, or were they happy for me to continue buying second hand when appropriate, but then they might get another couple of presents depending on price.
They all said that they'd rather have second hand. They're adults now and are still happy with second hand presents.

I do check they're in reasonable condition and working first, but they wouldn't have an issue with a book they wanted to read with a damaged cover for example.

I don't have a problem with second hand. There is far too much waste in the world without buying something new that you can just as easily get second hand BUT it has to be in good condition and clean. DH is getting a second hand Lego kit for Christmas it is in perfect condition, has the instructions and I've just put it in a Christmas box as it didn't have the original box.

When the kids were too little to understand they got lots of toys second hand that we just wouldn't have been able to get them new.

Now if they want something expensive I tell them they can have just that 1 thing new from the shop or I can get them a good quality second hand version and some other bits and bobs and let them decide.

First post nails it.

I don't mind regifting if it's thoughtfully done but last year a friend who's a teaching assistant gave me what were clearly unwanted tombola items. One of them was sugared jellied sweets. Seriously, that she thought we'd eat that crap was embarrassing. She knows us better than that.

Yes, I'd find that hurtful, too.

Ooh...Send them my way! I love a soft juicy jellied sweet! {as a rare treat!} they were forbidden in my childhood- so I see them as a luxury.

There is a vast difference between giving someone a first edition of a book that they love, it's tatty and worn but completely legible - that's a great gift, and my Nan trying to give me her prolapse cuff as a novelty 70's bracelet. That's thoughtless, and weird. She also gave me a dirty and broken lampshade by turning it upside down and telling me it was a fruit bowl.

Entirely agree. I am giving a number of secondhand books this Christmas.

I have received used toiletries from my in laws the past few years! Mind you my MIL doesn't like me so I'm sure it's a deliberate act!

90% of the Christmas presents I've got this year are from vinted or charity shops. However they are all either unopened or practically unused.

This sounds very annoying and I'd just do the same for presents for her!

Regifting is fine, but not passing on old tat! Someone I know gives old bath sets she’s bought in charity shops. They are very obviously from a few seasons ago and sometimes have dates on, showing they’re way out of date. I really don’t want 6 year old hand cream that’s gone crusty thanks!

I wouldn't give someone else a gift that clearly had been used. If it was second-hand I'd want it as-new quality really. I have bought some used stuff for my own kids that has clearly been used but I don't give it as a gift, it's just a 'Look what I found!' type thing.

Stuff that is dirty/worn isn't really appropriate for gifting IMO. Keep it for your own use.

No objection to second hand in principle (often prefer it for environmental reasons) but agree they shouldn’t be dirty. Where is the relative even getting them? Most charity shops wouldn’t sell dirty toys and books!

I would rather have no present that some second hand dirty torn tat…..I have got one a my GC a second hand bike for Christmas….but it’s never been used …you can tell from the tyres ….not even been on outside ground…..looked at some that had scratches and rust and rips in seats….wouldn’t even entertain them

I prefer to receive high quality secondhand gifts, but they should be cleaned beforehand.

Curious to know what presents said family member expects to get. They're often the type who make it clear they want designer perfumes and makeup, expensive handbags etc.