Toddler Screen Time

[Gmary22]

So, I have a very active 12 month old, she's been walking for a couple of months now, is very active and doesn't really like to play with toys independently for extended periods. I should add she's hitting all of her milestones early and is a very switched on, bright, happy little girl.

DH and I have been falling out as he thinks she should have no screen time at all, but the reality is, if she doesn't have any screen time, it means he needs constant entertaining which I/we just don't have the energy for all the time, so she ends up just wandering around the house whining. Plus sometimes I feel like she just needs a break as well!

I am a SAHM and I do something with her everyday, either going to a play morning at the local children's center, going to a soft play or to the park, or to rhyme time. I also make sure we read books at home, we play, go on lots of walks and to the shops every day. But, sometimes I have no energy and just need a break, so I put miss Rachel on for half an hour or so. My husband used to be fine with this but all of a sudden after reading an article that said children should no screen time he doesn't want her to have any.

This is making life difficult, for example its Sunday, we've just put the Christmas tree up, we've had a long weekend and were tired, baby is teething so none of us are getting much sleep and she's grumpy. I sat down to write this post, so I put Christmas Miss Rachel songs on for baby, DH has come in, turned it off and sat there just bouncing a ball as an attempt to play with her, she's walked off uninterested and and is now grabbing my laptop crying wanting to be picked up.

Sometimes I/we all just need a break, especially when were tired and don't have the energy to play properly. We all just get grumpy with each other and none of us are relaxing or having fun. I've explained to him that the problem is using screens all day so they children don't get other experiences, but that I am doing things with her every day and unless he has the energy to play with her, just turning he TV off and watching her whing until I step in and entertain her isn't really helping anyone.

She doesn't watch a lot of TV, about an hour a day, usually while I'm making dinner or need a rest in the early evening because I'm tired after being active all day and 90% of the time its Miss Rachel which is educational.

Am I being unreasonable? Should we be constantly entertaining our 1 year old never having a break to watch half an hour of TV with her?

I think you're fine OP.

We're pretty low screens - older DC, and they don't have tablets and TV is weekend only. But I think a couple of half hour sessions a day to let you catch your breath when home with a toddler is fine, he's getting loads of other good stuff from you. I wasn't using TV with mine at that age but that's only because they were at nursery five days a week.

An hour a day isn't crazy, it's two episodes of night garden.

And I think your DH is being a bit cheeky to have these very very high expectations for your parenting when you're a SAHP. Yes the important decisions should be made together, but as the SAHP you should be the one taking the lead in the baby's routine etc.

This. Cbeebies is such a good resource there are fab shows on there. Just put on the live TV they have no choice what comes on. This is totally fine for 15/20 min block. I wouldn't get into dcs using tablets and choosing what tv to watch, or watching you tube etc at this age. Just choose good quality tv , it's fine.

I really hate the idea of your DH turning off a show that you'd put on and telling you unilaterally what your DC cannot do.

Will he just override you whenever he disagrees with one of your parenting choices?

This would make me very angry indeed.

Oh how I wish DC1 ever went to bed at 7!

Some kids are just low sleep needs. We didn’t do screens before about 15 months at which point I returned to work and was exhausted and a bit like OP says watched TV together so I could sit down too.
I only allowed hand held screens while I had a shower (impossible to get up before DC as cosleeping and breastfeeding, spent most of the night latched on). I had a play pen for plonking in, it had lots of abacus style beads and a little clock etc which entertained for all of 2 minutes.

It’s hard @Gmary22 but goes by in a flash in ways. Hang in there!

I would consider an hour a day A LOT of screen time for a 12month old. She's a baby! Completely different to 4/5/6year olds that people are comparing her to.

Mine had maybe an hour a week at that age- just occasional dancing fruit if I had a bathroom emergency or important phonecall etc. I thought that was pretty bad.

I'm currently expecting no.3 with a 2 and 4 year old. SAHM and yes it is exhausting but we still don't have TV on for an hour a day. Really bad for them, I wouldn't be introducing full tv programmes before 2/3.

Up to you though, isn't it, we all choose what we consider important. It's not going to seriously damage her or anything.

Agree with @StrawBeretMoose
We have a v intelligent and low sleep needs 5 year old. NT before any one starts wanging on.
I find these threads very amusing with the anti tv brigade.
DH watched a shit ton of tv when he was younger but he also was read to a lot and did various sports ..he has a maths degree, a masters and it's not done him any harm. There's a world of difference between shoving them in front of the tv all day and having an hour of down time.
There's an article on psychology today ref screen time in terms of tv (not phones, iPads etc) where it references how adults will watch tv to relax but apply double standards to children. As long as you are doing plenty of other activities which it sounds like you are then give yourself a break!
I'm a teacher and a senco, our kid watches tv!

What do you mean screens were a thing when your youngest two were little, you had a TV didn't you? I'm 34 and I watched TV when I was little....

@binnninI think there's a big difference between a child watching TV and a baby. I think the evidence is fairly clear that screens aren't good for babies.

you had a TV didn't you?

I also smiled at this. I didn't have a TV as a child, nor as an adult for a long time, not because it hadn't been invented yet but just because I didn't want one and because my parents didn't have one, I wasn't in the habit. Have one now, watch it for maybe an hour or two a week.

I totally get your point, some of my friends babies do they same, then just sit and stare at the ceiling...all day. That's not much stimulation is it, my LO would never! She demands constant engagement and entertainment. The only time I ever get a break is when the TV goes on haha 😅

I would say it should be up to the person who is home all day. It's easy to decide a rule when you don't have to apply it. Perhaps he could e.g. clean and batch cook for the freezer so that you don't have to get as much done during the day.

I personally didn't let them see any TV or screens before the recommended age and many years later, they still never watch TV on a school day (we tried it briefly but it affected their sleep). It's more difficult, but not impossible, and gets easier with time. But it's only really possible if the person doing it is convinced by it. You can't apply someone else's ideas if you don't believe in them yourself.

(One of my toddlers was very placid, the other was into everything. The placid one was less independent in terms of playing. Nonetheless, they have both turned out to have high IQs so I don't think high IQ children need TV more than others.)

Music/story CDs are your friend here. Story tape with music or just musicals, even Disney musicals. But just the sound...We listened to my fair lady, sound of music, fiddler on roof, nursery rhyme tapes, nutcracker. Very stimulating but regulating too. You can sit on the sofa at the same time and it's heaven.
ELC used to do some wonderful fairy story tapes with musical interludes, not sure if they still exist.
Tv should be for older children, learning to listen is really important.

So you had a TV but your kids NEVER watched it, really?

there was a woman with a baby who I would say was around nine months who just sat in her pushchair. Just sat.

You have no idea about that baby though. And whether they able to do more than "sit". What do you expect that baby to do?

I would let her have that small amount of screen time. Just be careful, as half an hour can easily turn into an hour, and then beyond. They can get addicted. I would try to stick to the content that is not overstimulating (keep away from Cocomelon!).
I can't remember when exactly but my son did get a bit of screen time before he was 2. From an early age he was talking, and people were amazed at what he said and knew. A lot of what he knows was learnt from things he watches (he loves sea creatures so learned a lot about them, and he knows many types of dinosaur, for example). His speech was great early on, we'd always talk about what he was watching.
We stay away from tablets - I see so many toddlers glued to them in their pushchairs!

Op, I'm also a SAHM with a 13 month old.

What has helped is organisation and planning my day well.

You keep saying you don't get a break - does your child nap? What time do they go to bed? Naptime & After bedtime is your break :). Do chores when they're awake or when your husband comes home.

I think you’re fine personally! Being a sahm is a tough job - I’m still predominantly a sahm to my 3.5 year old (though she does a bit of time at nursery now) and it’s a privilege that I love and pour a lot of time and energy into but we’re entitled to a lunch break and the time to do other things as well!

I reckon that my daughter probably has the upper end of screen time for her age but like you’ve said that’s after we’ve done a class together/the library/museum/playground/bike ride. I find a lot of people who say their child has none or very little screen time are also picking them up from nursery quite late in the day so don’t have as much time to fill! Again, not saying either situation is better or worse, just different. I reckon the extra screen time is probably the pay off.

Also you know your child the best and if you noticed it having a detrimental effect on their behaviour that you could always step in and adjust that. They’re often only half watching anyway! Completely appreciate those who are anti screen time, we all make our choices as parents, but it wasn’t a hill I was willing to die on.

@Gmary22 invest in a playpen and a xylophone, a big brio train set, stacking cups, a shape sorter, just so you have somewhere to put her while you are making dinner of going to the bathroom.

With first borns it is so easy to be in their face trying to entertain them constantly. I did this and my first is still in constant need if being entertained. My second is far more chilled out because there were countless times I had to deal with their older sibling trying to take off their poopy nappy or climbing on something they shouldn't be climbing on so you have to pop down the one who can't walk and get into mischief for 5 minutes so you can deal with the 2 year old whirlwind. My second is far more able to entertain himself now than my firstborn.

Both had tv when young for a similar amount of time as yours and both are happy and bright.

@Gmary22 my little one doesn't watch TV, but I think you're doing a great job and shouldn't worry

Yes it is recommended that kids don't have screen time before 2. But it is also recommended that kids are looked after at home by their primary caregiver until 2. And plenty of people saying that you shouldn't let your kid watch TV will be putting their child in nursery.

Your LO is watching one hour of TV - that means that they are having one-to-one time with you for ALL the other hours that they are awake. That is much better for development (according to the experts) than a child who spends 7 hours in nursery and no time watching TV

(My child goes to nursery two mornings a week)