Toddler Screen Time

[Gmary22]

So, I have a very active 12 month old, she's been walking for a couple of months now, is very active and doesn't really like to play with toys independently for extended periods. I should add she's hitting all of her milestones early and is a very switched on, bright, happy little girl.

DH and I have been falling out as he thinks she should have no screen time at all, but the reality is, if she doesn't have any screen time, it means he needs constant entertaining which I/we just don't have the energy for all the time, so she ends up just wandering around the house whining. Plus sometimes I feel like she just needs a break as well!

I am a SAHM and I do something with her everyday, either going to a play morning at the local children's center, going to a soft play or to the park, or to rhyme time. I also make sure we read books at home, we play, go on lots of walks and to the shops every day. But, sometimes I have no energy and just need a break, so I put miss Rachel on for half an hour or so. My husband used to be fine with this but all of a sudden after reading an article that said children should no screen time he doesn't want her to have any.

This is making life difficult, for example its Sunday, we've just put the Christmas tree up, we've had a long weekend and were tired, baby is teething so none of us are getting much sleep and she's grumpy. I sat down to write this post, so I put Christmas Miss Rachel songs on for baby, DH has come in, turned it off and sat there just bouncing a ball as an attempt to play with her, she's walked off uninterested and and is now grabbing my laptop crying wanting to be picked up.

Sometimes I/we all just need a break, especially when were tired and don't have the energy to play properly. We all just get grumpy with each other and none of us are relaxing or having fun. I've explained to him that the problem is using screens all day so they children don't get other experiences, but that I am doing things with her every day and unless he has the energy to play with her, just turning he TV off and watching her whing until I step in and entertain her isn't really helping anyone.

She doesn't watch a lot of TV, about an hour a day, usually while I'm making dinner or need a rest in the early evening because I'm tired after being active all day and 90% of the time its Miss Rachel which is educational.

Am I being unreasonable? Should we be constantly entertaining our 1 year old never having a break to watch half an hour of TV with her?

I've read studies where screen time pre 2 years old can have a detrimental impact on brain development...
BUT I'm yet to understand how the studies can possibly not take into account other things so, personally, I take the approach that everything in moderation is helpful all around. I have two kids and I'm 8m pregnant, are we currently sat watching TV? - yes.
Have I played with them all afternoon? Even with slime which I absolutely hate (and mario kart races which I love) - also yes.
Did I let them both watch their tablet in bed this morning so I could doze in bed for an extra hour - indeed I did.
I use it as a tool, one that helps me keep my sanity.

Am I being unreasonable? Should we be constantly entertaining our 1 year old never having a break to watch half an hour of TV with her?

You don't have to constantly entertain. You put the child in a room that is safe and with toys/ activities available. If she's bored she will find something to entertain herself with eventually.

Thanks for your message. This sounds lovely, but she would just cry. Have you tried this with your own children when they were 12 months old? How did you get it to work?

Whilst I'm not anti screens completely (although aware of the evidence I feel it's unrealistic and dogmatic) I do think you also need to allow them to get bored. They have completely different perspectives to us and will find entertainment, and that is likely following around adults observing and mimicking.

Nothing wrong with a little bit of tv. So 10-15 minutes.

How about music or stories on a yoto box so similar for down time?

Thanks for your message. This sounds lovely, but she would just cry.

Why would she just cry? 1 year olds don't really get bored, they're designed to find entertainment and learn from the world around them.

Do you think she's crying for the tv? What do you do while she watches tv?

I think the ‘it’s good for children to get bored’ is used out of context a bit on here. It’s fine for children of say, four plus, to be inventive with games and toys but under that age it’s not realistic and they just end up causing mayhem.

My older child also spent a year waking at 5, and I will not apologise for putting the TV on then!

But I do think ideally it should be TV - not phones or tablets.

Alternatively you could try a Tonie box, she may like the music.

I have a nearly 2 year old and if we’ve had a busy day and been the park, activities etc then I really don’t see an issue with an hour or 2 of screen time.
I don’t give him an iPad, it’ll be something on the living room TV.. But today for example we’ve been to see grandparents, then the shops, been the park and the cafe - so out the house from about 11am- 5pm and now we’re watching Toy Story having a cuddle.. I honestly can’t see an issue with it in moderation.

She can play independently for 15 mins or so here and there but not for extended periods, usually when I put some Miss Rachel on for her I sit and watch it with her as I need a sit down and a rest! Were your children able to play independently for extended periods at this age? If so, do you have any advice on how to do this?

It’s absolutely fine. If he doesn’t want her to have screen time when he’s home then he can be the one entertaining her.

Thanks, for your message. People have been suggesting letting her "get bored", but she's 1, they don't do imaginative play at this age, its more sensory based, so just ignoring her and letting her cry is just cruel imo and worse than her watching a bit of TV. I have a CV player and put different music on for her every day, and I have got her a yoto box for christmas so she can listen to music on there, but I don't understand how people can get their 1 year olds to play independently for hours on end or even with you, she loses interest very quickly. If people have tips I genuinely would like to hear them as I would love for her to be able to play a little bit more independently every now and again.

Doesn’t she nap for 2+ hours a day? I personally didn’t find getting a break or getting things done was too much of a struggle with this age because of naps. But then I totally get you might also want to grab a cuppa or heaven forbid go for a wee in private during her awake time and then I’d see no issue with 15 mins of vaguely educational TV. If you’re the SAHP and DH rarely (ever??) has her on his own then he probably doesn’t get the relentlessness of it. Maybe organise to be out for a whole day sometime soon and he might get it a bit more?! I’d also be seething that he’s declared no TV then isn’t actually bothering to entertain her properly so she’s clawing at your laptop.

And thinking about it logically… if it wasn’t your first child then ‘no screens until 2’ would be pretty much impossible unless you do no screens at all for any of the kids, and I think it would be on the extreme end of the scale to (for example) ban a 6YO from watching a bit of TV in case your 3rd baby sees it! And whilst I’m aware of the studies, I don’t see at all that younger siblings are in any way effected by this… so I think it’s fine if it’s in moderation and most importantly he shouldn’t be telling you how to parent when he’s not there!

Yes we have never given her the ipad, its always on the TV in the living room. Can I ask what age you started letting your LO watch TV like this? All the advice says none before 2 or 18 months, and I'm sure 90% of people do, so I wish there was a more honest discussion around it so I knew what the reality is for families and how we fit into that.

In your shoes I would get a huge box of safe household objects, chuck her in a room with them and let dh pick up the mess.

They can’t 😂

My little DD is 16 months and she actually will entertain herself fairly well with some little toy horses this one if you are looking for Christmas inspiration but as you say only short bursts.

Her day is

wake at 7, a bit of TV, breakfast, play
take DS to preschool by 9, go on to a group or activity
home for lunch by 1130, sleep
2-3 a bit of a play, pick DS up from preschool
3-4 play with DS
4 o clock - that TV goes on and I’m not sorry!

I'm with him on this one. She's too young.

Is she still napping? If so that is when you get quiet time. Or she just rests in her cot.

Also they don’t independently play for hours on end but they should manage 10 minutes with an engaging toy without needing loads of input from you, although they may still want you in the same room if separation anxiety is a thing. Maybe time to rethink the toys you have if the current ones aren’t grabbing her attention or aren’t great for independent play.

Hello, thanks for your comment. She does nap for about 2 hours a day over two naps, but half the time its while we are out so she's in the pram and the rest of the time I usually use that time to get on with housework or cook dinner etc, so I feel like I never really get a chance to sit down and I get exhausted! Usually when I put TV on for her I sit with her and use it as an opportunity to have a bit of a break! I agree with you about the sibling thing, I thought the exactly same thing, and I even said this to my DH. I think he's just got himself all worried about it, I'm sure people are a lot more relaxed when the second or third come around and don't even give it a second thought!

I'm actually with your DH on this. I have a 4yo who goes to nursery 4 days a week and a 22mo at home. We only have screen time on the days the older one is at home, and only 20-30 mins which we watch together after lunch, usually while the younger one is napping. If he's around, he also watches too but only for a couple of minutes before he's bored and back to trying to climb all the furniture 🥴. I personally don't see any point in screens for an under 3yo - neither of mine would have been interested in them at that point (older one used to look behind tablets/TVs etc) and they both find things to do in the absence of screens. I don't play with them constantly BUT I do pretty much have to interact with them constantly (e.g. I can cook or clean or do admin but need to answer questions/acknowledge what they're doing more or less constantly). It is a lot, but even with a screen my younger one constantly wants me to validate what he's seeing anyway (mummy look, penguin! Penguin! Penguin!) so it's not a break.

And by play independently they mean play for 5 to 10 minutes.

So for example, if you've set up an activity. Blocks, Towers etc then she should manage five minutes of knocking them down without you being involved.

Then over the years as they get older they can play for longer.

At this age, they normally sleep during the day and are bed at 7. So that's when you get downtime and rest.

For example, meal prep during lunchtime nap

Tv, yes

Tablet etc, no

Thanks for the recommendation, I have got her a few new toys for Christmas and she is stating to do some imaginative independent play, like pretending to wipe things and drink out of cups, but it has to be when she's very well rested and fully fed At the end of the day before dinner when she's tired there's not a chance so that's when the TV goes on, I usually out a CD on at about 4pm and then I let her watch something from 5 - 6 until my husband gets home but other than that our days are very similar to yours. I suspect 90% of people do the same but the guidelines are so rigid everyone feels bad about it and don't tell the truth!

Ironically me and DH husband have been arguing about toys as he thinks she doesn't need many new ones for Christmas and that I'm going overboard, but he's not the one who has to try and entertain her all day! ahhhhhhh

A bit of TV is fine, my 4 yo typically has up to an hour a day (in 2-3 sessions) which hasn't really changed since he was little. He had daily zoom calls when he was a baby as it was lockdown. They do need some quiet time as well, snuggling up with books is good for that too, maybe DH could try that instead of more active play if he wants an alternative to screen time!

She can play independently for 15 mins or so here and there but not for extended periods, usually when I put some Miss Rachel on for her I sit and watch it with her as I need a sit down and a rest! Were your children able to play independently for extended periods at this age? If so, do you have any advice on how to do this?

10 mins independent play is normal for that age.
You give them an activity or toy they like, they play for 10 mins while you read a book or whatever, they toddle over and you engage a bit then direct to another toy. That should give you a good 20 mins to relax.

In the evening when children are in bed is when most parents get to sit down and watch a good tv show etc.

I’m with DH on this but I know people like him and me are in the minority.