To judge mum who smells of alcohol at 10am

[Aliceisagooddog]

Is this a safeguarding concern? I get bad vibes from this woman anyway, but to reek of alcohol in the morning, surely its awful for a child?

Thank you. Don’t know why my mind went to email trails !!

As others have pointed out I think the problem is the OP used the word judge and admitted to already having bad vibes about this woman.

Some peoples interpretation is that OP dislikes this woman, perhaps feels superior and is extrapolating a one off situation into an accusation of alcoholism.

My, admittedly bias interpretation, was that when the OP said bad vibes, she previously had concerns about this woman and her behaviour and this is the first time she has something concrete. Reeking of alcohol is quite specific language. Also to be concerned enough to post a thread reinforced this interpretation.

I was/ am surprised about the level of people being very dismissive of this. If she is an innocent party who spent a wholesome morning making rum cake and mince pies then more fool me.

However, we can't know full context from a thread so I will say that if you do have concerns about a caregiver, smelling of alcohol in the morning or at pick ups, unusual behaviour, vacant looks etc then do speak up. Make sure people are keeping an eye on the child and the school are aware. We all have a responsibility to keep children safe. I would rather be labelled a judgemental bitch than keep quiet and read something awful in the papers.

But the point of my story was, she's hopefully not drinking at 9am, but I was really surprised by who was doing illegal things. It wasn't who I would have (perhaps in hindsight rather snobbily) thought.

You've just answered your own question if you think it's morning drinking and possible alcoholic. Definitely talk to the head teacher or whichever member of staff you feel comfortable talking to. They WILL take your call seriously and you will also have s weight off your shoulders.

I think people think if they still have custody of their children then “nothing happened”. But child removal is a last resort, and they may have SS involvement and interventions that you won’t know about. Hopefully somethi ng was done though and I agree with you about class

Thank you but helping the alcoholic who still suffers is one of our main duties in recovery. We get better by supporting others. It's an amazing way of life.

I think what people are saying is that she could be an innocent party who had a boozy night. Thats all. Having booze now and again doesn’t make you an alcoholic. And I find it quite interesting you used a wholesome womanly example to describe “innocent party”

Sure, Its Killian Angels Share, it's a bit pricey but there is some good dupes about. Its from the Killian range called 'the cellars', where each one focuses on one type of alcohol each to give it a really lovely wintery fragrance.

And I may have misread the OP but to me it comes across that she’s not the least bit interested in helping anyone she just wanted people to join in her judgement.

I remember a mum at primary who had 3 kids

She would rock up at the school gates,falling and stumbling about,screaming at them,sling 2 of the kids through the gate and stagger off with the pushchair holding her upright

A group of mums (including myself) had a chat with the teacher

This lady had a drinking problem so bad,she would wake up and crack open the vodka
before getting up to sort the kids out

A long story short,she lost her children

I feel awful that I was part of it,I wouldn't have chosen to separate mother and children but it was for the best

She badly needed help but refused to access it and those kids where suffering

I hope she found peace and got them back (I lost touch as we moved away)

You weren't the cause

I guess but doesn't stop the guilt that I 'helped' her lose her children

Sober,she was the nicest lady I've ever met

Pissed-well,she wasn't

It's an illness I wouldn't wish on anyone

That’s so sad. But I am pleased that in this day and age people don’t have the “Turn a blind eye” mentality like they did when I was a child (and the child of an alcoholic).

This is very common feeling. If she lost her children they’d have tried literally everything else before this happened. Thats not on you, you did the right thing

This.

If she has a drink problem, she and the child/children need help and support and flagging.

Sounds like the kids were in a better place and I'm sure other parents and teachers had noticed ,she wouldn't just lose her kids because you and some other mum's had a chat with the teacher there would be a lot more going on.

Yeah rest assured you helped the kids though. I hope you find peace

Is she driving her child to school? That would definitely be an issue for me. Even if not, if you are genuinely concerned then report to the safeguarding team at the school.

I have told this story on here before (under different user names).

I once witnessed an interaction after school with a child whose parents always smelt of alcohol. The step-dad had actually collected the child cracking open cans of cider. One weekend the child was seen outside of the flat where they lived - the parents were drunk and didn’t even know he was outside. I hadn’t heard any of the above until after I had reported to the school what I’d seen. I kept myself to myself at the school gates. The school asked if I’d be prepared to speak with SS, I agreed and spoke to them later that morning. By the time it was picking up time from school SS were there and our children were brought out to us rather than us going in. He was removed from the parents that day. (These were reception aged children).

OP if you are 100% sure please do speak with the school, but like I said there can be absolutely no doubt in your mind - the chances are they are already aware - as was the case when I spoke to the school. The incident I was was significant in itself for me to speak to the school, I could never have forgiven myself if something had happened to that child.

Most likely its booze…But - we keep a hand sanitizer in the car that smells very strongly of alcohol, I make them use it as they go in, in a futile attempt to keep the school diseases at bay!

Just had another thought- acetone breath, which would be similar I guess to vodka if that’s what you thought you smelt, can be a side effect of some extreme diets like keto, atkins, fasting etc. If she’s quite slim that could be a possibility. Intermittent fasting can even cause the puffy face you describe. So you could barking up completely the wrong tree with thinking she’s an alcoholic… Maybe just trying to offset the xmas excesses with fasting days?

Thank you-ive felt awful for the last 15 or so years

She wasn't the type of lady who would have engaged with ss (I don't mean that to be awful,but her attitude was 'what goes on behind closed doors,stays there)

The poor kids would be trailling behind her-ill never forget their faces as she staggered about and screamed at everyone

I really hope she found peace and the kids are happy-they where sweet kids (they'll be adults now which is weird to think about)

I admit to judging her,but in a 'she needs help' rather than 'evil bitch,how could she be so pissed round kids-i wouldn't do that' (which as a group of mums who got together to figure out what to do,we all seemed to fall into the 'she needs help' camp)

It was one of the hardest things I've ever done

I'm sure the school know already OP, but mention it if you're concerned.

Oh Tracy bless your heart, please don’t feel guilty - if there’s family members such as GPs they will have gone to them rather than being fostered out (usually). I lived with an alcoholic as a child, thankfully only EOW as my parents had split up, but I can’t imagine what it’s like to live permanently that way and people like you who get involved in serious issues save children’s lives every day. Be kind to yourself xx

No we don't. We see mothers at school dropoff and pickup or at a baby group or playground more frequently so it's more obvious. A drunken mother is more likely to be caring for children despite being the worse for wear.